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Maxene_36's avatar
Maxene_36
Member
14 years ago

I just feel 'blah'... and that's OK

Well, 2nd chemo was two weeks ago, and I got through it, I was more prepared this time!  Just still pretty tired, but that's what early nights are for I guess (when I can sleep, that is!)  :-)

I may have mentioned that I'm not a huge fan of needles, well.... after a fair few attempts trying to access my port with a 1/2 inch needle, we figured that my port is deeper than most, and ended up going with a 1.5 inch needle - information I really didn't need to know (owie) but, yep, I survived!!!

I'm due for number 3 on 5 December, and number 4 on 27 December - which will leave me with 4 more rounds to go (then radiation and Herceptin).  I just can't wait to finish this initial stuff. 

I am an official baldie now, and rock out in a cute little wig at work.  A young girl who serves me at a local cafe near the office said that she 'just loves' my new hair-do... had a bit of a giggle about that.... but it was really nice to hear! It's funny, I kind of felt like I was being dishonest - but what do you say to a virtual stranger?  "It's not actually my hair, its a wig, I have cancer"??  Does anyone have any simillar stories? 

This week I have just felt 'blah'.  I guess its from the chemo and being tired.  I've decided not to give myself a hard time about feeling this way though.  I guess it's just a part of the process.  I work with people who have suffered catastrophic injury, and some of my colleagues are disabled.  One in particular is a young fellow, he's just tops. 

Anyway, we had a candid chat today and he told me he was feeling a bit 'over it' and not 'really in to work today'.  I told him that I was feeling a bit tired and blah too - he said that I'm one of the only people who could understand how he feels when he's a bit down, he said 'you just get it Max'.  So I told him that I am giving myself a little allowance of 'blah' time every now and then, and he should too. 

We're always having to be strong, face the future and all it holds head on, and keep living life everyday... but sometimes, just sometimes, I feel blah.  And that's OK.

Anyway, that's just about enough about my 'blah'...

Hope everyone else is travelling well.  Santa will be on his merry way soon, my 3y/o son is really excited - he came into our room this morning wearing reindeer ears and a blinking Rudoph nose, trying to sing a carol - OMG it was so cute.

Take care all,

Maxene xx           

 

10 Replies

  • Lyn11's avatar
    Lyn11
    Member
    14 years ago

    I love your pic! I reckon it matches your sense of humour! Love it!

    I hope you are having a great day today,

    Lynne

  • Lyn11's avatar
    Lyn11
    Member
    14 years ago

    I love your pic! I reckon it matches your sense of humour! Love it!

    I hope you are having a great day today,

    Lynne

  • pennyb's avatar
    pennyb
    Member
    14 years ago
    I so get blah, had one of those yesterday. Sounds like you are doing an awesome job. Wow that port seems to be troublesome! Had my 2nd chemo today, feeling okay so far just a bit wiped out! Your son is gorgeous! Love Penny xx
  • pennyb's avatar
    pennyb
    Member
    14 years ago
    I so get blah, had one of those yesterday. Sounds like you are doing an awesome job. Wow that port seems to be troublesome! Had my 2nd chemo today, feeling okay so far just a bit wiped out! Your son is gorgeous! Love Penny xx
  • Di_BCNA's avatar
    Di_BCNA
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hey Maxene -- love your userpic (gotta love that confident strutt no matter the scragginess :)

    Your comment about 'blah' days made me think of Christine Miserandino's Spoon Theory, have you ever read that?   She's talking about her situation in living with Lupus, but I've always loved the analogy of 'not having enough spoons' as a shorthand way of explaining to other people what it means to not have the energy for something.

    Good luck with the rest of the chemo and Christmas -- lucky you having a reindeer in the house! :)

  • Di_BCNA's avatar
    Di_BCNA
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hey Maxene -- love your userpic (gotta love that confident strutt no matter the scragginess :)

    Your comment about 'blah' days made me think of Christine Miserandino's Spoon Theory, have you ever read that?   She's talking about her situation in living with Lupus, but I've always loved the analogy of 'not having enough spoons' as a shorthand way of explaining to other people what it means to not have the energy for something.

    Good luck with the rest of the chemo and Christmas -- lucky you having a reindeer in the house! :)

  • Kathryne's avatar
    Kathryne
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hey Maxene, just read this post I hope you are feeling better. I have sooky la la days like TonyaM. Dont beat yourself up about it you are allowed, we all are after what we are all going through. It is good you have support at work and someone you can share with , it is good for him too by the sounds of it.  I can relate to you about needles I hate them too, we worked out if I lay flat or stand against the wall the nurses get the needle into the port 1st time so maybe you can ask your nurse to try this. Do you apply Emla cream over the port to numb the area 1 hour before you go to chemo?? It is so good, you can get it from your chemo nurse.

    I am sure you look beautiful in your wig and you do not have to explain to anyone that you have cancer and it is a wig, take the compliment and walk out with a smile on your face , it does not make you a fraud so please do not feel like that. I do not wear a wig just hats and I had a melt down last week when a young girl at the pharmacy commented on how nice my hat was and wanted to know where she could get one, she had beautiful long blonde hair and looked so healthy. I was having a really bad  day I felt sick, looked crap, had thrush in my mouth a chest infection and I snapped at her and said why the hell would you want a cancer hat you little twit, you have beautiful  long hair, I turned and walked out all eyes were on me I was so humiliated and sat in my car crying, later in the day I had to return and say sorry to the girl. I have heard of a lady who pulled her wig off in a supermarket and threw it at the sales girl who commented on her lovely hair style telling her if she liked her hair so much she could have it LOL  So at least you just thanked her and walked out feeling good.

    Have a great day, Kathryne

  • Kathryne's avatar
    Kathryne
    Member
    14 years ago

    Hey Maxene, just read this post I hope you are feeling better. I have sooky la la days like TonyaM. Dont beat yourself up about it you are allowed, we all are after what we are all going through. It is good you have support at work and someone you can share with , it is good for him too by the sounds of it.  I can relate to you about needles I hate them too, we worked out if I lay flat or stand against the wall the nurses get the needle into the port 1st time so maybe you can ask your nurse to try this. Do you apply Emla cream over the port to numb the area 1 hour before you go to chemo?? It is so good, you can get it from your chemo nurse.

    I am sure you look beautiful in your wig and you do not have to explain to anyone that you have cancer and it is a wig, take the compliment and walk out with a smile on your face , it does not make you a fraud so please do not feel like that. I do not wear a wig just hats and I had a melt down last week when a young girl at the pharmacy commented on how nice my hat was and wanted to know where she could get one, she had beautiful long blonde hair and looked so healthy. I was having a really bad  day I felt sick, looked crap, had thrush in my mouth a chest infection and I snapped at her and said why the hell would you want a cancer hat you little twit, you have beautiful  long hair, I turned and walked out all eyes were on me I was so humiliated and sat in my car crying, later in the day I had to return and say sorry to the girl. I have heard of a lady who pulled her wig off in a supermarket and threw it at the sales girl who commented on her lovely hair style telling her if she liked her hair so much she could have it LOL  So at least you just thanked her and walked out feeling good.

    Have a great day, Kathryne

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    14 years ago

    I think we have alot of names for your blah day.I have "wallow in it"days.Sooky la la land  and pity parties have cropped up too.We can't be expected to be positive and cherpy all the time after what we've been through.Good luck with needles and next chemo.Hopefully you'll be feeling better for Christmas.

                                    Tonya xx