Tamoxifen: to take or not to take?

Hi Louie, Really struggling. I've got to the point of filling the script but have just not been able to take that next step!! I was lucky enough to have caught things early with Stage 1 / Grade 1 & no lymph node involvement. I've had a bilateral mastectomy to reduce the risk of recurrence in the breast tissue as much as I could (although I know there is still a possibility that it could come back in the scar or chest wall but those odds now are greatly reduced). Based on all of my stats the Oncologist has advised that my odds of no recurrence without any further treatment is 87%. He advised that chemo would give me a 5% improvement in non recurrence and tamoxifen would give me a 6% improvement. He has said no to chemo as he considers the risks outweigh the benefits however he has recommended tamoxifen as he considers the benefit outweighs the risks / side effects. This is the protocol and he has a duty of care to follow it however my Onc, BS & GP all agree that with such a small % improvement in risk it is really up to me to decide whether I proceed. I also have a history of uterine polyps which my gyno is concerned about & has suggested I consider a hysterectomy once breast recon is finished. I feel like I am only just holding it together in my current state of mind & don't want to tip the balance by taking a drug with so many negative side effects including anxiety & depression. I know so many lovely ladies on this site have such a strong & passionate view on this subject & are probably horrified that I am even considering not taking it but with such a small improvement in risk & even then, no guarantees, I just can't help feeling this reluctance in my gut. So crazy to think that less than 6 months ago i had been a picture of good health & my biggest worry was "are we going to have enough Super to retire on down the track", and now that all seems so unimportant!! I am sure that I will come to the right decision eventually, but right now I just want to heal. Still deciding........ Thanks for replying - You must be so pleased to be on your final herceptin - hope it is kind to you :) Deb x