I'd like to wake up now...

Oh boy...that wasn't much fun at all! After both chemo sessions I spent the first 4-5 days feeling very queasy indeed and in bed...just when the nausea was subsiding, my immune system stopped working efficiently - first a flu with accompanying fever after session 1, then a nasty headcold after session 2. But...at least by week 3 after session1 I felt good. I actually felt good...good enough to shave my already deciduous hair off in preparation for chemo session 2.

In the front of my mind I'm thinking "just focus on getting better, your health is most important"...in the back of my mind there's a niggling reminder that life WILL return to some normality and that I will need to look for another job (I was advised that my job is redundant just after my diagnosis), make some decisions about what i want my life to look like, pay the bills, continue with stage 2 of reconstruction and possibly decide on a 2nd mastectomy etc. It's exhausting!

I don't know about any of you but i feel that i DO want breast cancer to change my life, for the better of course...yet I suspect that old habits die hard and that the breast cancer itself won't automatically change my life. I have a key role to play in any transformation...thus I feel a sense of pressure and urgency (self-imposed of course) which detracts from the time and energy I need to heal myself.

Thanks for listening :)