Tears & Butterflies in the Stomach since New Primary Diagnosis

Would have been nice never to have it again at all. I feel for you and your disappointment. Dig deep and find that strength to get over it again. We're all cheering for you.

Mel,

It is different for everyone - my second primary (in other breast) was 6 years after the first triple negative.

2008 4mm grade 3 infiltrative ductal carcinoma withing 56mm DCIS treated with 3 x breast conserving surgery and 25 x radiation.

2015 16mm grade 2 invasive carcinoma treated with wide local excision and 20 x radiation. (again triple negative so no ongoing medication)

Was offered genetic testing after the second - with negative result.

I felt very thankful that it was "just" another primary and not secondary!

I also knew I could handle what ever treatment I was in for as I had done it before.

2015 I was offered chemo but as it only offered a 5% increase in survival I felt it was not worth it. 

My biggest stress was a few weeks ago....had the two year mamo and ultrasound - the ultrasound operator would not comment on the outcome but stressed that I MUST attend my specialist appointment. That was 3 weeks away and during that time I was thinking the worst and had planned my reactions and possible treatment.  I was not worrying but just getting my head around further treatment as I was sure that by the operator stressing I MUST attend the appointment that a problem had been found. 

Had given up alcohol after the second cancer and was feeling pissed off that the huge effort was in vain.

Specialist said ALL CLEAR!

I was so relieved I burst into tears - was a mess the rest of the day and could not go back to work.  Had to get my head around the FANTASTIC news.........that for me was the most emotional I have been in the 8 years.

Mel, you can get thru this latest hiccup as you did with the first one. I think Cancer has given me the knowledge that I can face whatever comes up. Great to vent on this forum and as previously stated, Cancer Council have great services available at no cost.

Beverley

Sorry to hear of your second diagnosis, no wonder you are feeling the way you are. Is it the same type of breast cancer again?

You beat it once, so go ahead and beat it again. Wishing you lots of love xx 

Hi Mel,

That is the tough part, is being open to treatment options and not being set on it being a certain way. Uuugh I say that because, eventhough you have another primary and it is different to a recurrence, generally they opt for a different treatment sometimes than what you originally had. 

You see, first time for me I had rads, lumpectomy and tamoxifen for 4yrs. When I had the recurrence they said throw out the Tamoxifen. Last year I wasnt able t have rads again and I Tamoxifen didnt work. Based on the pathology I had IDC 3rd Stage Aggressive Cancer, my Oncologist told me based on being 3rd stage and a recurrence, my only option was Chemo which I never ever wanted. This threw me into menopause and so a month after I finished I was put on Arimidex which I currently take.

I just remember my first visit last year with my Oncologist being incredibly angry and upset as in my mind I had decided on what I would do and was told something very different. So wait for the pathology and step at a time. 

Its a roller coaster, I honestly thought I was finished for good after Chemo...but now pushed for a mastectomy again not something i want to do. But I figure its the last thing to do so I can move on with confidence and take my life back. :) 

You will get there, bit by bit! I promise! xo 

Melinda

Hi Tonyam,

Thankyou for your reply & for sharing your experience. It's reassuring to know that there are others who have been through this journey second time around & found it emotionally different than the first time around too.

I am really hoping that this new primary in my other breast has the same pathology results as the original one so that treatment will be the same as before (lumpectomy & radiation only - hormone therapy was optional so I didn't go with it). But deep down I know that I have to allow myself to be open to the idea that the pathology could be different & may require a different treatment approach.

Really appreciate your support & words of encouragement :) 

take care 

Mel xx

Hi 2 Mels!

I had a lumpectomy, full node clearance and radiation back in 2003.I thought it was a one off and got on with my life.Then 7 years later I got a recurrence in the same spot. I was in disbelief at first and then sooo angry. It wasn't fair-I'd done the hard yards and I'd tried to stay healthy etc.I had to have a mastectomy,then chemo and Tamoxifen.That was 6 yrs ago and I've been fine ever since. I suspect the rate of recurrence after lumpectomy is higher than I was led to believe.Somehow we find the strength to go through it all again- what choice do we have? The positive is,that cancer has been found early again before it could spread.Its now time to think of yourself and make the necessary life changes to bring about a stress free life.Love and hugs to you both.xx

Hi Mel,

Thankyou so much for sharing your experience & for your kind & encouraging words. 

You are so right about loved ones & friends not being able to understand - I guess the truth is that unless they've experienced Cancer themselves how could they?!

Just being able to 'voice' my feelings here has already helped relieve some of the anxiety & sadness I've been experiencing since receiving the new diagnosis.

Stories like yours are truly humbling & really help put things into perspective. All the best with the next step in your journey :) 

 xxx

Really appreciate your kind words Scorpionqueen :) 

Just being able to 'vent' my fears & frustrations on this forum has already helped so much xx

Yes, it all sucks big time. So unfair especially when you do what they say and trust what is told to you. I just wish I got a second opinion now both times.

This time because of the chemo and radiation therapy involved I am seeing a naturopath to help my body cope with the toxins that are being put in my body.

and don't worry you are not alone, I too have a junk food addicted husband that used to stir me about my healthy eating choices but now he supports me on my healthy choices to the point he is constantly on my back about juicing again. My husband says he should be the one in my situation not me as he is an ex smoker and junk food addict big time.

Now I have a week of waiting for my pathology results from the latest piece of body removal.

Hi Mel!!!

It's Mel here too! I completely feel for you and completely understand!! What you are experiencing is absolutely normal on so many levels!!! The other comment is correct, remember this isnt a recurrence but still its cancer in the other breast. 

Mel, I had DCIS 2011, lumpectomy, radiation and tamoxifen for 4yrs! I beat it!!!!! I got on with my life did what I had to do just like you. I never looked back. Attended my yearly scans etc., until last year June, I had a recurrence, in the scar of my lumpectomy. What!!!!??? after all my treatment it came back?? Mel, I have to say emotionally 2nd time irrespective of a recurrence or a primary, its so so hard! I went through every emotion possible, even thinking what a waste of time my initial treatment. BUT...as time went on I realized we do what we have to at the time. I was so unlucky, I had another lumpectomy, lymph node removal which were clear, chemo and finished in December. I still have moments of anger, betrayal, sadness. Because of my recurrence my Breast Surgeon and Oncologist are now pushing for a mastectomy to make sure it never returns. Thats my next step. Like you, I thought I was done 4yrs ago. Its been a relentless hard road and what Ive learned the most through this now??? Is in spite of all of it...I just LOVE ME all the more through it, one step at a time. Its allowed me to turn full focus to me for the first time in my life...my wants and needs and not in a selfish way. Im a single parent for the past 6yrs and work and little support. Amazing how resilient and strong you realize you are! 

So as my journey continues, I remind myself, that I am CLEAR, one step at a time, and when I feel myself getting overwhelmed, let it out! Don't keep it to yourself, it is difficult as loved ones dont understand or friends! So I found a Psychologist through Epworth Hospital was beneficial, or anyone you can talk it through. Dont do it alone, use your supports...you'll be amazed at how many of us there are who share your emotions and fears. 

So deep breath, keep talking, step at a time. Love love love you...through it. You'll be ok and you'll get there! 

Hugs

Mel xoxo