Thanks @Afraser. In my past life I was paid to be the devil's advocate; I'm the risk assessment queen and tend to actually look at the dark side. From a business prospective that's useful but it makes for grim viewing in my personal life.
After nearly a decade of advocacy I have a number of people I can talk to, I suppose the attraction here is the relative anonymity. Many of my friends and colleagues have died in the last couple of years which has made me fatalistic.
There is not much to done until I see what is left of my functionality after my treatment is finished. For now. Thank you for your support, I also appreciate your candor. Marg