I went and had the mapping session for radiotherapy yesterday. Start treatment sessions next Thurs. I am just going through the motions. I am feeling nothing right now. I think I am exhausted and numb. I come on here and reply to one person and have nothing left to give. At the same time it feels like all this build up, all this stress and once the radiotherapy is done I am meant to return to normal life. Is this it? I don't really know what I should be feeling. Am I meant to be happy that this has been a small thing, surgery, no chemo, radiotherapy and hormone treatment. To look at me no one would know what I am going through. I don't look sick, just the huge lines under my eyes that I noticed this morning in the mirror. I go to appointments and then just sit and read or try and do the cooking. I'm just not really interested in things right now. I have barely picked up a brush to do any art, the thing that always meant so much to me.

Knee jerk reaction to cancer is give up this, give up that. Just put it on the back burner for now as the love will blossom again, not atm but it will. I almost gave up all my aquarium fish. I did shut down some of the more difficult to maintain tanks but now post chemo I am finding the love again. Glad I didn't give it up.

Hi Jacqui - you sound like you're still a little bit in a daze of where you are at and the road that you've been steered along. Don't be hard on yourself! I've seen your kind words to others on posts. I think we all feel that reaction sometimes that outwardly we look fine but inside it is a turmoil. If you've broken an arm there is a plaster caste to indicate there is a problem but when you're in our predicament there is no indicator for others to be aware. As we all know people say some silly things thinking they are being kind and helpful but we don't accept their comments easily. Be kind to yourself and when you're ready you will pick up something that will give you pleasure whether it be your brushes for art, the dog lead for a walk (if you've got a dog) or the knitting needles or nothing! It doesn't matter, it is when you are ready! http://lgfb.org.au/workshops/ Have you booked yourself into the Look Good Feel Better program? Brenda put up a post around her experience along with photos! I read in one of your posts that you went to Moorabbin Hospital so you must be in Melbourne. There is the Think Pink Organisation that have yoga and walking groups, I'm on their mailing list so they send an update out a couple of times a month. They are in St Kilda Road. http://www.thinkpink.org.au/foundation-events/ I hope this isn't information overload but I thought giving you some options to get out and about with others may help you to feel your normal again and garner some support as well as all of us on here. Hope that helps and please take care Christine xx

Basically breast cancer is grief reaction. We mourn the loss of our breasts, our life before cancer, our life before feeling scared and being anxious. Just like loss of a loved one tbete are different stages and I believe we just need to accept that is how you feel now and it too will pass. I lost my 2 pwg guinea pigs around the dame time as my cancer diagnosis. As much as I was sad on tbe day it was a relief to think one less thing to worry about during surgery 500km from whete I live. Itvis only now I acknowledge mussing them. Cutting up veggies make me sad...seeing the spot whete their cage was. It is 5 months since they passed and it is only now I am no longer numb and can geel this. So long winded I know...but just do what you feel like now. Work if you want..or don't. Slob around if you want and hust eatch TV...hell I bought myself a recliner. Just because you arent5 having chemo it doesn't make it any less traumatic. This is life changing...process it, let those different emotional stages happen. You will feel like doing things that give you joy again...you will know when. We are forever changed from this cancer... Take Care. Kath x

Wish we could edit response...hope you can intetpret the typos.

No-one is happy about cancer, but one can be relieved about no chemo. No-one feels chirpy about a close encounter with a life threatening illness, but can be relieved about a good prognosis. No-one is the same as they used to be, everyone - cancer or no cancer - changes as they live. Take time to let it all sink in, it's a lot. You will feel stronger. You will feel. And you may then be surprised at how strong you have actually been. Good luck

Not sure what I'm meant to be feeling

14 Replies

primek
Member
10 years ago
Wish we could edit response...hope you can intetpret the typos.
primek
Member
10 years ago
Basically breast cancer is grief reaction. We mourn the loss of our breasts, our life before cancer, our life before feeling scared and being anxious. Just like loss of a loved one tbete are different stages and I believe we just need to accept that is how you feel now and it too will pass. I lost my 2 pwg guinea pigs around the dame time as my cancer diagnosis. As much as I was sad on tbe day it was a relief to think one less thing to worry about during surgery 500km from whete I live. Itvis only now I acknowledge mussing them. Cutting up veggies make me sad...seeing the spot whete their cage was. It is 5 months since they passed and it is only now I am no longer numb and can geel this. So long winded I know...but just do what you feel like now. Work if you want..or don't. Slob around if you want and hust eatch TV...hell I bought myself a recliner. Just because you arent5 having chemo it doesn't make it any less traumatic. This is life changing...process it, let those different emotional stages happen. You will feel like doing things that give you joy again...you will know when. We are forever changed from this cancer... Take Care. Kath x
iserbrown
Member
10 years ago
Hi Jacqui - you sound like you're still a little bit in a daze of where you are at and the road that you've been steered along.

Don't be hard on yourself! I've seen your kind words to others on posts. I think we all feel that reaction sometimes that outwardly we look fine but inside it is a turmoil. If you've broken an arm there is a plaster caste to indicate there is a problem but when you're in our predicament there is no indicator for others to be aware. As we all know people say some silly things thinking they are being kind and helpful but we don't accept their comments easily.

Be kind to yourself and when you're ready you will pick up something that will give you pleasure whether it be your brushes for art, the dog lead for a walk (if you've got a dog) or the knitting needles or nothing! It doesn't matter, it is when you are ready!

http://lgfb.org.au/workshops/

Have you booked yourself into the Look Good Feel Better program?

Brenda put up a post around her experience along with photos!

I read in one of your posts that you went to Moorabbin Hospital so you must be in Melbourne. There is the Think Pink Organisation that have yoga and walking groups, I'm on their mailing list so they send an update out a couple of times a month. They are in St Kilda Road.

http://www.thinkpink.org.au/foundation-events/

I hope this isn't information overload but I thought giving you some options to get out and about with others may help you to feel your normal again and garner some support as well as all of us on here.

Hope that helps and please take care

Christine xx
Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
Knee jerk reaction to cancer is give up this, give up that. Just put it on the back burner for now as the love will blossom again, not atm but it will. I almost gave up all my aquarium fish. I did shut down some of the more difficult to maintain tanks but now post chemo I am finding the love again. Glad I didn't give it up.

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Not sure what I'm meant to be feeling

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