Well today is officially the last day that 'the bitch that bites' (tbtb) - my left breast gets to stay. Today is my birthday. And in a strange way it feels like tomorrow will be like a second birthday. There will be no more of my own body trying to attack me. Still a very weird concept even for someone with a practical science brain. What I've decided that is right for me at this moment in time is not to have a reconstruction. Why - well a number of reasons and found this fits almost to perfectly why I don't think I need recon. Plus don't want more surgery or anything that can harm me as the bitch that bites has already tried that. "They're strong women who don't feel their breasts define their identity. They're confident women who know they can look great in clothes without showing lots of cleavage. They're active women who want to continue exercising without any restrictions. They're mature women who understand that love of love ones/partners, friends, and family isn't dependent on having breasts." What I'm having most trouble is that when I say I'm having a masectomy. After the omg I'm sorry is are you having reconstruction? How do I continue to answer that and not get angry and judgemental that to be who I am requires two breasts. Or have I miss read it and that is their way of being supportive when they can't find anything else to say. I had a shirt made up. That says it all. If would like to see I will send image as tried to attach and couldn't. Anyway having a farewell to tbtb's party tonight which will be fun. To those of my mates in the country I have said send through your 'telegrams'. Will catch ya soon when I become a Warrior Amazon. Thinking it's a good time to take up archery!

This network is so amazing in that we are all so different and yet we support each other so well! I understand what you are saying exactly.I had my mastectomy last September,and I KNEW,right from the get go ,that I didn't want a reconstruction.I have never doubted my decision.For me,I think it is a combination of my age(59) ,I place more value on my general health that anything to do with my looks,and also because I have very small breasts(breast!) so it is not that noticeable.I hardly ever wear my prosthesis,because I just don't like it! I wish now,looking back,that I would have had both breasts off.Maybe in the future I will go back and do it again.At the moment though,I am enjoying my life,my priority is my health,and I couldn't care less if people have an opinion about my one breast!!!I will say though,for a larger breasted lady,having only one can present problems with posture etc. Cheers xoxRobyn

Happy birthday for today and my best wishes for your surgery tomorrow.The BCNA network is a great place to come for info and support.You won't get any stupid comments here because we all know what you are going through. When I had my mastectomy 4 years ago,I got some silly comments too. One work colleague said "oh you'll be able to get nice new perky boobs" and another said"you should really get the other one off too".I think we all experience a few tactless remarks along the way.I don't think they are said in malice but rather more out of ignorance.I found a saying and I often use it in my head when needed-"dismiss whatever insults your soul". We are all different and have our reasons for the decisions we make. I figure you are brave to live without a breast/breasts and you are brave to put yourself through gruelling reconstruction surgery. My reason for not having recon is because my cancer was a recurrence -the first was in 2003(a lumpectomy and full node clearance.) So I became quite paranoid and prefer to watch my scarline incase it comes back again. I wear a prosthesis and once I'm dressed,I don't think too much about it. I had 5 surgeries in 7 years and I couldn't face anymore at the moment but I won't rule out recon in the future-never say never. I am living more in the moment now and don't think too far ahead. Tonya xx

I also have made the decision not to have reconstuction for very similar reasons to yours. I have never doubted my decision. Robyn, I elected to have both breasts removed and also have never doubted that decision. I do get a little feed up over the reconstruction question too. All the best. Helen.

Hi wndsrfn, sounds like you have had a series of nasty surprises and surgeries. I hope all went well with your surgery, and that you have a profound sense of relief now the breast with cancer is gone. Are you in Perth and looking at joining our local dragonboat group, or in another area with a similar group? Where are you getting your treatment? I am finding that these new unexpected changes to my body image, and what it means to lose a breast and to be a one-breasted woman, and to wear or not wear a prosthesis and to consider breast reconstruction or not is complex and complicated. There is the safety/health-risks issue, there is the issue of wanting to look good in my clothes, there is the issue of wanting to feel beautiful, sexy and attractive enough with my husband that we can have some sort of sexlife again, there is the issue of wanting to be proud of me as I am, there is the grief at having had to go through all of this, there is the complications a prosthesis adds (wearing a bra, washing the prosthesis, putting it into its cradle), there is the complications having a reconstruction adds(surgery, healing, extra surgery, complications, pain, expense). The body has been attacked, and the body has attacked, and for me it takes time to start to be comfortable with it all. For myself, I have decided to leave the question of reconstructive surgery or not till after I have finished all my treatment ie about a year. During that time, I want to lose weight and get down to my ideal weight ie about 12kg lighter, which will mean a smaller breast size too, so either a new prosthesis or a . I also want to get tests done on breast cancer markers etc, to get as much info as I can on my personal risks of breast and ovarian cancers, so I know if I should be having the other breast and possibly my ovaries removed. Or not. Like you, I also want to get strong and healthy, to turn my body back into a trusted friend I can depend on, and to have a lifestyle that will help protect me from further cancer. I think the dragonboat group is a lovely place to start, turning a bad experience into something good is a profoundly positive response: I admire your strength and courage in the face of adversity.

Hi Jessica. Yes I'm in Perth and have already made contact with the Anazon Dragonboats. I came and saw them paddle at Champion Lakes and plan to join and begin paddling in July. Surgery and specialist at Murdoch. Thanks heaps for your support and kind words especially facing your own adventure with this. If your a dragonboater might bump into you later in the year. Big hug for the rest of your journey.

The Bitch That Bites! | Online Network

Robyn_W
Member
11 years ago
This network is so amazing in that we are all so different and yet we support each other so well! I understand what you are saying exactly.I had my mastectomy last September,and I KNEW,right from the get go ,that I didn't want a reconstruction.I have never doubted my decision.For me,I think it is a combination of my age(59) ,I place more value on my general health that anything to do with my looks,and also because I have very small breasts(breast!) so it is not that noticeable.I hardly ever wear my prosthesis,because I just don't like it! I wish now,looking back,that I would have had both breasts off.Maybe in the future I will go back and do it again.At the moment though,I am enjoying my life,my priority is my health,and I couldn't care less if people have an opinion about my one breast!!!I will say though,for a larger breasted lady,having only one can present problems with posture etc. Cheers xoxRobyn
TonyaM
Member
11 years ago
Happy birthday for today and my best wishes for your surgery tomorrow.The BCNA network is a great place to come for info and support.You won't get any stupid comments here because we all know what you are going through. When I had my mastectomy 4 years ago,I got some silly comments too. One work colleague said "oh you'll be able to get nice new perky boobs" and another said"you should really get the other one off too".I think we all experience a few tactless remarks along the way.I don't think they are said in malice but rather more out of ignorance.I found a saying and I often use it in my head when needed-"dismiss whatever insults your soul". We are all different and have our reasons for the decisions we make. I figure you are brave to live without a breast/breasts and you are brave to put yourself through gruelling reconstruction surgery. My reason for not having recon is because my cancer was a recurrence -the first was in 2003(a lumpectomy and full node clearance.) So I became quite paranoid and prefer to watch my scarline incase it comes back again. I wear a prosthesis and once I'm dressed,I don't think too much about it. I had 5 surgeries in 7 years and I couldn't face anymore at the moment but I won't rule out recon in the future-never say never. I am living more in the moment now and don't think too far ahead. Tonya xx
HelenJill
Member
11 years ago
I also have made the decision not to have reconstuction for very similar reasons to yours. I have never doubted my decision.

Robyn, I elected to have both breasts removed and also have never doubted that decision.

I do get a little feed up over the reconstruction question too.

All the best.

Helen.
JessicaV
Member
11 years ago
Hi wndsrfn, sounds like you have had a series of nasty surprises and surgeries. I hope all went well with your surgery, and that you have a profound sense of relief now the breast with cancer is gone. Are you in Perth and looking at joining our local dragonboat group, or in another area with a similar group? Where are you getting your treatment?

I am finding that these new unexpected changes to my body image, and what it means to lose a breast and to be a one-breasted woman, and to wear or not wear a prosthesis and to consider breast reconstruction or not is complex and complicated.

There is the safety/health-risks issue, there is the issue of wanting to look good in my clothes, there is the issue of wanting to feel beautiful, sexy and attractive enough with my husband that we can have some sort of sexlife again, there is the issue of wanting to be proud of me as I am, there is the grief at having had to go through all of this, there is the complications a prosthesis adds (wearing a bra, washing the prosthesis, putting it into its cradle), there is the complications having a reconstruction adds(surgery, healing, extra surgery, complications, pain, expense). The body has been attacked, and the body has attacked, and for me it takes time to start to be comfortable with it all.

For myself, I have decided to leave the question of reconstructive surgery or not till after I have finished all my treatment ie about a year. During that time, I want to lose weight and get down to my ideal weight ie about 12kg lighter, which will mean a smaller breast size too, so either a new prosthesis or a . I also want to get tests done on breast cancer markers etc, to get as much info as I can on my personal risks of breast and ovarian cancers, so I know if I should be having the other breast and possibly my ovaries removed. Or not.

Like you, I also want to get strong and healthy, to turn my body back into a trusted friend I can depend on, and to have a lifestyle that will help protect me from further cancer.

I think the dragonboat group is a lovely place to start, turning a bad experience into something good is a profoundly positive response: I admire your strength and courage in the face of adversity.
wndsrfn
Member
11 years ago
Hi Jessica. Yes I'm in Perth and have already made contact with the Anazon Dragonboats. I came and saw them paddle at Champion Lakes and plan to join and begin paddling in July. Surgery and specialist at Murdoch. Thanks heaps for your support and kind words especially facing your own adventure with this. If your a dragonboater might bump into you later in the year. Big hug for the rest of your journey.
wndsrfn
Member
11 years ago
Tbtb has gone. Now recovering from surgery and after 5 days in hospital. Glad to be home - but that has it's own emotions. Went out yesterday with family and for the first time had to think about what to wear. I know this will pass but just makes it another thing to add to the adventure. Made it through though had to leave as was knackered. Worse part, noticing every bump in the road. And for someone that has been able to drive to the Pilbara in a day - this 30min road trip felt like forever. That will improve as each day wake feeling brighter and stronger. Question for you all - When did you start wearing your bra again with the soft pouches? And what will I expect? And yes each and everyone of us is different. So just a few tips would be great. I know that I have to wait 6 weeks before getting measured up. Now that will be another interesting adventure. Enough now - rock on girls and be as strong as you need to be for each part of the adventure. And as gentle on yourself as you also need to be. That is something I have definitely learnt.
wndsrfn
Member
11 years ago
Tbtb has gone. Now recovering from surgery and after 5 days in hospital. Glad to be home - but that has it's own emotions. Went out yesterday with family and for the first time had to think about what to wear. I know this will pass but just makes it another thing to add to the adventure. Made it through though had to leave as was knackered. Worse part, noticing every bump in the road. And for someone that has been able to drive to the Pilbara in a day - this 30min road trip felt like forever. That will improve as each day wake feeling brighter and stronger. Question for you all - When did you start wearing your bra again with the soft pouches? And what will I expect? And yes each and everyone of us is different. So just a few tips would be great. I know that I have to wait 6 weeks before getting measured up. Now that will be another interesting adventure. Enough now - rock on girls and be as strong as you need to be for each part of the adventure. And as gentle on yourself as you also need to be. That is something I have definitely learnt.
JessicaV
Member
11 years ago
Hi, My salvation was a good collection of big loose silk and cotton scarves.

I had a big seroma, which filled up to nearly 600mls of fluid at a time that had to be drained, plus the lower half of the mastectomy area got infected and swollen up right around under my armpit and took weeks to heal and months to stop being swollen. So I found the soft bra impossible to wear for over 6 weeks. Initially I just wore loose scarfs draped around my neck to disguise the fact that there was no breast on one side, and did not wear a bra at all, even though prior to mastectomy, at DD I ALWAYS wore a bra. When the swelling under my armpit went down enough, I wore my old bra with the padded unit from the soft bra, or even just some of the stuffing loose in the other cup to make it look like there is a balanced pair of breasts/to allow my clothes to fit properly, while still wearing big loose scarves draped around my neck to disguise the situation. At about 2 months I started to wear the soft bra, but felt like I was wearing a corset with a teddybear on my chest. I still wore my scarves cos it felt odd. But I felt better in public wearing that soft bra than nothing at all. At two and a half months, I bought a prosthesis, and a rather nice lacy bra with a place to put the prosthesis, and use the soft bra with the prosthesis while washing the nicer bra. I forget my lack of a breast while I am wearing the prosthesis, except when I go to bed and have to put my prosthesis away in its cradle first.
JessicaV
Member
11 years ago
Hi, My salvation was a good collection of big loose silk and cotton scarves.

I had a big seroma, which filled up to nearly 600mls of fluid at a time that had to be drained, plus the lower half of the mastectomy area got infected and swollen up right around under my armpit and took weeks to heal and months to stop being swollen. So I found the soft bra impossible to wear for over 6 weeks. Initially I just wore loose scarfs draped around my neck to disguise the fact that there was no breast on one side, and did not wear a bra at all, even though prior to mastectomy, at DD I ALWAYS wore a bra. When the swelling under my armpit went down enough, I wore my old bra with the padded unit from the soft bra, or even just some of the stuffing loose in the other cup to make it look like there is a balanced pair of breasts/to allow my clothes to fit properly, while still wearing big loose scarves draped around my neck to disguise the situation. At about 2 months I started to wear the soft bra, but felt like I was wearing a corset with a teddybear on my chest. I still wore my scarves cos it felt odd. But I felt better in public wearing that soft bra than nothing at all. At two and a half months, I bought a prosthesis, and a rather nice lacy bra with a place to put the prosthesis, and use the soft bra with the prosthesis while washing the nicer bra. I forget my lack of a breast while I am wearing the prosthesis, except when I go to bed and have to put my prosthesis away in its cradle first.
TonyaM
Member
11 years ago
I think I wore my Berlei bra and soft form about 3 weeks post op.I got fitted with a prosthesis 6 weeks post op and it was so much better than the soft form.I wore loose shirts with scarves or waistcoats for 6 weeks until I got my prosthesis. I had to go through my wardrobe and either chuck or doctor any low neckline tops/dresses.Luckily,you won't have to worry about swimmers for awhile unless,ofcourse,you swim in a heated pool.In which case,blog me for how to "doctor"a swimming costume. Best wishes,Tonya xx