No words

Hey there Wndsrfn I have logged on this morning as second round threw me completely and ended back in hospital with febrile neutropenia.

I am sad to hear of your friends news; and like you and the others, thought I would be taking one for the team (family & friends). As the others have already said, you will be able to gently guide her through the maze that you have already travelled, even though your journeys will be different, I know the support you will be able to give her will be special. That knowledge of when no words but a hug are needed, the capacity to 'normalise' her feelings, with your openess and honesty, and of course sharing your great sense of humour with her, will be such a special gift that only you can give her because of your own experience.

As I was putting my arm out for the third round on Friday just gone, I was wondering how you went with yours the week previously. I really hope that it went smoothly for you this time. Did you end up loosing all your head of hair? I still have what one could call a very sparse covering. I also ended up loosing some of my eyebrows (shorter) and eye lashes (fewer). Of course my friends offered to come over and paint new eyebrows (or worse a monobrow) with permanent marker for me - thank heavens for good friends and their laughter! Like you, I am blessed with some good ones indeed.

My fingertips ended up loosing a few layers of skin and the vein from treatement number two is dark coloured on the back of my hand. Unfortunately my veins also did not want to play nicely for the IV antibiotics needed to treat the neutropenia, so I am feeling very bruised and pin cushioned! Even the nurses in the cancer treatment centre had trouble getting access for number three; it really feels like my veins know whats coming and run away and hide :) Because of the episode of febrile neutropenia, I had the added bonus of giving myself an injection of Neulasta 24 hours later - surprisingly easy and the needle thingy is very clever and retracts away so that it is safe to dispose of. The downside is the muscle and boney aches and pains that come with it. I figure though, it is now 6 weeks and 3 days into these chemotherapy cycles, which means only 1 more treatment, and 5 weeks and 4 days until this part of treatment is over. I know it sounds crazy , as I know the next part with the 10 years of hormonesis not  fun for a lot of women, but I feel as I have got this far the next part will be ok, and for me as I am 54, almost what would have been a normal part of my life.

I am a bit surprised though at the mixed feelings I am having about coming towards the end of treatment; I want to know if all this worked and yet I know there is no test that can tell me the answer, just time. I am feeling anxious about getting back into things like work, as I feel I have changed in many ways.  I was fortunate to have enough long service, sick leave and annual leave to be off for this whole time; in some ways, I do not not want this time that I have had, to be over at all. I think that as this is all coming to an end of sorts, there are clearly still some things that I need to work on...

Take care as you move through towards the end, keep wearing that pink shirt of yours :) Hoping the side effects not to bad this week for you.

Cheers MLE59