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Sarah54's avatar
Sarah54
Member
12 years ago

Tears

Hello commrades,pink ladies

Half way mark, day 10 of 4th round of chemo. I have not cried in ages and I was told I was depressed 2 months ago. I was put on anti depressants reluctantly.

I, since then I have felt emotionally  in apt. But to-day at about 2pm the hot huge crocodile tears arrived for about 20 minutes and for the first time in my life I just went with it and totally enjoyed the let down it brings. I feel really tired now. I enjoyed it, I am fed up at holding it together for everyone elses sake.Having 5 children we have problems with jealously and who is doing what and since they are spread out over Australia one keeps this to her self and a horrible under toe is happening.

I just want to be left in peace and quiet and don't need help at the moment and just cannot be the go between from one sister to the other. It's exhausting and it's mothers day on Sunday. When do siblings say "it's about Mum and not us"..Having had a good cry I am now installing some boundaries.

I will ask if I want help. I am sick of being treated as a child, like they will have a conversation about me and around me as if I cannot hear! I am a big girl and have done life mainly by myself with little help so let me do my journey as well and listen instead of speaking and arranging and tell me what I should be doing. I am all grown up and have managed this far alone without help.

Now this is a big whinge for a Thursday........hope everyone has had a better day than me. By the way I have noticed measurements coming up recently on blogs. My tumor in the left breast at the start of chemo measured 12 cm yes I don't have it mixed up but now after round 4 it's down to about 4cm. I am one happy camper!

3 Replies

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    12 years ago

    There was a time during my treatment that it seemed that I was always crying. It's eased now but I still have some moments. This is a time that you should be concentrating on yourself and not have to sort the family out. It's good you have erected boundaries, stick to them. Hope your girls begin to understand and realise it's not all about them. Wonderful news that your tumour has shrunk, as bad as chemo can be, it certainly does it's job. Hope things improve for you and everybody in your family  gets on the same page as you, take care, 

    Hazelxx

  • rob45's avatar
    rob45
    Member
    12 years ago

    Hi Sarah, there  I was with four grown up sons, (hopeless with sickness, Specially Mums), thinking how great it would be to have a daughter at this rather frightening time, but I hadn't thought about the sibling thing.  Guess I'll stay with my boys who talk to me about cricket, golf, cars, anything but BC. Sometimes a good cry is just what you need.  I rarely cry but have had a few wet moments in the last few months, always feel better afterwards. That's a wonderful shrinkage, good on you.  Makes rotten chemo worthwhile!  I wont tell you to stay strong, cause really we just do what we have to do, don't we? Look after youself,  Rob

  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    You have enough on your mind without worrying about competition between your children.It is a very good idea to put boundaries in place.Perhaps you could go even one step further,and use the emotion that Mother's Day brings,to tell your children how you feel.You could even send them a card from you on 'mothers day',and explain yourself in the card,exactly as you do here on this blog.Some times our family and friends need a push in the right direction,and as you said Sarah,it is about you at the moment.ALL ABOUT YOU:) I am glad that your big cry helped you to feel better too.It is just as important on this journey to cry as it is to feel other emotions.The fact that your tumour has shrunk so much is great news Sarah,and definitely reason to feel happy.I want to wish you a happy Mother's Day Sarah,and if it means that you are able to sort your kids out,then that will be a GREAT Mother's Day.Let us know how things are going.Take care Sarah xox Robyn