Pity Party Woe is Me

@Yellow_Daffodil oh bubble tea I love that :D I would have to agree, I'm not sure if its a pity party as such but what if it is?? Are we not human? I think anyone who has been through anything in their life has earnt their right to feel sad, upset, down, hopeless, or whatever emotion rises don't you? I honestly believe this is all part of the whole thing and it is so, so important to acknowledge everything we feel, the beauty is we don't stay their or unpack there? we pick up after our bubble tea a little more OK and able to step forward. For me its chocolate YAAAS!!! hee hee!! 

I have been on this path (not journey uuuugh lol) for 10 years now. I quickly came to learn after my 2nd bout and recurrence at the 4 year mark that hmmm ok this isnt straightforward and I think the unpredictability of it became very real. Inspite of lumpectomy wide excision, radiation and tamoxifen for 4yrs it came back in the same spot? they still cannot explain it, it happens. So another lumpectomy, sentinel node biopsy, lymph nodes clear but 2.5cm tumor within my 12 month checkup IDC Stage 2 grade 3 whoa! OK so had to do chemo, 1 year after that eventhough I was clear the Oncologist pushed for a single mastectomy to be sure. So 2017 I had a single mastectomy/diep flap recon and they did do a wonderful job I admit. There are so many things though that they just don't tell you about side effects and living with it all and so we all move forward with our new normal. 

Oh another thing I never liked is when someone would say to me 'Oh you're in remission' I never use that word, it might be a play on words but for me the word remission gives permission LOL.  Instead I say I am fine and healthy :D Ummm there are a few other things people say in regards to Cancer that I'm like you really need to think of different words LOL. 

Keep your sense of humor that is the most important thing! but also throw that pity party anytime you feel like too! you are allowed to be vulnerable and to me there is no better honesty than someone who is STRONG, courageous and can still bare their soul in their pain! 

You will grow through this in ways you never thought you would and always look at how far you have come, not how far you have to go. 

Biggest of hugs to you and have that damn Pavlova ha!


 M x

Hi @Yellow_Daffodil,

My cancer was grade 2 so not slow or agressive but really until i was diagnosed i didnt really feel much in my boob. All of a sudden it was big and heavy. I think the concern is that it could be in my other boob in future or laying dormant or have filtered through to lymph nodes without detection.  They told me they wanted to give me insurance to get to my 80s. I wasnt going to diasagree.

 Ilc is supposed to be more prevalent in older women. I guess when you have a large sneaky tumour in a 49 year old they start to worry. My breast surgeon seemed a bit shocked by pathology after my mastectomy. Even bigger than mri showed. The other breast appeared fine in mri. 

Im surprised by suggestions that chemo wouldnt be effective. Oncs follow protocols based on your situation.its important to me to feel that ive done what i can to rid myself. Ive got 2 kids. 

I hope that you are ok. Its a lot. Your team will discuss what is best and advise you. Try not to read to much on the internet because that will scare the pants off you and not everything you read is right, recent or reputable. 

There is an ilc group you can join on here. 

Hugs
Michele

All the best @June1952 - this bloody waiting for result just SUCKS. xx.   Nuts & Bolts is just YUMMY, even now - and there are SO many different versions around!!  A friend gave us some just before Xmas & we've been working our way thru it!  LOL. (PS Bread makers are WONDERFUL for making Pizza Bases .... you can even cut the dough into individual 'sizes' and freeze them .....) 

Thank you @FLClover  ..... hehe, if he has ONE DRINK, he is 'anybody's'!!  We'll be staying home & keeping it indoors!  ;)
I've had my first Rum & Coke already .....  and Still got that 1/2 bottle of wine 'to go' too ...... 

@arpie we will have better days, if we truly believe we deserve them. And we bloody well do deserve them!! 😀😀🥰🥰. Enjoy your yummy pizzas and some wine with your handsome man 😊😊♥️♥️.

@June1952 we’re only as old as our spirit, and I believe yours is quite young ☺️. Take it easy after the scan today, it will be clear but the stress is real. Your risotto is more than good enough, even cold and leftover 😁😋😋. Have yourself a well deserved glass or two of wine, but first plenty of water 😀🥰♥️♥️. 

Oh, the old 'nuts and bolts' - that shows our age @arpie.  Enjoy.
Home for us as well tonight.  No pizza bases at the shop and after the 'scanxiety' appointment plus the heat today I can't be bothered making a base.  Having cold leftover risotto !.

I'll bring the Rum & Coke and some good old fashioned 'Nuts & Bolts' .... I find the tried & true to be the best to celebrate any party - particularly a pity party!  xx

We'll be celebrating alone - our town is absolutely over-run with tourists just now so we won't be going NOWHERE!! ;)

We have some left over Home Made Pizzas too ... so that will be YUM!

Take care, all the best & Happy New Year to you @Yellow_Daffodil and everyone on the blog xx. I'll be glad to leave 2021 behind ..... and can only hope for better days in 2022

Hi there,
I am not a cry baby but I never cried so much as I did when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.Including in public places like the supermarket checkout!
It’s perfectly normal to feel shock, disassociation, anger , helplessness at the diagnosis.
I found once I had my first surgery ( the mastectomy) I felt a lot more in control of my emotions as there was a “plan.”
I did have a couple of sessions with a counsellor who specialised in cancer patients and found that most helpful.
I still have the odd cry (18 months after my diagnosis) but it’s a lot less frequent and usually in the privacy of my own bed.

I am with you and the savouries @Cath62.  Add the wine and you are really talking my language ....
I think we all start a new year with the feeling of hope so maybe our collective happy thoughts will scare covid away for 2022.  To have a cure for cancer would be wonderful.
With so many new cases now we will stay home tonight.  I might make some pizzas (the air con can combat the heat of the oven on a 36 degree day down here).  Oh, that is after I go out in the heat of the day for the mammogram and ultrasound.  😀
All the best everyone.

Hey @Yellow_Daffodil I can relate. I have a degree in the pity party when they are on. I host and I am the only one at them. Yes I can eat but not sweets as much as savoury things. Then I like to have a glass of wine or 2 and tell myself aint it awful what happened to me. I can indulge this for a day and that's ok. But that's all I allow myself as I don't want to stay in that place as it doesn't feel good.

Instead I put my big girl pants on and be grateful for every thing I can be.

I am going to be 60 this year. I swear I have 9 lives and have used about 6 brushes with death already. I actually thought I was lucky to make it to 30 and then health issues started for me

I have had 5 malignant cancers including bc and been treated for them all.  I also had a super bug at 40 which put me in icu for 15 days and  another 5 weeks in hospital.  None of them have killed me.

I feel grateful to be alive and with my husband Colin who I only met when I was 47. I am grateful too for my son, his wife and my little grandson.

My 50s were plagued with health issues, 4 surgeries including bc. Colin had just  met me and then has nursed me through all my health stuff. I am not perfect but I am cancer free and here to enjoy new years eve.

We are going out for dinner to a little local restaurant. Never done that before so looking forward to it. I am going to celebrate being here and making it to my 60th year.

I hope 2022 is a better year for all. I hope covid dies,  all breast cancer will be treatable and cured and I hope there is peace of mind for all.  

I actually don’t even think it’s pity. It might feel like it is, but I think it’s something else. I’ve noticed with so many of us, we’ve spent our whole lives looking after others, and always putting ourselves last. I, just as one example, put up with my daughter’s father for years, even after we’d broken up. He did such horrible things to me, and yet I felt sorry for him cause he was so helpless and pathetic. I thought I could fix him, because I knew deep down he’s a good person, so I kept helping him. If only I’d put that energy into myself. After diagnosis, I finally sat down with myself and really saw how much I had neglected myself, and I felt sorry for myself, finally, just as I’d felt sorry for my ex and so many others around me til then. And it was ok for me to feel sorry for myself, because I really did go through some really tough stuff, since childhood. I was always ‘but it’s ok, I can handle it, I’m fine, I’m strong’, and THEN I was ‘f**k this, I’ve had enough of this shit, I deserve better than this! I’ve had it tough, and it wasn’t ok. I’m strong but I’m human too, and don’t want things thrown at me just cause I can ‘handle’ them! I want it easy from now on, I deserve good things, and I feel really bad for what I allowed on myself’ and it just got me crying so much. And that was ok. I had sadness in me that I had been suppressing, and it was good to get it out. A big relief.