Pre-surgery Emotional Ups & Downs

Hi Melhay,

You're striking me as totally normal and its not surprising that your tolerance is low - try not to focus on the unhelpful feelings of guilt around this, try to make space for some kindness to yourself and do what you need to do to cope, even if its just for the next hour. You'll get there. The amazing thing is that even with all of this going on with your health, the reality of the here and now (i.e your daughter's struggles) is still there - I guess its a reminder that life is for living now. Don't be too hard on yourself for not juggling everything so well right now though. You'll be multitasking again before you know it. You no doubt will be modelling for your daughter the importance of self care, doing what you need to do to cope, and taking care of yourself when times are tough.

I remember when I was on day 3 after diagnosis, I took the kids to school and then walked back in the door with my baby (who was crawling at the time), put her down and just totally lost it. I was an absolute mess, crying and just feeling so guilty and scared and helpless. While all this was happening I wasn't really aware that she had crawled into my son's room and after a while I noticed a banging sound. I walked into the bedroom blubbering and she was banging on my son's lunchbox that he'd left at home. I had to pull myself together and go back up to school with blotchy eyes with the lunchbox. It was a stark reminder to stay grounded despite how horrible you feel and to know the world still turns and your kids still need you - that said, its totally ok to lose it, you just allow space to do both and do what you have to do to get through, hour at a time. I'm on the other side of it now and you will hopefully be too soon.

best wishes x