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Jayne's avatar
Jayne
Member
14 years ago

Mastectomy and Chemotherapy

I had my mastectomy on June 1 2011. I had to wait six weeks from being told I would need to have my breast removed to the operation.  It felt like an eternity but it was probably a good amount of time to get my head around the loss of my breast and to grieve for it.

I went through every stage of the grieving process.  I even had a ‘bye bye booby party’, I know it sounds quite weird but it was the best way I knew how to say goodbye to a part of me that had nurtured my three children and had been such a big part of my life.

We had plates of titillating food; I said thanks for the mammeries; and people had to come up with an unusual use of my new breast prosthesis.  There were some downright hilarious ones, such as 1st place when the kids in the back seat of the car get tired, I can just pop out the prosthesis and they can use it as a pillow.  2nd place was don’t use a prosthesis and use the bra space as a convenient small handbag for storing keys, phone etc.  3rd place involved cutting the prosthesis up if you run out of chicken fillets when preparing meals.

The actual mastectomy went well, but I lost a lot of blood and required three blood transfusions and stayed in hospital for a week.  I had to have excess fluid drained twice a week for two months.  Thankfully the area they used to put the needle in had no sensation as the needle was huge.  I even found a release for the stress of excess fluid; the doctor, my hubby and I would take bets as to how much would be drained.  I never won but the doctor was good and I often took cakes in to pay my dues.

I went away on holiday before I started chemo.  This was a good break between the mastectomy and the chemo, I had a great holiday with my cousin and we made a pact that we wouldn’t mention the ‘C’ word.

Chemotherapy, a word I never thought I would ever need to utter again after my dad had to endure it, was not something I was looking forward to.  As everything happens I experienced chest pain during my first treatment of FEC100 chemotherapy and ended up in hospital for the night.  Great! The next day I had a stress test and found out that it was the chemo drugs that had probably caused the chest pain.

I have endured four treatment cycles of chemotherapy so far, with two remaining.  After the third cycle I caught the flu, not just a cold but the real influenza which meant that chemo had to be pushed back a week as I was still unwell.

This treatment, the fourth, has been the roughest so far.  I have experienced nausea, lack of taste sensation and my body just aches all over.

I have a great family support system, my hubby is fantastic but all of our friends have stayed away in droves as if they will catch it or something.  I feel sorry for my hubby as he has no-one to offload his worries and thoughts other than to me and vice versa.  The children’s’ school has been wonderful with school mums’ delivering meals and bringing home children when the weather has been inclement.

Does anyone else had friends that have turned the back on you when you need support?  I just can’t understand why they wouldn’t even call to see how we are going?  It is frustrating and hurtful to say the least.

5 Replies

  • There is one little thing that keeps popping up on this website - how suddenly friends and some family just seem to disappear!  I have experienced it and so have many of the other women on this site - and some of the stories will make you laugh (much better than crying!) I had one 'good churchie lady' tell me "We will pray for you Josie, and by the way can you pray for my cat - it has cancer too" I have to say that dropped my jaw somewhat!  Another said to me "Now Josie, don't let this take over your life....."   I related that little gem to my husband and he said in no uncertain terms "How the bloody hell can it not take over your life, all the medical appointents and treatment etc, it IS your life!"  Even a friend who's daughter went though breast cancer rarely rings me any more - you'd think she'd understand - oh, she emailed me the other day - they (her daughter and her) are off to Holalulu for a couple of weeks.  Half their luck!  I do have one precious elderly Aunty - she is a younger siseter to my late Mother, and she rings me nearly every week - she's such a star!  When I go for my Herceptin treatment sometimes the nurses give me a bouquet of flowers (donated to the hospital) to take home...........last time they gave them to me, I got my cousin to deliver them to my Aunt - you really do find out who your friends are and reward the ones that stick by you x x x Good luck with it all Jayne - we are here for you x x x 

  • Hi Jayne,

    My friends have all disappeared too.  I have advanced breast cancer and it will be 6 years since I was diagnosed on Nat. Breast Cancer Day.  I had a couple of friends who vowed to stick with me and be there to help, but they always ended up being unavailable.  This was even just picking up my kids who are at the same school.  My brother and sisters don't contact me unless it is absolutely necessary.  My brother won't even say the word cancer, he just tells everyone I have a "thing".  This from a man who is 61 years old. 

    I have always gone out of my way to help people out and not because I expected anything in return, I just like to help, in fact I have offered to do stuff for some of these people even while juggling appointments and tests, etc and they were more than happy to take up the offer, but they can't spare any time to help me out.  It is really upsetting and I am trying to toughen up, but it is still difficult.  I wanted people to be there for my hubby and kids so that things felt a bit more normal for them but people just can't do it.  Luckily my hubby has a good support system with his work and in fact they have been the closest thing to good friends for me too.  They don't seem scared of me.  This site has also been wonderful.  Everyone understands what we are all going through.

    It is hard to do it on your own and I like you hate having to dump on my husband all the time.  Two of my daughters are seeing counsellors now as new stuff showed up before xmas last year and they were having a bit of trouble with it all, but I still wish that they could speak to someone more familiar with them and who they are comfortable talking too.

    At the start I told some friends who i considered to be good friends.  They asked me to join them for coffee so that they could figure out how to help.  I was really pleased to feel like I was getting some support, but these "friends took it upon themselves to sever ties with me and spread the word about cancer women amongst all of the school where my kids went.  My kids had some horrible things said to them by other kids and other parents that they didn't know.  One of them even told my boss that I would be leaving work and could she have my job.  

    I know there are nice people out there and if they can support you it is great, but unfortunately, I don't really know any.

    Sorry , I didn't mean to take over your post about the "friends" but I haven't heard many people say they were abandoned too.  I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

    Good luck with your chemo and other treatments.  I hope you start to feel better soon and hope the side effects are manageable for you.

    Take care.

    Tracey xx

  • Oh Jane forgot mention that I have had bilateral mastectomies Chemo/tac/radio/arimidex Now 2yrs ago So far ok Things will get better It is just a day at a time Gab
  • Hi Jane, I had some friends who I knew they knew about me but did not ring or anything even though they had been to my house for dinner and significant parties 50th birthday etc and they were "good catholic women". Also another of my friends felt she had permission to tell everyone even before I had told my parents. People need to realize that this your story and not for everyone to gossip about! On tner hand other people were amazing with their support. It has been life changing. It allows you the ability to say and do or not do things that in the past you might have felt obliged to do Good luck with the Chemo Thinking of you.gab
  • Hi Jayne

    Friends and family members disappearing off the face of the earth when I got my diagnosis happened to me too.  No calls, no cards.  Just left me and hubby to it and didn't turn up again until my treatment finished.  I cried buckets and still do.  But intellectually, I know why they did it.  To use a phrase I love from another post - it scared them out of their tree - and they probably were thankful it was me instead of them with the cancer.  That's human nature, I guess. It has nothing to do with us, it was the cancer they were running away from.

    And those that weren't scared of the cancer but just weren't as good friends/relatives as I thought, so be it - and good bye.

    I hope that your diagnosis of breast cancer has solidified friendships and relationships with those that did stick around for you and that you found good new friendships with others.  I did and now treasure those people.

    Helen.