Forum Discussion
Tell your heart to beat again.....
breathe... just breathe.... I spent the last week telling myself don't freak out, just breathe, it's too early for bc to have returned, you're still having radiation. Didn't work. Still freaked out. Thought I had been so strong through surgery, chemo and only 5 radiation treatments left I found a new lump in the same breast, really lost it.....
you know those emergency contact numbers they give you that you never use? Every single one had a voicemail message saying see you after the Aussie Day weekend. breathe. Took me a week to finally get an ultrasound, a week spent thinking that's it, game over, family too afraid to even talk to me. Thank God today's ultrasound showed no signs of bc. The hard lump is inflammation from radiation and turns out that pain in underarm is a Seroma I didn't know I had. Now 2 treatments left, but still picking up the pieces after this last week.
this is the song I've been listening to:
You're shattered, like you've never been before,
The life you knew, in a thousand pieces on the floor,
And words fall short in times like these, When this world drives you to your knees,
You think you're never gonna get back to the you that used to be.
Tell your heart to beat again, close your eyes and breathe it in,
Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace,
Yesterday's a closing door, you don't live there any more,
Say goodbye to where you've been and tell your heart to beat again.
I know I am so much more fortunate than others with bc, but I guess the fear we feel is still the same. Time to learn how to let those shadows fall away, I really don't want to live my days in fear. Guess this last week has bought to a head the grief of the last year. Time for this tired old heart to beat again.
24 Replies
Yeah, every time you go to the doc they find something else wrong, them docs they're dangerous! Hope you enjoyed your walk with the dogs today Brenda xx
Hi Lyn, what an ordeal for you. Thankfully I don't see the Onc till after my final rads tomorrow, so no talk yet of draining the Seroma. Think he'll be glad to see the back of me. Will send you the song, music is my therapy, kind regards, Trace xx
Hi Tonya, cruel is a good word for this disease, even when your fears are unfounded it just taunts you that it can push your buttons whenever it wants. Think I'm going to have to work on building resilience. Sucks that you've been down this road twice, sorry you have other health problems to deal with. Hope you are feeling better after the pneumonia, Trace xx
Hey Tracy, do you think I could borrow some of your slap that bitch attitude? ps did you design your new icon? It's cool xx
Thanks Chris, think I'd like to get off this roller coaster. Hard to believe my reaction this time was way worse than when first diagnosed. Thought I was stronger than that, xx
Girlfriend told me to stop looking, think that's what got me here in the first place :-(
I'm sorry to say even though you try to tuck the fear away I think it's always there. For me 4 years on I still talk to myself in the ensuite mirror and say please don't visit me again.
Tracey, I am so glad it wasn't BC. The waiting must have been so hard. I asked my oncologist today when my next mammogram/ultrasound will be and she told me another 5 months or so after I finish chemo and then radiation. Until then I am getting used to how my breast feels after surgery.
Take care,
Nadine
I'm not even game to touch my other breast for fear I may find something. For me ignorance is bliss.
Hi Tracey. So sorry you've had to go through all that. No fun at all. I had mastitis after 9 radiotherapy sessions, had an USS, & the radiologist advised draining the seroma in my breast. You can just imagine the fun that caused for the next 4-5 treatments, until it more or less re-collected. Spent up to 1&1/2hrs on the table at a time! Glad you don't have to do that. Also glad you've only got 2 sessions to go.
I love the words in that song. Could you possibly send me a private message & let me know the title & artist?
Thinking of you, take care, Lyn
