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Heidstar12's avatar
Heidstar12
Member
13 years ago

Perspective

I met with a woman today who has just been diagnosed with mouth & tongue cancer (non-smoker, non-drinker). Her chance of survival with surgery, chemo and radiation is 30-40%, with only chemo & radiation it's 20-30%. The op will leave many scars and inability to speak and eat for a long while. There is no organised support for her in Australia like there is for breast cancer...and as most people with her condition are older and male, there's not alot of people she can share her experience with. I'm currently processing my feelings about my interaction with her....needless to say I feel 'lucky'...I was also glad that the sharing of my experience helped her just a little (I am the first person who's had cancer of any type that she's actually spoken with!). It's such a horrible disease...I'm posting this to help process my feelings about meeting someone whose prognosis is far less optimistic than mine in contrast with my own feelings of fear about the possibility of my cancer recurring (I finished chemo 2 months ago). I guess I feel conflicted - sorry for myself on the one hand and extremely lucky and priveleged (re: my prognosis and the amazing support offered to those of us with BC) on the other hand. I don't want to minimise what any of us with BC have/are/will go through (let's face it, it sucks!) but I also want to acknowledge that there are others out there with the dreaded cancer who are alo suffering and may need our support and understanding. Sure, not all cancers are the same (not even all BC's are the same) but the shock, fear, confusion, loneliness etc etc are something we all share. I was glad that I was able to share my experiences with this brave woman, just so she didn't feel totally alone as she takes her first steps on what will no doubt be a long and harrowing journey

  • Heidstar12's avatar
    Heidstar12
    Member
    13 years ago
    Good point Keryn! Indeed, why not me? And i dont think you sound cynical ar all. It sounds like you have much thatbyoure grateful for ! When I was diagnosed all I could think was that this happens to other people. Then I realized that I am 'other people' :) as it stands, my thinking is now along the lines of "it is what it is" and I try to manage as best I can. After all, that's really all we CAN do, right?
  • helen_anne's avatar
    helen_anne
    Member
    13 years ago

    Glad you're going to try and put this lady in touch with the Cancer Council but I'm even more glad you're not feeling guilty!  It's ok to cry - especially for others - shows you're a compassionate woman :)

    cheers

    Luv H

  • Heidstar12's avatar
    Heidstar12
    Member
    13 years ago

    Thanks guys - you are so lovely to take the time to reply so thoughtfully. I'm not the "emotional type' but I havea few tears trying to make their way down my cheeks as I write! I will definitely advise this lady to reach out to Cancer Council...there's bound to be someone out there who can give her the specific support she needs.

    Oh, and good point about the guilt part...:)

  • Heidstar12's avatar
    Heidstar12
    Member
    13 years ago

    Thanks guys - you are so lovely to take the time to reply so thoughtfully. I'm not the "emotional type' but I havea few tears trying to make their way down my cheeks as I write! I will definitely advise this lady to reach out to Cancer Council...there's bound to be someone out there who can give her the specific support she needs.

    Oh, and good point about the guilt part...:)

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    13 years ago

    That poor woman- thanks for sharing your thoughts.It does put cancer in perspective.I mean there is good cancer and bad cancer.I've had early breast cancer twice but I feel extremely lucky that I didn't get secondaries.My brother in law(58))recently had brain surgery to remove a 7cm aggressive cancer.He has memory loss and needs someone with him at all times - just so sad.My cancer was like a bad head cold in comparison.However,it doesn't stop us, and nor should it,from feeling sorry for ourselves sometimes.It would still be very raw for you,having finished chemo only 2 months ago.You are so caring to reach out to this woman- I'm sure it helped her feel a little less scared. Take care of yourself.

                                      Tonya xx

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    13 years ago

    That poor woman- thanks for sharing your thoughts.It does put cancer in perspective.I mean there is good cancer and bad cancer.I've had early breast cancer twice but I feel extremely lucky that I didn't get secondaries.My brother in law(58))recently had brain surgery to remove a 7cm aggressive cancer.He has memory loss and needs someone with him at all times - just so sad.My cancer was like a bad head cold in comparison.However,it doesn't stop us, and nor should it,from feeling sorry for ourselves sometimes.It would still be very raw for you,having finished chemo only 2 months ago.You are so caring to reach out to this woman- I'm sure it helped her feel a little less scared. Take care of yourself.

                                      Tonya xx

  • helen_anne's avatar
    helen_anne
    Member
    13 years ago

    Hi Heidistar12

    Firstly congrats on finishing treatment!  I finished in May and I'm trying to get my energy back as I return to work.  Your post interested me alot so I thought I'd answer you.

    In a previous life (before BC!) I worked at Peter MacCallum Cancer Institute for 3 years and was at the coalface of treatment - I'd be responsible for booking all the patients in for their radiotherapy sessions.

    I recall that some patients with what was classified as "Head and Neck" cancers had a poor prognosis and chances of survival were alot less than those with other types of cancer.  So sadly the chances of survival you quote could be quite true.

    Also you're quite correct in saying that generally people were older, male and smokers.  Smoking is just SO bad for you!!

    But like lung cancer, you don't have to be a smoker to get this type of cancer.

    Strange as this may sound, did you know that you can get lung cancer from passive smoking - being around smokers (even in a minimal capacity) or from not being around smokers at all.  I knew of a lady who had never smoked, never been around smokers but died of secondaries of lung cancer. 

    She was my best friend's sister - I grew up with her and the day she died, ironically was the day I was diagnosed!

    Both of these situations are scary but there are some support groups out there for patients like this lady.

    I would suggest that if you see or contact this lady again - that you tell her to contact The Cancer Council (there's one in every state).  I'm sure they will support her through this terrible time and possibly put her in touch with a specific support group for her needs.

    I do hope she keeps positive and fights hard.

    Oh and while I'm on the subject it's natural for you to be conflicted.  We are lucky.  We've finished treatment - it's all behind us and we can look forward to the next phase in our life.  But along the way you meet someone whose outlook isn't the greatest.  Of course you're conflicted - you might even be like me and feel guilty if you meet others with not such a great outlook.

    I feel guilty I survived while another friend I have (who was diagnosed 2 weeks after me) with endometrical cancer, died when I was in the middle of treatment.

    Don't beat yourself up about feeling conflicted or guilty.  Just go with the flow and understand your feelings are natural.

    And I don't know about you, but I will be forever grateful to the BCNA for this network and their support and all the friends I've made along the journey.

    Take care.

    Luv H