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JT82's avatar
JT82
Member
11 years ago

Nervous

I am scheduled to have my lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy tomorrow. My emotions are fluctuating between denial and extreme anxiety! It's not the surgery, more what it represents that I'm anxious about. Also, I actually work at the hospital where I'm having my procedure. (I'm a nurse). Not many people know of my breast cancer diagnoses yet...... I'm sure the news will spread like wildfire after tomorrow. I know I will be offered so much love and support from my colleagues, and I'm so grateful for that, but at the same time it's all a bit overwhelming. The more people that know, the more "real" this whole thing becomes. I was diagnosed just before Christmas, and because nothing much could happen over the holidays I think I have managed to pretend this isn't really happening. I suspect that things will move along quite quickly from now..... Anyway, thanks for listening to my rambling, it is nice to get my thoughts out of my head! Hope all you lovely ladies (and gents) are doing as well as you can xx
anxiety
emotions
lumpectomy

7 Replies

  • Layla's avatar
    Layla
    Member
    11 years ago
    Never alone in your feelings :) Glad there's no pain - assume nausea is related to the general. You may not need chemo and, if you do, we are so lucky the anti-nausea drugs have come so far! Xxx
  • JT82's avatar
    JT82
    Member
    11 years ago
    Thanks Robyn, I think you are right - I will probably feel a bit better when I have a "plan". All of this waiting and wondering is driving me a bit loopy!
  • JT82's avatar
    JT82
    Member
    11 years ago
    Good luck for next week Jo, I hope your chemo goes well x
  • JT82's avatar
    JT82
    Member
    11 years ago
    I tried to post earlier......I don't know where it's gone. The internet ate my blog :) Thanks all for your words of support, it means so much to know I'm not alone in my feelings. My surgery was done as planned, and I went home the following morning. Pain is not an issue at all, my only complaint was feeling nauseous post op. I didn't actually throw up though. I'm such a massive sook in regards to nausea, I don't know how on earth i will cope with chemo :( I have follow up with my surgeon tomorrow, so am keeping my fingers crossed for clear margins and nodes..... I guess I will have a plan after tomorrow!
  • Layla's avatar
    Layla
    Member
    11 years ago

    Thinking about you JT82. Hope the op went well and you are home recovering. 

    For me it was the fear of not knowing what I'd wake up and then the week of waiting to see my surgeon for the sentinal node biospy results. Agree with Robyn that once you have your results you can at least get cracking with a treatment plan which made me feel like I was getting back in control. 

    I cried. A LOT. Particularly in the first 3 weeks after diagnosis. Mostly from being scared - scared of how bad the cancer was (I had convinced myself I was worst case scenario), what the cancer and the treatment would do to my body and what it would do to my mind. I'm 11 weeks from my last chemo. You'll be amazed at what you can get through. As cliche as it is, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Surround yourself with people that will listen and support you.

    Decide how much / if you want to talk about it with your colleagues. There's nothing wrong with saying that you're not comfortable talking about it. I'm an open book so decided straight away that I would tell my team what was going on. They have bene the best support ever. It also meant I never felt awkward - because they knew what was going on I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. I worked the whole way through chemo and that was a great distraction for me.     

    Thinking about you. 

  • jo_d's avatar
    jo_d
    Member
    11 years ago

    I had my lumpectomy + sentinel node biopsy at the end of November. I think my emotions were very similar to yours. It just didn't feel like I was sick. The moment it all became a bit more real for me was when they had done the injection for the biopsy & I was having the scans. Lying there with this huge medical machine doing it's thing around me was a bit more confronting than I was expecting...

    Also for me, I wasn't keen on the news getting out into our small town immediately. My son had an important audition to attend & I really wanted him to concentrate on that at the time....so again, I could deny it a bit longer! The word is certainly out now...being a local hairdresser, it didn't take long at all!...and it is helping me by talking about it & explaining to everyone what's going on, but yes, it does get overwhelming at times.

    I am still waiting to start chemo next week and although it seems as though I've ALMOST forgotten I actually have breast cancer, & for now I can be in my little bubble of denial, I'm sure the anxiety will kick in again soon.

    I hope all goes well for your surgery & continuing treatment.

    Jo x

     

  • jo_d's avatar
    jo_d
    Member
    11 years ago

    I had my lumpectomy + sentinel node biopsy at the end of November. I think my emotions were very similar to yours. It just didn't feel like I was sick. The moment it all became a bit more real for me was when they had done the injection for the biopsy & I was having the scans. Lying there with this huge medical machine doing it's thing around me was a bit more confronting than I was expecting...

    Also for me, I wasn't keen on the news getting out into our small town immediately. My son had an important audition to attend & I really wanted him to concentrate on that at the time....so again, I could deny it a bit longer! The word is certainly out now...being a local hairdresser, it didn't take long at all!...and it is helping me by talking about it & explaining to everyone what's going on, but yes, it does get overwhelming at times.

    I am still waiting to start chemo next week and although it seems as though I've ALMOST forgotten I actually have breast cancer, & for now I can be in my little bubble of denial, I'm sure the anxiety will kick in again soon.

    I hope all goes well for your surgery & continuing treatment.

    Jo x