Morning all

Hi Nicole I managed to work part time through chemo (just!). The first 2 cycles were dreadful and I was hospitalised and couldn't work. They changed one of my chemo' sand that helped but it was still a struggle. Part of it was because financially we couldn't afford for me not to work at all, part of it was I needed some normality in this whole mess and part of it was pure stubbornness on my behalf. Sometimes I think stupidity as well! Fortunately my bosses have been fully supportive and I come and go as I please which helps as there is no pressure to be there. I have just hit week 4 of radiotherapy and the fatigue has really kicked in so I'm taking a couple of extra days at home. I struggled with anxiety throughout chemo as it was different every time I had it. Due to the changes in the drugs they give you, I never really knew what to expect (which for a control freak like me, was very hard to deal with). Just tell the doctors everything! You'll be amazed at the things they can do to help alleviate the side effects. Even things you don't think are side effects, tell them. I struggled at first with the hair loss. I didn't want to wear scarves, my wig annoys me (I only wear it to work) and I didn't want to look like a cancer patient. Well guess what? I am a cancer patient whether I want to be or not and I do look like one! I have ended up just going "nude nut". Part of it is acceptance of the cancer for me, part of it is defiance, almost willing people to say something to me and part of it is I just don't have the energy to worry with anything else. People do stare and some have actually said something (always positive and nice) but I think people do that anyway, regardless of what you have on your head. I have been bald now for probably the last 5 months. My hair is starting to grow back now and probably looks silly but I just don't care anymore. As with a lot of things to do with bc, it is what it is! You will work out what works for you as you go along. It won't be the same as everyone else. Just know that we all have similar experiences but OUR stories are our own. This site is fabulous. No one will judge you and there will always be someone who has had an experience similar to yours. Hang in there. You will get through the chemo, as awful as it is. You will feel like socialising at some point but it's ok if you don't feel like it now. Just be kind to yourself and allow the feelings you feel. Good luck with it all. Karen xox