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rowdy's avatar
rowdy
Member
11 years ago

my head

Today I went to counselling as I feel my head is working overtime. I have been very lucky with support but there are some things I cant tell my family and friends.

I have had all my surgery and have new boobs for christmas, but I stuggle to look at my body. I have scars under both my boobs and on my tummy from the reconstuction. I know it is early days but I keep worrying about what will happen next. Iam still having herceptin treatment until the middle of next year and I have my first mamagram in late febuary.

I now am angry and struggle with the year that has past. I do tell myself to take every day as new but some days are harder than others. My homework from the counsellor is to write a journal about how I feel and feelings of the terroer of cancer coming back.

4 Replies

  • rowdy's avatar
    rowdy
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi I'm sure time will help, how nice for you to have a cake made for you. It is nice when people do such small things, but mean a lot. Merry christmsx

  • saphire's avatar
    saphire
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Rowdy just reading your latest blog and even though everyone goes through this ordeal  it feels different for everyone and emotions are different we are all on this long journey.

    I am now just keeping positive that I willl be ok and that is all we can do and try and have that great support we need.

    When people are negative around me I just say it could have been much worse I might not be here and that would be worse for my family and they then seem to understand hopefully.

    Not everything has gone well for me but my church as given me so much support it has been wonderful .

    My daughter even arranged for her and the little community church to have a cake specially made for me for finishing my treatment how wonderful was that.

  • rowdy's avatar
    rowdy
    Member
    11 years ago

    Hi Nicole I already had been with this counseller before so I already have a rapport with her. I just needed to talk to someone about the things I cant talk to my family about, how scared Iam about the future and my poor husband who has been wonderful, but he has been retrenched from work earlier this year and is struggling as well. My husband dosen't want to hear me being negative and sometimes that is hard.

    Everyone just wants you to be strong and you know what I'm not always strong,sometimes I want to sit in the corner and cry and not have to explain why.

    my vent finished thanksx

  • nicole_h's avatar
    nicole_h
    Member
    11 years ago
    Hi Rowdy, Did you feel like the counsellor helped. I'd be afraid to keep a journal like that as it's too easily read by the wrong person. I saw a counsellor once. Didn't help at all. Didn't take the time to get to know me or my family before she divulged private information and just inflamed the situation. I'm trying a different one at present. I know already that she can't help. She just stands there glaring waiting for me to make the conversation. She just rings at a designated time and wants me to talk. How can you talk on the phone when you're crying. Just doesn't work. She hasn't even offered any strategies for dealing with my emotions. Maybe nothing and no one can help emotionally you've just got to push through it on your own. I just don't think there's a counsellor out there that has a clue. My husband has been great driving me every where and coming to appointments with me but that's all he can cope with. Very lacking in emotional support. Kids are quite the same. If there's a qualified counsellor out there that has been through this ordeal then maybe that person could actually help. meanwhile vent away like I just did making it all about me. Thinking of you Nicole x ?