Realisation hits

A phone call just before the Christmas break and I found it hard to get on with life, the surgeon advises it's low grade but doesn't think margins are clear enough.  I have to see him mid Jan13.  No one is messing with me, I have BC and I feel STUPID!  Strange reaction, I don't know, but it's my reaction.  So very stupid, I just want to hide from everyone and I cry alot, I try really hard to put on a brave face and make Christmas happy but I am a total failure, my poor loving family suffer through with me, hardly leaving my side.  I am still so sore and weak and I feel stupid and helpless.