Letting off steam

Hi Karen,

please dont think I was saying you are being unreasonable.  You have EVERY right to feel the way you do, that is part of the grieving process (my opinion only).  When we are first diagnosed, we are given information overload, told things that we can hardly digest at the time, then have surgery, then treatment (or the other way around in some cases) - we just dont seem to get time to understand what is happening to us.  We can be in a room full of people and still feel TOTALLY ALONE.  My personal experience is that no one really understands what we are going through, unless they have 'been there' themselves.  The councillor is a great idea for you and I'm sure he/she will help you through your grieving process. 

Its unfortunate that your hubby got sick so soon after your diagnosis, but you will get through all of this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You have a lot of wonderful people on this site, that will 'be there' for you whenever you need them.

Take care and I hope with all my heart that your 'journey' becomes a little easier for you as time passes.

Di  :)

Karen, I know how you're feeling, and have had a few counselling sessions through cancer council which have really  helped me. I think the most important thing for me to hear was that it was OK to feel the way I did, pretty common actually, and definitely not unreasonable.  This journey is not easy for any of us, and you are not alone in going through it. And you will get through it, just one day at a time. So go to the counsellor, talk, cry, let it all out, you are doing the right thing, take care,

Kath x

This is the perfect place to let off some of that steam that has been building up inside of you. It's tough enough to deal with bc, but to have to deal with a loved ones illness at the same time is very traumatic. It's perfectly natural to feel the way that you're feeling. The councilling sounds like just what you need at the moment. It's great that you realise where you are at & that you need help. Like the others have said, don't try to do it all on your own. Take all the help you can get from friends & family. Stay strong, you'll get through this dark patch.

Wendy

 

 

Hi Karen, I feel for you having such a difficult time at the moment.... your rock (husband) is unavailable, and that can definitely bring added pressures to an already difficult situation. I found the BC experience incredibly traumatic, and I also found it impossible  to always be there for my loved ones 24/7 when they were unwell or not coping. While they were certainly in my thoughts of course, I found I had to let go at times, and allow friends, relatives and others to help out.  I do not think you sound unreasonable...a cancer diagnosis and the associated treatment is probably one of the worst things a person can face in a life time, and it takes every bit of energy, determination, courageand faith  that you can muster to get through it. Yes, this also affects our loved ones. They grieve, cry and worry just as we do....I'm not denying that....but I found there were simply times when I had nothing else to give. I did struggle with feelings of guilt around this, but eventually I decided to give myself permission to feel this way, to call on others for help, and not push myself beyond my limits. Hang in there Karen, the darkness will subside and you will get through this bumpy patch! Celeste x

 

Hi Karen, I feel for you having such a difficult time at the moment.... your rock (husband) is unavailable, and that can definitely bring added pressures to an already difficult situation. I found the BC experience incredibly traumatic, and I also found it impossible  to always be there for my loved ones 24/7 when they were unwell or not coping. While they were certainly in my thoughts of course, I found I had to let go at times, and allow friends, relatives and others to help out.  I do not think you sound unreasonable...a cancer diagnosis and the associated treatment is probably one of the worst things a person can face in a life time, and it takes every bit of energy, determination, courageand faith  that you can muster to get through it. Yes, this also affects our loved ones. They grieve, cry and worry just as we do....I'm not denying that....but I found there were simply times when I had nothing else to give. I did struggle with feelings of guilt around this, but eventually I decided to give myself permission to feel this way, to call on others for help, and not push myself beyond my limits. Hang in there Karen, the darkness will subside and you will get through this bumpy patch! Celeste x

 

Hi Karen,

What rotten timing that your husband should crumble just when you need a rock! Going through surgery and chemo,I completely relied on my retired husband to look after me.I guess if you both go down at the same time then you need to muster up some help from friends and relatives.If you get offers then take them - you are at a vulnerable stage.I guess your hubby feels bad but it's not his fault.I hope the little light flickers at the end of your dark tunnel soon.

                                           Tonya

Karen,

I feel sorry for you with what you are going through.  Cancer diagnosis and the following treatment can be extremely difficult to  cope with - but........cope with it, we do!!  Our only other alternative 'is to give in' to this horrendous disease, and none of us are about to do that!

YOU will get help from the councillor - these people know the right things to say and how to help YOU get on with YOUR grieving for what is happening to YOU.  But .... (and I may be howled down by others for saying this) sometimes it's not ALL about the cancer patient.  Our carers and family are also put under an awful lot of stress, coping with OUR treatment and not knowing what the future holds for them!!!  Your husband may well be thinking 'How dare I get sick when my wife needs me!'  By the sound of it, he is having a pretty rough time of it, and he will probably need all the support you can give him, so that he can then get well enough to help care for you.

Please dont think I am being harsh with you, as that is not my intention.  I have been a carer for both my parents, who died from cancer - (my mother only 2 years ago), which was just 2 months before MY advanced breast cancer diagnosis.  Unfortunately, I have travelled this journey from both sides.

I see what my diagnosis/prognosis is doing to MY family, ie: partner, children, g/children, and I hate it.  They are hurting just as much as I am.  But WE do learn that even though we (the patient) may not be feeling 100% emotionally or physically, we MUST also be there for our loved ones when they are unwell or not coping.

Please listen to the councillor and the other people on this forum, this is where you can rant, rave and vent your concerns as we are all going through the same thing.  Some times the medico's cant give us the time and patience that we expect from them, but this forum will be everything you want it to be.

Take care, I hope things improve for you - just remember - YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS JOURNEY.

ps:  and dont be too hard on yourself, a lot of what you are feeling could be treatment related.  Make sure you discuss your concerns with your onco.

Di  (big hugs)