Tell your heart to beat again.....

breathe... just breathe.... I spent the last week telling myself don't freak out, just breathe, it's too early for bc to have returned, you're still having radiation. Didn't work. Still freaked out. Thought I had been so strong through surgery, chemo and only 5 radiation treatments left I found a new lump in the same breast, really lost it.....

you know those emergency contact numbers they give you that you never use? Every single one had a voicemail message saying see you after the Aussie Day weekend. breathe. Took me a week to finally get an ultrasound, a week spent thinking that's it, game over, family too afraid to even talk to me. Thank God today's ultrasound showed no signs of bc. The hard lump is inflammation from radiation and turns out that pain in underarm is a Seroma I didn't know I had. Now 2 treatments left, but still picking up the pieces after this last week.

this is the song I've been listening to:

    You're shattered, like you've never been before,

   The life you knew, in a thousand pieces on the floor,

   And words fall short in times like these,   When this world drives you to your knees,

   You think you're never gonna get back to the you that used to be.

   Tell your heart to beat again, close your eyes and breathe it in,

   Let the shadows fall away, step into the light of grace,

   Yesterday's a closing door, you don't live there any more, 

   Say goodbye to where you've been and tell your heart to beat again.

I know I am so much more fortunate than others with bc, but I guess the fear we feel is still the same. Time to learn how to let those shadows fall away, I really don't want to live my days in fear. Guess this last week has bought to a head the grief of the last year. Time for this tired old heart to beat again.