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Traceylee's avatar
Traceylee
Member
13 years ago

Someone stole my boob!

 

Well, that was what you think when you first wake up and realise what has happened to your body.....  The first time you see the end result of your mastectomy is overwhelming.  The photos you search on the web really don't prepare you for the reality of what you see.  

 

The nurse with me when the great unveiling was done was very supportive and it was nice to have a tear shared with someone at this time.  The comment 'its very neat' was lost to the shock of what I now look like.   Steri stips hide the sewn up skin that once was my right breast.   To say it was confronting is an understatement!. 

 

My nightshirt slides over my body and I look at my reflection in the mirror and try not to cry.  I still have no regrets in the decision I made to have the mastectomy, but once it is over, WOW..........

 

Now that I am home I am struggling to say the least with what my body and mind is going through.  I am so very lucky to have a very loving and suppotive husband who would do anything for me.   I have also a great family and friend support group who would be there for me at the drop of a hat.  I have found it so overwhelming the impact my diagnosis has had on my friends.  I think because breast cancer is a woman's worst fear, the woman friends and family in your life take it very personally when someone they know gets it.  Hopefully, if nothing else, I would have encouraged a few of them to have a regular check!

 

I would have to say, I do not make a good patient. I hate not being able to help myself.  I was put on this earth to help others not have it the other way and that is a big hurdle for me, but I have to allow myself to let others do for me, but it is hard....... Especially at Christmas.

 

I have decided that I need to heal, get my drain out, let the swelling ease, get my pathology results then it will be time to deal with my physical appearance.  It is all too much to deal with and my head is just exploding with a million emotions and feelings that I just have to take a step by step approach to this whole situation.  

 

I will end this entry with a laugh, remember I mentioned the plaster cast, well my wonderful husband and I did make one.  It was with apprehension that he helped me but in the end it was good for the soul and made a little light of the situation which was very needed.  So now I have a permanent memento of the one I lost.    

 

Till next time .... 

 

Tracey-Lee Pitot

 

Follow my Journey blog on [email protected] 

coping
mastectomy

4 Replies

  • Traceylee's avatar
    Traceylee
    Member
    13 years ago
    My thoughts and prayers will be with you on Tuesday and beyond. Something that I should have gone through with was to get both taken, that way I would of gone through the last 4 months of grief for both. It scares me terribly that it may come again in the remaining breast. I see my surgeon in June and will discuss with him the option of having the left taken off. It will ease my mind that I won't have to worry as much but the trauma that I have experienced scares me. I know that I have made the right decision to have a mastectomy, but the reality of the dramatic change to your body is difficult to deal with. I know you will get through it keep tough when you first see it and if it helps have someone with you, mainly to have a cry and give you a big hug. My nurse was amazing. Great news about your photo shoot. My husband and I did a plaster cast of my boobs before surgery. It was great fun for us both to do. Remember to take your time, it is not easy ( well for me it wasn't ). The next couple of weeks will be tough but remember you are not alone and I would be so happy to chat with you if you would like. My email is [email protected]. Any time Sue. Would love to hear how you are going. Xx Tracey
  • SueVR's avatar
    SueVR
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi Tracey-Lee, thanks for your post and poem. I am off for a Right breast masectomy on Tuesday and am very, very scared. I am only 47 and so not ready to loose my boob. I have just finished 5 months of chemo and that was nowhere near as frightening as the thought of this. I know the reality of it all is going to be tough and I really don't know if I am ready for it.

    I was secretly hoping that the chemo would mean that I did not have to have a masectomy, but because of the amount of tumors and the triple neg thing it has been deemed that my prognosis would be better. I accept this and made the decision to go for the chop - but that does not mean that I am ready for it.

    Hearing your thoughts has helped my by knowing what I might feel next week will probably be the same. I am trying not to think about that part but it does consume your every thought.

    On a positive note I do have a professional shoot booked for tomorrow to help me say goodbye to my body. Thanks Heaps Sue

  • Traceylee's avatar
    Traceylee
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hey there Mitch. Know that as a fellow pink lady a big hug is coming your way. I am so glad you enjoyed my word and will follow my blog. Writing no matter wether you let anyone look at it or not is great therapy, I am sure there are words in you that will quickly make a story. I agree with you that we need to pick and choose wisely the people we have in our lives during our journey so that we don't have to deal with personal agendas or egos. It is sad though that the person you most think will be there for you just can't handle the whole event, but I know that the ones that went with following your lead are your true supporters. I wish you all the best with your struggles and your journey. As you I am wishing I had taken both breasts from the beginning then I would not be having this continued nightmare that the cancer will come back in the one left. Huge decisions. My prayers are with you always. Xx Tracey-Lee
  • Mich_x's avatar
    Mich_x
    Member
    13 years ago
    Hey TraceyI wish I could reach through here and just give you a big hug.  I didn't lose a boob but sometimes I wish I had as I am having no end of problems with it.  It is tough either way I think.You seem so bright, intelligent and clever with words, so you can get your thoughts out there and us pink sisters are happy to be here for you.  You have your good friends and you have your loving family like most of us have but I think unless you are going through it or been through it you just don't really get it.  I know what you mean about the female family and friends becoming quite passionate (if that is the word) about our diagnosis because I guess they know it is something that could happen to them.  I lost a friend because of my diagnosis because she couldn't deal with it, not so much for me but for herself as she felt if she was around me she would catch something maybe?? or would be worrying about her boobs and her daughters boobs all the time (yep was a good friend).  Needless to say I don't need people like that in my life.  Each to their own I say.It is such an emotional roller coaster ride that we find ourselves on.  We do need to nurture ourselves for a while and let people help us - just for a while if that makes you feel better but we do need to at this time.  I am about as stubborn as you and did a large part of my journey on my own and didn't accept help and didn't reach out for help and if I could turn back time now I would do it differently.  People want to help, people want to feel needed by you so they feel they have done their bit in your healing and thru your journey.I will follow your blog cyclone tracey.  You are so lucky you can get a lot of what you are feeling out in words.  That is a gift so run with it.Wishing you well and looking forward to how you are healing and how you are travelling.Lots of love, Mich xoxo