Insomnia

Hi Marlee,

 I have found this round of chemo a bit harsher than the first but that's okay and I find I tend to have a cry at night when I am alone sometimes it doesn't help but at least I am letting it out which is the main thing yes I have had some tough times in my life but I feel it has made me stronger sometimes but I feel with bc being strong really sometimes is hard, my friends have to deal with their own feelings there is nothing I can do to help them I have enough to deal with I am looking forward to seeing my cousin in a few weeks she's flying to Darwin from Sydney to give me something to look forward to so whenever I'm down I think of her we are very close and we have not seen each other since 2007 when we moved to Darwin and she hasn't seen Angelena since she was 1 so I have lots to look forward too. I slept the whole night last night as I took 1/2 a pain killer for the bone pain and I didn't wake up until 6.00am what a blessing, I might sign off for now as I am feeling a little tired I hope to chat soon sending you a cuddle and a smile Anita xxx??????????

Hi Rowdy, 

I have taken a liking to scarves now as I live in Darwin it's very hot so I got some nice scarves given to me by the Alan Walker Cancer Center and they are all pretty colours which makes you feel brighter, I guess when people can actually see you they just don't know how to react but I have found most people have been great but friends sure can let you down when it comes to the crunch of when it gets tough but that's their problem I am stronger than they will ever be, just like you said look at them and smile and yes I am lucky to have such an amazing daughter and wonderful supportive husband, they always make me smile but they can't be with me 24hours a day that's why this network is so amazing if ever you need to talk to someone there's someone on here always to make you happy because we are all in the same boat together. Thanks for your support I really appreciate it more than you'll ever know, sending you a hug back Anita ??????

Hi Anita,

vent away - this bc really sucks in so many ways and I feel your pain. I too have just had number two cycle and feeling low, I had my hair shaved as well and the spiky hair is now coming out.

you don't have to stay strong for everyone, crying is ok. I am not a crier at all but have been doing quite a bit, funny the shower seems to be a good crying space for me. 

I too have had a close friend who has become very distant in last two weeks, it hurt a lot. I asked her if she was ok and she started crying and said she didn't know what to do and didn't want to be weak when I needed strong. We both hugged and I said I don't need you to be anything just my friend. I don't know whether she will be there but I feel I cleared the air a bit. Others including unexpected peop,e have been awesome so I take comfort from this.

good on you for getting out and about I really believe that changes your outlook. It sounds like you have had many hardships already in life and you are strong. Your daughter sounds so beautiful and she has become that little girl because of you, her mum.

I too have insomnia - have always had it but it's worse now. I take phenergan at night, last night I woke at 3am and took some, it sent me back to sleep. It also has the added benefit of helping with nausea.

Hang in there ??

Hi Anita BC does suck and some people just don't know what to say. I think sometimes they are just scared of the unknown and probably thinking I'm glad it isn't me. When I had no hair I wore scarves more than my wig and I would go out and people would stare I just looked them straight in the eye and smiled, some couldn't look back at me but most smiled. So glad your daughter is so proud of you, children can be priceless. Hang in there time is moving on take care sending you a hugxx

Hi Trace, 

I always look forward to talking to you as you always know just the right thing to say to pick me up I can do this and if anyone has a problem or can't deal with my having bc that's their problem not mine, I am not going to let them bring me down I am stronger than that, my daughter said the cutest thing before she went to school today she told me I don't have to cover my head she's not scared she's proud of me and to her I am her pretty mum that made me feel really loved she's a good girl very loving and my husband still thinks I look beautiful but he wishes he could take it all away but always tells me how lucky I am. I am not going to let people's attitudes get to me anymore if they can't deal with me with bc then they need to get over it not me, you're an inspiration to me Trace thanks sending an enormous cuddle and a big smile Anita xx????????????

Just remember that nobody can make you feel bad unless you give them permission to. My approach to people that act differently due to your diagnosis is that it is their issue, not yours. You can't do anything about how people act around you, but what you can do is how you respond to their behaviour. Hold your head up high, as you have done nothing wrong, and you need to use your energy on those who are positive around you, your husband and your family. Show them how much you rock, and remember that you are amazing! Sending you a mega cuddle ????????

Hi Trace,

Thank you for the amazing advice I don't know what I would do without everyone on here, the advice is invaluable I'm feeling so low today because the friend that let me down was my friend who was with me when Priya shaved my head and that hurts because she's always been there but now she's coming up with lame excuses so I suppose I just have to accept it my Grandma went through the same thing she had heaps of friends but once she got bladder cancer it all changed they dropped off like flies one excuse after another but she accepted it and kept right on going she refused treatment it was in the eighties and she lived on for 4 and 1/2 years when the doctors told us she had 2 weeks but she was a very strong willed woman and she would be proud of me getting through this without my mum or my siblings but my family is very racist as my husband is from Sri Lanka she said as long as you are with him I don't exist in your life and my brother and sister feel the same but my Grandma wasn't like that and she's my mum's mother unfortunately life throws you horrible curve balls but you have no choice but to overcome them, my hair will grow back I know but that's a hard thing to deal with I never thought it would affect me like this my breast care nurse has arranged an appointment for me on the 30/9 about my lymphoidema with an OT she is fantastic and so supportive, I am starting to feel tired now I think I will sign off now sending you a big cuddle and a smile Anita xx??????????

Hi Anita, bc can bring out the best and the worst in people, and even though it hurts, you now know the true extent of your relationships, and that is a good thing. I can understand your husband being angry. Have a talk with your breast care nurse, as you'll have to be very proactive with managing your lymphoedema. I'm currently seeing a special physiotherapist to help me manage the fluid in my right arm, along with the cording in my armpit. If you can manage that fluid and maintain movement in your arm it'll be better for you. Really feeling for you with your hair loss. My chemo finished on 21st July, and I'm just starting to get some fluffy buts growing on my head, so it will grow back Honey. Sending you a big cuddle, Trace ??????