You don't have to be strong but it can be so hard to let anyone see. Chemo is horrible but cancer is worse. And you are low - your body and mind has gone through so much already - it's a tough slog to keep going. Make sure your oncologist knows what's going on with the side effects. And remember just how far you've come. AC is nasty but you get some time in between to get back up to speed. Taxol hits you when you're already down and keeps hitting in unrelenting waves. But you're really so close to the end.
I am wondering if the hardest is not for anyone else to see but for me to see myself in this changing state. The heart business has certainly rattled my cage; it further incapacitates you. The cancer first, the chemo second, the infected port area followed, the side effects in between...I can hear my brain calling out ʻjust give us a breakʻ.
I love swimming and for this year, have had to give it up because of the port, the only things left that I have been able to do is walk, qi gong and work when I can. The heart thing is making these challenging for me.
Iʻm counting the weeks Sister and then surgery and radio. More chemo?
Thank you for your words of support x
