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Post-treatment Tired and can't afford to be
Hi there, I am a 60 year old who has had a pretty-easy, early-invasive BC journey: Small, ER+, PR+, HER-; Lumpectomy with clear margins; 2 lymph nodes taken but uninvolved; Axillar seroma drained; 1...
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Hi LP020406
I was 68 when I started seeing a counsellor for what turned out to be about six sessions over ten weeks. I wasn't exhausted - but as a previously almost never sick person, I wasn't sure what changes, if any, lymphoedema, an arrythmia and peripheral neuropathy (all manageable) were required in my life. At no time did the excellent woman I was seeing use the term 'insanity' - but she most certainly did not use normal either. I'm (belatedly!) not a fan of 'getting back to normal' - mainly because we only live forwards. Cancer has happened and even with a brilliant recovery, you are no longer exactly the same person. You are a bit older, maybe wiser, almost certainly tougher, and far less surprised by what can just 'happen'. My counsellor was a little more specific - she didn't think there was anything 'normal' about my 'normal' life. Long hours, public events which were lots of fun and also riddled with potential dramas, political environments, see-sawing priorities, lots of 'after hours' time commitments. Quiet weekends? Sometimes, but she nailed me on 'were they really relaxed or was I just recovering sufficiently to start again on Monday?' I enjoyed what I was doing, I enjoyed being the sort of person who could do it, I didn't take almost any time off during treatment, I handled surgery and chemo well. Her prescriptions were simple - at least 20 minutes in the fresh air, doing nothing, daily. Learn to delegate - if that means that the person you have delegated the task to is slower, or even slightly less efficient, see it all as their learning process! Prioritise time for yourself - that is not free time, it's committed time. Stop congratulating yourself for managing tumultuous times, think more about whether you really need them or not. At no time did she mention mortality - I am sure she knew I would get to that in time, which I did. My Jane Eyre principle - 'I will keep in good health and not die' - stood me in good stead for seven decades but it's not perfect! Thinking about time perhaps being finite a bit earlier than I did might have been useful, but better late than never. So start with coffee in the garden and breathing. Delegate. Keep moving forward. Visualise a 'normal' where you can build energy not just expend it (that one took me quite some time!). If you like reading, read. If you like listening to music, do that and nothing else for half an hour, regularly. You'll find a new normal and it may even be better than the old one. Best wishes.
HiAfraser
thanks for this share it’s me to a tea but i am feeling if i do stop and relax then i am giving in to the cancer
No need to stop! I've never believed that stress causes cancer (although certainly not good for you in general terms) but stopping what you enjoy doesn't do you much good either. Small steps. I could do the 20 minutes in the garden straight away. I had staff to delegate to and most of them (not all!) were pleased to have more control. Those who weren't learned fairly quickly that I was abandoning the old habit, when things didn't go so well, of saying "Oh, give it to me, I'll do it!'. I was happy to advise but it would have to be done again. Efficiency increased. I was over a year after diagnosis, no longer in active treatment, when I was offered a new job - 'Thank you, but I couldn't possibly....' had already left my mouth when I realised that I could. Three conditions - my new boss needed to know my age, my cancer history and that I wanted a four day week. The answers were 'Don't care', 'Don't care' and 'Yes'. Four day weeks are common now, and with a bit of organising and retaining my preference for working till about 7pm on workdays (blissful peace to get on with stuff in an empty office between five and seven!), just as much got done. But a three day weekend was a revelation. The 'battler' terminology lends itself to seeing cancer as an endless struggle against the enemy - and some if it is a struggle. But holding one's ground, and still caring about your body and what it can still do, is important too. Good luck.