Relax....it's the long weekend
Day 11 - after round six.
Well as expected I didn't really sleep that well......thoughts going around my head.....and around....and around.
Woke up really achy, then realised I had forgotten to take panadol in the afternoon and last night.....will switch to Panadol Osteo and see if they carry me further..
My tail bone is getting better...I do have to be careful which way I sit and getting in and out of the car requires a very prim and proper side saddle approach! My arms are giving me a bit of trouble but i do think that's from hitting the deck the other week, just muscular....my exercises seem to be helping with that....But otherwise I can get about much easier now....
The inflammation from the chemo is pretty much the same and I have now got a really sore spot on my ear, which makes sleeping on that side a little prickly! I have to make a little hollow in my pillow for my ear to sit! LOL!
I am trying not to think about my surgery too much....but I can't really avoid looking in the mirror....so when I do, I look at my boobs and wonder what I will look like without them....I know I will have "new" ones...but these ones have been a BIG (pun intended) part of my life and have become somewhat of a "trademark" if you will...
It's a strange feeling, bittersweet? maybe comes to mind....My big boobs have caused me a considerable amount of pain over the years....*** NEWSFLASH!!! - It's actually NOT fun to have big boobs!*** ... neck pain, shoulder pain, back pain, boob pain....having to buy size 20-22 shirts to get over them when you are only a 12-14! Having to go to specialty shops to get your size cup (if you are lucky), not being able to run...or jump! ..not being able to see your
feet!... not being able to lie on your stomach (ouch) or lie on your back (you actually can't breathe properly) not being able to fold your arms! LOL! Hugging people is awkward....and even just standing up to greet someone can take their eye out!! Not to mention the boob jokes, being the first in your class to wear a bra and the teasing when I was younger.....
They do however have their "perks"...my hubby loves them, they are great for resting your cup of tea on! and they are great food catchers! I have secretly wanted a reduction for a while and was actually considering it....but then the universe decided to force the issue on to me.....and it's pissed me off a little. A reduction is something you want to do on your own terms, through your own thought process and choice... and now I pretty much have no choice.
It has taken quite an effort to come to terms with the fact that part of my treatment will be a mastectomy.....the thought of losing a very visual part of your femininity is freaking terrifying.....but the commonsense light switches on and I know this is the right thing to do....the BEST thing for me to do and sometimes just briefly, I secretly smile to myself and think ....
Hey! ...I'll be 50 in October.....I will have new hair.....I will have new boobs (that aren't heading south!)....new scars to be proud of, Yes PROUD of! and a new lease on life.....
Hope you all have a great long weekend!
