Struggling

Question

I was diagnosed in Sept, on fri 13th lol! I have tried to stay positive, mainly for everyone else including my husband who tries but doesnt really want to know what i'm going through. I know he's scared but so am i! Initially there was a lot of support from family/friends but as time has gone on it's slipped under the radar a bit. Maybe i was too good at putting on a brave face. Breezed through 4 and 1/2 months of chemo with few side effects, and still working. Now that i have to face the next step, a mastectomy, I find i'm really struggling. That and the menopausal symptoms are not fun! I'm 35 with 2 young girls. I'm sure I'll get there but some days are really hard. It's great to find a place like this with people who understand, so thankyou! :)

robyn_w · Answer

Hi Jenni:) I just want to say that you have taken a really important step in writing on this network of FANTASTIC ladies,who all help each other through this crap journey! I am a lot older than you,in fact my eldest daughter is your age,but BC is not discrimatory .It must be hard when your husband doesn't want to know much about it,but like you said,he is probably terrified of losing you.There is a brochure for partners of diagnosed people,and I think if you go to the links tab on the home page,you will find it.Just scroll pretty much all the way down to the bottom.Perhaps you could just leave it laying around the house!I had my mastectomy first,and like you,I didn't find chemo all that bad.A mastectomy is not bad either. I was absolutely terrified,and was so surprised to find that the pain was really minimal.When I came home from hospital,I only needed Panadol.The menopausal symptons must be tough for you,being so young.I had been going through menopause for 6 years when I was diagnosed,so nothing really new there! I am sure that lots of other ladies your age will jump on here to offer their support to you.Just remember,this network is here 24/7 and it really can be like a second family at a time like this.Even better in some ways,because everyone on here understands.Take care,and I'm sending you a big hug:).  xoxoRobyn

lana · Answer

Welcome! It is one long tough journey but just remember to keep your eye on the prize and don't ever lose sight of it. You will get through this and be more of an amazing person than you were before. I am in a similar situation to you. Pre menopausal with 2 little girls. I have had my mastectomy and have 1 chemo round to go followed by radiation. If you can get through chemo you can get through anything. Although it is tough losing a breast or breasts it is actually amazing how quickly you recover. I try to take a moment to relax or meditate and when a negative thought enters my mind, which they regularly do, I quickly try to re focus myself and think of something positive or something that I am looking forward to in the future. I am finding being pro active about my health is also helping. Eating the right foods, exercising, relaxing etc.. Some ladies find vision boards helpful. It is hard being strong all of the time esp. with little children. From the depths within you will find the courage and the strength to get through your operation. I wish you well in your BC journey.XO

bearteggie · Answer

Welcome!&nbsp; I am in a similar position to you in that my husband doesn't want to talk much about what I am going through.&nbsp; I have the booklet for partners but he doesn't want to look at it at all.&nbsp; I feel like I have to be strong for him and my son all the time.&nbsp; It is his way of keeping on going and holding everything together.&nbsp; Like most men he is a "Mr Fix It"&nbsp; but with this he can't.&nbsp; If I am coping he is coping.&nbsp;
I am fortunate that I have a good relationship with my sister and a couple of really good friends who I can talk to.&nbsp; When I am a total wreck I prefer to discuss my fears etc with my&nbsp;psychologist.&nbsp; It must be scary watching your loved one going through this journey.&nbsp; I don't know how I would cope if the tables were turned.
If you can get through chemo you can get through anything.&nbsp; The mastectomy was easier for me than having chemo and I had an auxilliary clearance with 23 nodes removed as well.
You sound very strong and what I have found and&nbsp; learned here is that "anticipation is worse than participation".&nbsp; I hope this is of some comfort to you.
Joy xx
&nbsp;

sami71 · Answer

All these comments sound so familiar. I had chemo first as they wanted to shrink the tumour that was under my collarbone and in my axilla before they did surgery.&nbsp; Thankfully the chemo worked on those and reduced the size of the one in my breast.&nbsp; I came through chemo quite well considering.&nbsp; I had a double mastectomy which funnily enough I wasn't too concerned about.&nbsp; I was more concerned about whether I would wake up or not. I had trouble with a previous surgery years ago. I didn't have much pain at all.&nbsp; I didn't take any painkillers (I don't like them at the best of times).&nbsp; I had radiation afterwards which was a breeze.&nbsp; It was more tiring having to drive to the hospital everyday.&nbsp;
I&nbsp;also found that the people I thought would be there for me weren't and the people I didn't expect to be there were.&nbsp; I also found that once treatment was over, you feel lost emotionally.&nbsp; I separated four months before I was diagnosed.&nbsp; Luckily we remained friends (even after 18 years) and he would take me to my chemo sessions and I would stay at his house for a few days afterwards.&nbsp; He also dropped me off at the hospital for my surgery.&nbsp;
I am struggling emotionally probably because I am alone and I have no breasts and although I am comfortable within myself and love myself, I feel I am not complete for anyone else.&nbsp; I have made new friends since the surgery, but once they find out I have no breasts the communication is very few and far between.&nbsp; I'm 42 and am also post menopausal.&nbsp; My hot flushes aren't as bad as they were a few months ago. I am however struggling a little physically because of the tablets the Oncologist has me on (Letrozole).&nbsp; I feel like I'm 90 sometimes.&nbsp;
On the bright side, I have remained positive all the way through and know that I am a much stronger person than I was before my diagnosis (I was fairly strong then).&nbsp; I may not be a beautiful person on the outside but I am not going to let anyone bring me down and make me think that I am not beautiful on the inside.&nbsp; We all are!
As Joy said "anticipation is worse than participation".&nbsp; Everyone fears what they don't know.&nbsp; You will wake up wondering what all the fuss was about :-)
Sami xxxx

Forum Discussion

Struggling

4 Replies

Recent Discussions

Genomic testing or skip the test

Maitland Public or Private Hospitals?

Short stabbing pain

🗣️🩺Cancer Australia invites your participation in the Optimal Care Pathway (OCP) templates

Post mastectomy scar management

Disclaimer: