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Karen_T's avatar
Karen_T
Member
11 years ago

One week in.

It is surpirisng how quick and also how long a week can feel at the same time.

I think that I am holding up ok considering but then I may just be in a denial phase?

The MRI on Thursday was a mess! I got there and wasnt nervous at all but then I was told that I had been booked in 2 days short of the optimal time for the scan. I couldnt re-shecdual it as the machine is being serviced and will be out of commision for a whole month! I didnt know what to do as I had been told that timing was very very important due to the location of my lumps. Phoned to ask my breast care nurse or Doc but neither were avalible to speak.  The receptionist said the worst thing possible saying my case was URGENT.  That totally freaked me out that things were much worse than I thought - luckly my husband is very calming and said that my Doc prob squeezed me in before the machine was unavalible simply because she prefers that hospital over all the others (we had enquired about getting the MRI done closer to home originally but appartently the place she sent me to was 'the best').

Anyway. I am rambling. This blog might just be a place for me to just dribble nonsense to get it out of my brain so sorry in advance for future rambles! :)

Have worked 4 shifts and only cried at work once which I am considering a major win!

Started getting irrationally angry at constant text messages. I know that people are just thinking of me but getting messages saying How are you going today? just reminds me that things are not good and make me feel crap again while I am trying to stand strong.

I get the results of the blood test, ECG, chest xray and MRI this Monday and nervous beyond words but also telling myself 'you can do this'.

Going to read all the info brouchures this weekend and write down questions to ask.

Think I have consumed 3 large blocks of chocolate and 3 bags of chips which I need to put a stop too!  Need to try eat healthy before my body gets put through the wringer.

Oh. as for stupid and dark? humour - Now that I have a 'sad story' I am now elligable to go on a reality tv show! :-P

Has anyone else noticed that?

P.PS.  I am now the queen of bad analogies!

BC is like having an unwelcome house guest that steals stuff when they leave.

 

 

 

8 Replies

  • Bearteggie's avatar
    Bearteggie
    Member
    11 years ago

    You are at the beginning of this unwanted journey and it is the worst part of all.  Everything ahead is foreign and unknown to you.  Your head I am sure is spinning.  There is also a grieving process to this so your emotions are going to be all over the place but I promise you you will settle down once you have you have your treatment plan. 

    Waiting for results is the worst part.  I think at this stage we probably all think the worst which is probably normal considering the shock of learning we have BC. The things we fear usually never happen and I have proved this to myself hundreds of times as I am a worrier.   

    I agree with the other ladies in trying to stay as busy as possible while you wait and if you are feeling really restless go for a long walk. 

    Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

    Big hugs

    Joy xx

  • MLE59's avatar
    MLE59
    Member
    11 years ago

    I am 7 weeks into my journey. The waiting is hard - between tests, between results, and between treatments.

    It is hard fielding phone calls and msgs especially when you feel like you don't yet know whats going on or have a plan for the next phase. Could you choose a particular time(s) of day when you read msgs rather than assuming that they need an automatic response? I chose not to answer my phone or take msgs until I was ready to each day. I explained to my family and friends that they may not get answers to each and every msg or call but that I appreciated they wanted to let me know I was in their thoughts.

    Hope your weekend reading is helping you clarify your thoughts and write your questions. Informing yourself and writing down your thoughts and questions all helps to gain some choice and control back so that the diagnosis of 'breast cancer' does not take over. Well done for starting here and keep going, the ladies and shared stories here are such a great support.

    MLE59

     

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    11 years ago

    Ofcourse you can't think of babies right now but anything is possible.There is a young woman in my breast cancer support group in her early 30's and a year or so after her chemo,fell pregnant with her second baby.Mother and child doing really well a few years on now.Some women have eggs taken prior chemo just for safe measure- something to ask the doctor?I was 47 when I had my first bout of breast cancer and my girls were teenagers.I can only imagine the extra stress if I had to make "baby"decisions at the same time. My first bc was in 2003(lumpectomy,full node clearance and radiation)then it came back in the same spot in 2010(3cms) so had to have a mastectomy and chemo.Lucky me,twice on the bc ride! But each time it was caught early so I am fine- the majority of women are and go on to live long lives.You are at the scary,anxious bit but once you have a plan in place your heart will stop racing.We are here to help you through so ask any questions or just vent,rave,ramble-it all helps.Sending hugs,Tonya xx

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    11 years ago

    Robyn is correct, once you have a plan of action you will feel a bit better. The waiting is just dreadful, you find your mind is running faster with all the worst case scenarios. As hard as it is, try to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. When you get your plan try to take one day at a time, not always easy I know, but it is good advice which I have tried to follow. Sending big hugs to you, all the best, keep in touch,

    Hazel xx

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    11 years ago

    Robyn is correct, once you have a plan of action you will feel a bit better. The waiting is just dreadful, you find your mind is running faster with all the worst case scenarios. As hard as it is, try to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. When you get your plan try to take one day at a time, not always easy I know, but it is good advice which I have tried to follow. Sending big hugs to you, all the best, keep in touch,

    Hazel xx

  • Hazel_M's avatar
    Hazel_M
    Member
    11 years ago

    Robyn is correct, once you have a plan of action you will feel a bit better. The waiting is just dreadful, you find your mind is running faster with all the worst case scenarios. As hard as it is, try to keep yourself busy and your mind occupied. When you get your plan try to take one day at a time, not always easy I know, but it is good advice which I have tried to follow. Sending big hugs to you, all the best, keep in touch,

    Hazel xx

  • Karen_T's avatar
    Karen_T
    Member
    11 years ago

    Im turning 35 this year.

    Was planning on starting a family.... now not sure if that will be possible. Cant even think about that at the moment! One thing at a time!

  • Karen_T's avatar
    Karen_T
    Member
    11 years ago

    Thank you Robyn :)

    I am trying to think of questions to write down in prep for Monday but finding that there is just so many options of how it can all go that I dont know where to start!

    I do know that regardless of the news, due to the location of the lumps I will be loosing my nipple so have a few questions about that but really cant focus at the moment to be articulate.

    My husband has the day off and coming with me and we have a large notebook to write in.

    It has been great reading posts in here and slowing getting my head around the lingo and what is involved. I fully expect to feel the way you did in the waiting room! Anxious is an understantment!