Forum Discussion
Tell your heart to beat again.....
breathe... just breathe.... I spent the last week telling myself don't freak out, just breathe, it's too early for bc to have returned, you're still having radiation. Didn't work. Still freaked out. Thought I had been so strong through surgery, chemo and only 5 radiation treatments left I found a new lump in the same breast, really lost it.....
you know those emergency contact numbers they give you that you never use? Every single one had a voicemail message saying see you after the Aussie Day weekend. breathe. Took me a week to finally get an ultrasound, a week spent thinking that's it, game over, family too afraid to even talk to me. Thank God today's ultrasound showed no signs of bc. The hard lump is inflammation from radiation and turns out that pain in underarm is a Seroma I didn't know I had. Now 2 treatments left, but still picking up the pieces after this last week.
this is the song I've been listening to:
You're shattered, like you've never been before,
The life you knew, in a thousand pieces on the floor,
And words fall short in times like these, When this world drives you to your knees,
You think you're never gonna get back to the you that used to be.
Tell your heart to beat again, close your eyes and breathe it in,
Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace,
Yesterday's a closing door, you don't live there any more,
Say goodbye to where you've been and tell your heart to beat again.
I know I am so much more fortunate than others with bc, but I guess the fear we feel is still the same. Time to learn how to let those shadows fall away, I really don't want to live my days in fear. Guess this last week has bought to a head the grief of the last year. Time for this tired old heart to beat again.
24 Replies
Thanks Tracey, yes today's was 17 of 25 - whooh hooh ?? ?? x
So glad your lump was nothing to worry about Rosetta. You must be half way through rads by now. Hope it all goes well for you xXx
Thanks so much Tracey, thank goodness it was ok - certainly way too early for anything else. I'm not having chemo, only radiotherapy & then the follow up/2nd surgery later this year ????
I learned in early days that my family coped better if it looked like I was coping, so you work on looking strong even when you don't feel it. Really admire your fighter attitude, you're an inspiration to me, def deserve the Wonder Woman tag xX
Hi Tracey,
I am sending you some right now! Like I said to a friend of mine the other day, If you all actually heard what I am really thinking, you would all run a mile! Don't think for minute I don't release my emotions, they go down the drain with the soap in the shower.... I have lost it a couple of times in front of the family, but the looks on their faces hurts me more than my diagnosis! I am a giver not a taker and hate the thought that I may drag everyone down....I am sure I will lose some of my fighting attitude along the way as I get further into treatment....
I didn't design my icon...it's actually a lapel pin! A friend of mine bought it and sent to me! I am a fan of Wonder Woman and we have a group of friends that we cruise with in our hot rods and we each have a name of an avenger or justice league character and yes I am Wonder Woman! My hubby is Captain America as we own a '39 Chev. I think you can get the pins online from Amazon?
- Tracy
Oh Rosetta, I feel for you, it's such a shock. If it helps at all, my Rad Onc told me the chemo should protect against recurrence for several months after. Will be praying for you that Thursday brings good news....breathe... Trace xXx
Tracey, I understand how you probably felt. Glad you can breathe again ??
.....I've found another breast lump. Currently having radiotherapy - had 11th of 25 today. Having tests on lump in other brest Thursday......eek....... I'm not freaking out...... ?? Staying positive & trying to laugh lots......until Thursday ?? Just breathe......my new mantra - special thanks to you for the inspiration ??
Agree with Donna, shouldn't be allowed to be found on those days.....
Hi Adean, they say people who've been through a traumatic experience can build resilience to help them cope, and bc is traumatic for all of us. I wonder where you could get that kind of training or help? I might talk to the c counsellor & look online. Gotta be some way to protect yourself from that fear? Good to hear you are 4 years down the track, Trace xx
Hi Nadine, yes my next mammogram/ultrasound is booked for 12mths post-op. The very helpful nurse told me to wait till then, 6 months away! Couldn't bear to worry & not know. Must say, since the good news I've just stopped feeling for lumps, too scary. Hope you are coping better with chemo, be kind to yourself, Tracey xx
