I'd like to wake up now...

Liz - you've hit the nail on my head (the one about not wanting to 'fail').  With so many people telling me how positive and strong I am, I started feeling there was something wrong with me when my thoughts and feelings ddin't match their expectations! And of course the fear...the fear that rarely even articulates itself but sits in the pit of my stomache and in my skin.

I was even thinking about a second mastectomy on my healthy breast, just so I could have 2 perky breasts. But my surgeon suggested I wait and see how I feel first and not to rush into a decision that I might later regret. She's right of course and your attitude towards it helps me put things in perspective too ;) There is no 'perfect' no 'right way' or 'wrong way' to get through this.

Although I am concerned about how people will see me when it's all over and I'm back on my feet. What I mean is, I am aware that how I behave now will affect how they see me in the future. So I want to portray dignity and positivty and strength so they will see me as a good person. Is that silly? The psychiatrist I saw (plastic surgeon insists on all his patients seeing a psych before surgery) asked me "you mean all the people who know and love you as you are?" Hmm...food for thought.

BTW, have you finished your other treatments yet? Or are you still going through chemo etc?

Cheers

Heidixxx