Mastectomy and Chemotherapy

Hi Jayne,

My friends have all disappeared too.  I have advanced breast cancer and it will be 6 years since I was diagnosed on Nat. Breast Cancer Day.  I had a couple of friends who vowed to stick with me and be there to help, but they always ended up being unavailable.  This was even just picking up my kids who are at the same school.  My brother and sisters don't contact me unless it is absolutely necessary.  My brother won't even say the word cancer, he just tells everyone I have a "thing".  This from a man who is 61 years old. 

I have always gone out of my way to help people out and not because I expected anything in return, I just like to help, in fact I have offered to do stuff for some of these people even while juggling appointments and tests, etc and they were more than happy to take up the offer, but they can't spare any time to help me out.  It is really upsetting and I am trying to toughen up, but it is still difficult.  I wanted people to be there for my hubby and kids so that things felt a bit more normal for them but people just can't do it.  Luckily my hubby has a good support system with his work and in fact they have been the closest thing to good friends for me too.  They don't seem scared of me.  This site has also been wonderful.  Everyone understands what we are all going through.

It is hard to do it on your own and I like you hate having to dump on my husband all the time.  Two of my daughters are seeing counsellors now as new stuff showed up before xmas last year and they were having a bit of trouble with it all, but I still wish that they could speak to someone more familiar with them and who they are comfortable talking too.

At the start I told some friends who i considered to be good friends.  They asked me to join them for coffee so that they could figure out how to help.  I was really pleased to feel like I was getting some support, but these "friends took it upon themselves to sever ties with me and spread the word about cancer women amongst all of the school where my kids went.  My kids had some horrible things said to them by other kids and other parents that they didn't know.  One of them even told my boss that I would be leaving work and could she have my job.  

I know there are nice people out there and if they can support you it is great, but unfortunately, I don't really know any.

Sorry , I didn't mean to take over your post about the "friends" but I haven't heard many people say they were abandoned too.  I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

Good luck with your chemo and other treatments.  I hope you start to feel better soon and hope the side effects are manageable for you.

Take care.

Tracey xx