New diagnosis, surgery imminent

What a mess you and your daughter are living through, it has many parallels with our best friend who was diagnosed with rectal cancer after his father collapsed with undiagnosed bowl cancer. Drs told him (r) that his fathers type was very different to his . After chem etc and being told they got it all. There was only one cell in the 1 st of the 22 lymph nodes they removed . They went to visit the child and granddaughters in England for 5 months, came back for routine checks and the chest CT showed multiple diffuse metastases. He refuses to talk about it or see a counsellor. The public sector oncology units I have been in so far have wonderful caring staff and great counsellors. Our friends have only visited me once since I was diagnosed and had surgery. I feel like a pariah. I talk openly and freely about how I feel and my pain from withholding the Methytrexate that I normally take for my multiple types of arthritis . My psychologist suggested I try a short course on pain management that is being held here in Melbourne at the end of Nov and early December. I hope I can arrange my radiation times around the times of the course. I can't say I am looking forward to the side effects of the radiation and I don't know if the hormone therapy is going to clash with the biologics I take for me arthritis. The oncologists and rheumatologists and neurologist are all going to have to work very closely together on this. I also saw a new psychiatrist last week who wants me off my current antidepressants ( I have reactive depression to the ongoing complications I have had) . The old one ( psychiatrist) is going on 12 months maternity leave. The new one wanted me to go into the private hospital he works out of while come off one drug and start the new one . I refused. If it had been a hospital I was comfortable with I would go in but I am not prepared for unknown standards of care, the style of nursing in this new hospital and the joy of trying to educate a host of new specialists re my multiple health up issues and starting the radiation at another hospital. Too many unknowns for me at this stage. I have been burnt too many time by private Hospitals and some public hospitals. I want to stick with what I know and what works for me. I am struggling as it is, without that added stress. I am interested in the breast reconstruction they did for you. How long after the treatment regime did they do it? what was involved? Who suggested it first! You or the health care team? I hate what I see in the mirror. It looks like a area the size of an orange has been removed and the suture lines just approximated as quickly as possible. Ugh!! I am so pleased you can keep on helping your daughter regardless of how angry she is at this time. Have you read any of the writings by Dr Kublar Ross on Death and Dying. Although death is not an issue here the stages of grieving are that same whether it relates to health, social insecurity , marriage breakdown, loss of your home or a job. God bless you.