Hey everyone, this is my first time blogging here. I've been single (widowed) for quite some years and had a single mastectomy two years ago. Because I was in the public system I could only get reconstruction of the removed breast; so now I have one reconstructed breast and one original breast! I recently met a man who I thought was very caring until I told him of my BC and subsequent results. He now does not want to see me any more. I have taken this as a personal rejection because of my body. It does not bother me that my body is not perfect. I'm alive and here to tell the story, but he has rocked my confidence. I thought it only matters what we're like inside, but apparently not so. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, how did you deal with it?

I'm sorry you have had a confidence killer, but it is HIS problem not yours. Maybe one day he will find that something about his body puts a lady off, and then he'll know.Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. I feel so sad when I read posts about partners who are less than supportive - I am so lucky. I just keep thinking that they will reap what they've sown. You put your chin up and hold your head high. You are still the same person you were before and if you project confidence and contentment with your own self it will shine through. And then you have a chance of meeting someone who sees what's important. Goodluck on your journey. magicmum

Hi Shezz I too agree with all of the ladies above and would also like to mention magicmum's comment regarding something about his body that puts a lady off. He certainly has something already it's his personality or lack there of. Count your lucky stars he has run like the coward he is. Try not to think of it as him not wanting you, rather would you want him????? In all honesty if every woman in the world new of his actions I believe he would struggle to ever get another date. You have already been through so much with breast cancer and being widowed so have proved yourself to be an incredibly strong, brave and courageous woman who plenty of real men would be honoured to hold your hand throughout life. Good luck and try not to let insensitive souless beings knock your confidence. Love and strength to you Lara xx

Hi I am so sorry to hear of your story . From what you have said though you told him about your cancer - so perhaps it wasnt to do with your body but more to do with what you have been through. Cancer can be a very scary word to many and so maybe it was that that he was running from and not your body!!!! Really this response says more about him than you !!! Please don't lose heart or think that there wont be someone who will value you for who you are and not what you look like. Sadly there are those who care more about the outward appearence - be it small boobs, big boobs or no boobs etc !!!!!! There are also those who have had various experiences with cancer or a fear of it and it may just seem too much to cope with . But that is not someone you want to share this road with. Hang in there - dont give up - and there are men out there who are genuinely caring and wont care about the outside !!! Thhere are many ladies here who talk about having them in their lives. Keep going - you are worth it. Take care Debsxx

Lost confidence | BCNA Online Network

11 Replies

Shezz8
Member
13 years ago
Hi all you lovely girls who have sent me a message. I'm so grateful to have received your support and wonderful words. It's true what you've all said - that our bodies don't define us, but I've allowed someone to suggest otherwise to me. Now I have to try to hold my head high and love my body for what it is. Thanks again to everyone :-)
Kez51
Member
14 years ago
Hi Shezz. You have been through enough without this man putting his insecurities onto you. I think you will find what the others have said is correct. It was not really about your body but the cancer. He isn't worth it. I know that is still hard for you, but try not to let him affect your confidence and get you down. Life is beautiful .....so keep living it. Don't let this man win. Hopefully you have good friends around you who will keep you positive. I know without mine I would of struggled. I'm only out of hospital yesterday after a double mastectomy/ reconstruction. I lost my partner a few years ago and doing this on your own is tough but we are strong woman and I think BC makes us realise there is so much more to life and how important it is to be alive and enjoy each day . So I wish you every happiness
Kez51
Member
14 years ago
Hi Shezz. You have been through enough without this man putting his insecurities onto you. I think you will find what the others have said is correct. It was not really about your body but the cancer. He isn't worth it. I know that is still hard for you, but try not to let him affect your confidence and get you down. Life is beautiful .....so keep living it. Don't let this man win. Hopefully you have good friends around you who will keep you positive. I know without mine I would of struggled. I'm only out of hospital yesterday after a double mastectomy/ reconstruction. I lost my partner a few years ago and doing this on your own is tough but we are strong woman and I think BC makes us realise there is so much more to life and how important it is to be alive and enjoy each day . So I wish you every happiness
Mich_x
Member
14 years ago
Beautifully put Debs. When I reread Shezz post I got that it was more the cancer than possibly her body as well. Everything you said makes so much sense. :-)

Michxo
JJoy
Member
14 years ago
Hi, You are a gem and don't forget it......some people are not worth crossing the road for, he is one of them.

You have already been through so much, don't let this pratt upset you - he did you a favour, you don't need awful people like him in your precious life. I was stunned when I read your blog, I haven't been on for a while so it was a real eye-opener. We women on this site all have our stories of love and support, and also of non-support, that is why we come to this site.......so you need some of us to remind you just how valuable you are, and you are worth so much more - darling keep your chin up, I know how you feel I have been through the public system and I have one lemon and one mango! Lucky I have a man who looks past this. God willing you will realise that looks are skin deep - like I said, you are a gem! and we all know you are!
JJoy
Member
14 years ago
Hi, You are a gem and don't forget it......some people are not worth crossing the road for, he is one of them.

You have already been through so much, don't let this pratt upset you - he did you a favour, you don't need awful people like him in your precious life. I was stunned when I read your blog, I haven't been on for a while so it was a real eye-opener. We women on this site all have our stories of love and support, and also of non-support, that is why we come to this site.......so you need some of us to remind you just how valuable you are, and you are worth so much more - darling keep your chin up, I know how you feel I have been through the public system and I have one lemon and one mango! Lucky I have a man who looks past this. God willing you will realise that looks are skin deep - like I said, you are a gem! and we all know you are!