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Federica's avatar
Federica
Member
12 years ago

Spring cleaning

The days seem to go so slowly when you are waiting for for something very important. I will get the result of my Core biopsy on Tuesday and I can't lie, I have been thinking of it every single second since last Thursday . I had very very dark moments but overalls I did ok, trying to be positive and calm. We went out Saturday morning for a family breakfast and we were having a nice time with the girls and next thing I know I had to force myself to breathe because I could feel something like a panic attack taking over. Never had one before and always wonder what it feels like . I've found that breathing slowly throughout the nose , hold , and then exhaling thought the mouth really works. Then I forgot my handbag at the cafe but that's completely understandable :) . I went to bed really early both nights , around 8.30/ 9 pm and slept like a baby until 6 am , I definitely needed some rest. This morning we went for a swim to beautiful Nielsen park, and the view and feel of the ocean did me good. The hardest time is when I look at the girls and all kind of dark thoughts run through my head . In these moments I have to do something to distract myself. This afternoon I cleaned the bedrooms windows inside out , washed blinds , scrubbed window frames and made the glass shine, than vacuumed ,washed floors, change sheets, did 3 loads of washing . I don't think I cleaned with so much energies and obsession since I was nesting for the birth of the girls. One thing is for sure , between now and Tuesday this house will be the cleanest it's ever been !!! Hope you all have a serene night . Fxx

8 Replies

  • Federica's avatar
    Federica
    Member
    12 years ago
    Hi Karen , thank you for your words . Funny though , I went grocery shopping this morning after school drop off and halfway throuught it I had to start doing some breathing exercises as I could feel emotions taking over me . But as you say, the waiting is over (for now ) and I feel relieved . Hope you are good today Karen , I'm trying slowly to read your stories from the beginning , I find you are all incredibly strong and supportive women . Thank you Federica xoxo
  • Federica's avatar
    Federica
    Member
    12 years ago
    Thanks Deanne for your lovely message and for remembering that today was" the day ." I feel much better now that we have a diagnosis and a plan, I could not eat much in the last four days, just too anxious to feel any appetite but tonight I was back to my usual self ( I don't know if it's necessarily a good thing though ;) ) Hope you are feeling well today and that this is a good week for you. Federica x
  • Yoga_nut's avatar
    Yoga_nut
    Member
    12 years ago
    Hi Frederica , I know exactly what you mean.....the weekend I was waiting for results I had the beginnings of what I could only describe as a panic attack in the supermarket . I never had it happen before or since ... Horrible feeling , just had to abandon the trolley and get outside because there was no air . Hope today went as well as it could have ... At least the day has come and nearly gone now. Whatever the outcome , with your husband and friends around you , you will find the strength to manage anything . Thinking of you x :) Karen
  • Yoga_nut's avatar
    Yoga_nut
    Member
    12 years ago
    Hi Frederica , I know exactly what you mean.....the weekend I was waiting for results I had the beginnings of what I could only describe as a panic attack in the supermarket . I never had it happen before or since ... Horrible feeling , just had to abandon the trolley and get outside because there was no air . Hope today went as well as it could have ... At least the day has come and nearly gone now. Whatever the outcome , with your husband and friends around you , you will find the strength to manage anything . Thinking of you x :) Karen
  • Federica's avatar
    Federica
    Member
    12 years ago
    Hi Deanne and Robyn, obsessive cleaning is now my favourite pastime . So true Dianne, reading or watching tv doesn't work , I need to keep physically engaged. I had a beautiful walk around Centennial Park this morning with a dear friend, and she said to me: " get your diagnosis tomorrow and than I'll go into action mode" . She wants to organise school lunches , school pick ups and family meals , something others mums have been doing at school for families affected by illnesses . She is an amazing friend and I feel so blessed to have people like her in my life. You are right Robyn I think talking to the surgeon will make me feel better. I will keep you posted tomorrow night, thank you for your support. Fxx
  • Robyn_W's avatar
    Robyn_W
    Member
    12 years ago
    Lol,there must be a lot of clean houses in the BC community! I was like Deanne.I couldn't read a thing,because I couldn't concentrate.Physical activity is definitely the best.I remember the day I got my results.I was so nervous,sitting in the waiting room,my hands were cold,my mouth was dry:( However,as soon as I was told the results,I actually felt a lot better.I think it is really the fear of the unknown,and your own imagination ,that makes it so much worse.Thinking of you for tomorrow.Let us know how you go.Cheers Robyn.xoxo
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I think most of us had a bit of a cleaning/organizing frenzy when diagnosed. It is partly just to keep going, keep busy and keep your mind off the topic of cancer but also I felt a compulsion to get as much done as possible before surgery/treatment. Keeping physically busy seemed to work because anytime I tried to read or even watch TV my mind kept wandering back to what ifs etc. That lack of concentration lasts for quite a while. I am glad that your husband is going with you to your appointment as it is really difficult to listen and take in all the info. My doctor wrote down the main points for us and even gave us her email address in case we had questions afterwards. We did and she was very quick to respond with the answers. She reassured us that it was ok to ask about anything we were unsure of. Hope it goes as well as possible tomorrow. Take care. Deanne xx
  • Deanne's avatar
    Deanne
    Member
    12 years ago
    I think most of us had a bit of a cleaning/organizing frenzy when diagnosed. It is partly just to keep going, keep busy and keep your mind off the topic of cancer but also I felt a compulsion to get as much done as possible before surgery/treatment. Keeping physically busy seemed to work because anytime I tried to read or even watch TV my mind kept wandering back to what ifs etc. That lack of concentration lasts for quite a while. I am glad that your husband is going with you to your appointment as it is really difficult to listen and take in all the info. My doctor wrote down the main points for us and even gave us her email address in case we had questions afterwards. We did and she was very quick to respond with the answers. She reassured us that it was ok to ask about anything we were unsure of. Hope it goes as well as possible tomorrow. Take care. Deanne xx