Hi Mel!!!
It's Mel here too! I completely feel for you and completely understand!! What you are experiencing is absolutely normal on so many levels!!! The other comment is correct, remember this isnt a recurrence but still its cancer in the other breast.
Mel, I had DCIS 2011, lumpectomy, radiation and tamoxifen for 4yrs! I beat it!!!!! I got on with my life did what I had to do just like you. I never looked back. Attended my yearly scans etc., until last year June, I had a recurrence, in the scar of my lumpectomy. What!!!!??? after all my treatment it came back?? Mel, I have to say emotionally 2nd time irrespective of a recurrence or a primary, its so so hard! I went through every emotion possible, even thinking what a waste of time my initial treatment. BUT...as time went on I realized we do what we have to at the time. I was so unlucky, I had another lumpectomy, lymph node removal which were clear, chemo and finished in December. I still have moments of anger, betrayal, sadness. Because of my recurrence my Breast Surgeon and Oncologist are now pushing for a mastectomy to make sure it never returns. Thats my next step. Like you, I thought I was done 4yrs ago. Its been a relentless hard road and what Ive learned the most through this now??? Is in spite of all of it...I just LOVE ME all the more through it, one step at a time. Its allowed me to turn full focus to me for the first time in my life...my wants and needs and not in a selfish way. Im a single parent for the past 6yrs and work and little support. Amazing how resilient and strong you realize you are!
So as my journey continues, I remind myself, that I am CLEAR, one step at a time, and when I feel myself getting overwhelmed, let it out! Don't keep it to yourself, it is difficult as loved ones dont understand or friends! So I found a Psychologist through Epworth Hospital was beneficial, or anyone you can talk it through. Dont do it alone, use your supports...you'll be amazed at how many of us there are who share your emotions and fears.
So deep breath, keep talking, step at a time. Love love love you...through it. You'll be ok and you'll get there!
Hugs
Mel xoxo
