Oh Lisa, I sure get that feeling. I kept my diagnosis a secret as mum was supposed to go overseas for a 2 month holiday so wanted her to be able to go and rest up so.apart from my husband nobody in my family knew. But a few people at work had to be told and an odd person here or there from the local pharmacists, some receptionists at my specialists' offices etc... And the second they heard 'Breast Cancer' they would either look at me as if I was a warmed up corpse and I would.offcourse launch into this "no big deal" act (not sure if I did it for me or for them oretending it was no biggie) and then even worse many would go on telling me how I was "taking it well", "good attitude was the key to beating cancer" or worst of all had an odd idiot tell me about a friend of their who had been diagnosed with cancer, got through chemo and is "now looking after themself, healthier than ever and getting cancer was the best thing that happened to them as now they take incredible vare od temselv". Yes at that last one I would have to walk away real fast while biting my tongue and keeping hands in my pockets - all I could.do to not jump on them and beat them into a bloody pulp.
It is hard to listen to those reactions and even harder to observe changes in the way people behave. Wirh me.it resulted in a massive denial and my pushing myself to be 'normal' way more than I should. It resulted in many a breakdown when finally alone and many a meltdown (many of them in private and a few in front of others). Lucklily ladies here also helped me through it as I guess we all go through this and I trully can thank everyone here for keeping me sane.
My mum went o'seas and on the 6th of this month had to come home early due to poor health so has been told and the rest of my family has been told. I was in hiding all this time since Chemo started in May (combination of needing to keep myself away from potential viruses and knowing loss of hair is impossible to hide) so seeing them now well into Chemo looking like a hairless cat with massive nags under my eyes has not helped. They are breaking into tears and treating me as if I am going to explode.
I know it isnbwcause they care for me and they are in shock but at the same time it is frustrating me as it is the same as when I was diagnosed initially. Dealing with weird reactions and weird looks and the old frustrations and anxiety are making a come back. It just reminds me how horrible it all felt initially and how relieved I was onxe Chemo starzed and the people wno I had told.knew and everyone had gotten ised to the 'new normal'. I guess family will het used to it too. They just need a few weeks to digest and I guess we all go back to "I am going through BC treatment" normality...
May sound really weird but the period between treatment starts and when I had to tell my family had some normality to it. Everyone including myself knew the routine and concentrazed on living inside the new paramters of Breast Cancer and Chemo.
I know it sounds weird that Chemo and breast cancer can be 'normal', even with weird side effects and restrictions posed on one's life but this initial unknown, and frustration and people.lookong at us as if we are going to implode pass. It calms down and weirdly enough it also weeds out those who really give a damn from those who do not and you get to be OK and they get to be OK.
Just hang in there. They have to deal with a massive shock. You have a massive shock and zrauma to deal with. So you make sure you take care of you so you get through this the best you can. Be honest with people about the way you feel and about what you need. It may be tough for some of them but you know best what you need then to do or not do so do not be affraid to ask that off them.
And do not forget we are here - and tbis is one safe place to come to and if need be vent when thise who love you do silly things because they worry and do not realise they are not being helpfull when they try to show they care...
Hugs
Jel.
