Forum Discussion

Sarah54's avatar
Sarah54
Member
12 years ago

Surgeon appointment and 4 days count down to Round 4 TCH

Surgeon appointment and 4 days countdown to Round 4 TCH

I saw my surgeon yesterday. Mr Lee Jackson, Royal Perth Hospital. I met him briefly in January when I had my cauliflower growing off my left breast.

He was very thorough and asked me my understanding of what cancer I had. (This man has a very good sense of humour) as I understand of course but tend to forget very easily anyway he told me my lymph nodes behind sternum were cancerous and the ones above my collar bone also too. I swear this is new news to me and as my daughter was with me, also to her. We knew about the ones under arm pit on left side and in the neck also left side but below the collar bone so classified as local. The ones above and behind sternum are not classified as local but a spread.

Again my Adrenal glands was up for another airing and another PET scan.  I swear it’s part of the cancer protocol to drip feed the real issues. He told me I would undoubtly 99.9% sure I would get Lymphedema well guess what guys I think I have it now as that would be the reason my very slow left healing humerus is still swollen as all the lymph nodes on that side are cancerous/blocked.

Not the best appointment and taking my time to process all the information as Chemo brain means I just prefer to not think about things.

July 3rd is my double mastectomy op and then more chemo and icing on the cake will be a long tedious round of radiation to zap what is behind the sternum and above the collar bone.

Not sure I am going to do this. It maybe the ½ way mark doing the Chemo but I am just so over Cancer and want OUT. I want to get up and feel normal; I want to want to do things instead of hiding away. I am considering quality over quantity and really fear a bad dose of Lymphedema. No hope of reconstruction for a least a year so flat chested, and the girls would be 18 G and the prospects of a very fat swollen arm which I have already had for 6 months. Seconary cancers and even a new one on my adreanal glands. Can it get any better for someone who has not visited the doctors in 20 yrs?

Anyway lovely ladies you all have your own Rocky road to walk, crawl, run and this is all part of the journey no doubt. They put me on anti depressants a month ago to help with sleep which did but I feel far more depressed on these tablets than when not on them even with lack of sleep. At least I felt emotion, I cried, I stormed around with some anger now I am just flat and do not want to do anything at all. I just want each day to pass quicker than the last. I am wasting my time left and hate feeling like this.

Should I go off the anti depressants? Anyone please advise.

Healing Hugs to one and all

Sarah

5 Replies

  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    You know I thought I was going to have a miserable Easter but that was when I felt helpless with the onset of Lympedema. Taking some action by ringing a lymphedema Clinic and talking with the nurse who does the massage program helped me to feel that I could do something to improve the situation. I have followed her advice and at least it has not got any worse. I have an appointment to get assessed and put into a program of treatment so I know help is coming. AND I was able to talk with Paula and some other ladies on this network about the issue. That helped enormously. Hope changing or stopping your medication will make a difference for you. Quality of life is so important. It is hard to get a decent night's sleep but I often make up for this with a little nap during the day. I learnt that with chemo you just have to go with it not fight against it. Do what your body needs. The world goes on and we just do what we can. Look after yourself. Deanne xxx
  • Sarah54's avatar
    Sarah54
    Member
    12 years ago

    Thanks Deanne

    I read your story earlier this morning about 4am in fact as a link to Lymphedema brought you up and so sorry you probably have had a miserable Easter. It is hell is'nt it. But I have made another appointment with my GP to do something about these tablets. I want to enjoy sleeping but I don't want to trade another day to have 4 hours. Surely to god I can have something to help me to sleep but not suppress my real self.

    Anyway thanks for your reply and hope your day is being kind to you.

    love Sarah

  • Sarah54's avatar
    Sarah54
    Member
    12 years ago

    Thanks Roybn

    Have made a doctors appointment for tomorrow to review these dam tablets and I agree totally and I need to be pro active in this.

    kind regards Sarah

  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    I am sure that I would be feeling just like you,if I had just been given all that information.However,you are woman and you are strong! One day at a time,and step by step! You can get through this,and I am thinking that maybe the anti depressants are not helping the way that you are coping emotionally.I am no expert,that's for sure,but I do strongly believe that we have to yell,scream,swear,cry,get cranky,fall in a heap,get up again,and keep moving forward....feeling like a zombie is not helping you at all,as all the emotions are bottled up.As for being flat chested,who cares? I am flat chested AND lopsided,and I couldn't care less.Flat and free!!Dont stop now Sarah,as you are half way through chemo,and everyone who has done radiation will tell you that it is a lot easier than chemo.Stay on this network Sarah,and let us help you with all your feelings that are so hard for you to deal with.I am sure that lots of other ladies will be on here soon to reassure you also.Take care and remember,day by day!! Love and cyber hugs...xox Robyn
  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    I am sure that I would be feeling just like you,if I had just been given all that information.However,you are woman and you are strong! One day at a time,and step by step! You can get through this,and I am thinking that maybe the anti depressants are not helping the way that you are coping emotionally.I am no expert,that's for sure,but I do strongly believe that we have to yell,scream,swear,cry,get cranky,fall in a heap,get up again,and keep moving forward....feeling like a zombie is not helping you at all,as all the emotions are bottled up.As for being flat chested,who cares? I am flat chested AND lopsided,and I couldn't care less.Flat and free!!Dont stop now Sarah,as you are half way through chemo,and everyone who has done radiation will tell you that it is a lot easier than chemo.Stay on this network Sarah,and let us help you with all your feelings that are so hard for you to deal with.I am sure that lots of other ladies will be on here soon to reassure you also.Take care and remember,day by day!! Love and cyber hugs...xox Robyn