Ok. I'm not fishing for a compliment, nor do I want or need someone with lovely intentions to give me any kind of excuse for how I'm feeling about this, but I am merely using this as a place to say it - I feel soooooo hideous. Compared to my usual self (slim, long hair, not great posture but no Quasi Modo either), I am a troll right now. The hair on my head is almost gone, and yet a gross layer of patchy stubble remains. My face has puffed up and feels full of pressure. The good news is that my face IS so puffy it has filled out some wrinkles. Yee hah. My jowls are hanging down, with the doughy hammock of my double chin joining each side to my big moon-face. Adding insult to injury - I have gained weight. I don't know exactly how much, but I am starting to fill out like a rugby player. And I can't help it. I am eating when I'm hungry and not neglecting myself, as I just think my body has enough to deal with right now without having to lose or maintain my weight too, so I'm just eating what I want and letting it all happen, but it still feels like a rip off to be gaining so much weight already. I guess I'm about 1/2 way through my chemo journey (unless the oncologist says otherwise when I see him on Thursday due to the fact that the Taxotere has been cancelled because of reactions...) so I suppose that's some kind of consolation. Does anyone else feel hideously not themselves???

Did you read my blog fat bald and yuk? Know exactly where you are coming from Xxx

Yes, I also feel hideous! I feel like a giant puffer fish! Like someone has pumped me up with a bike pump! lol! Shocking isn't it? Celeste?

I've now booked myself in to a Look Good Feel Better workshop on 26th March (I think). And my friend who had breast cancer (and is about to finish her 5 years of hormone therapy in April, YAY!) came over tonight and gave me her wigs and scarves to wear until I don't need them any more. I'm starting to feel a bit better (she always makes me feel better any way because she cracks me up!) So I think I've got a plan. The anxiety about my appearance and what my appearance means (oh look at that poor chemo woman) will be dealt with by use of the lorazepam stuff they gave me. Maybe now I can start to get to sleep a bit earlier. And with LGFB in my future and a bit more of a grasp on wigs and scarves thanks to my far-more-fashion-savvy-than-I friend, I can have a bit of hope that I won't always look and feel this way. Has anyone out there done the workshop before? I don't usually wear makeup but I do usually have hair, so it seems like a fair swap at this stage in my life. What's it like?

I didn't get to go but I believe it's a hoot and you get free makeup. Yes Joey,go the makeup and the Lorazepan!- whatever gets you through this difficult time. I think losing your hair is underestimated. It's a big adjustment but,like everything in life,you get used to it after awhile.Doesn't mean you have to like it though.I'm so glad you have a friend who understands and is there for you. You will soon work out what headgear feels comfortable for you. I got alot of caps/hats from online www.headcover.org They cover your whole head and you don't feel like such a "chemo patient"when you go out.They are quite cheap too and get delivered to your door.Sounds like you'll be over the ugly virus in no time! love Tonya xx

I feel ugly, oh so ugly.... | BCNA Online Network

17 Replies

TonyaM
Member
14 years ago
I didn't get to go but I believe it's a hoot and you get free makeup. Yes Joey,go the makeup and the Lorazepan!- whatever gets you through this difficult time. I think losing your hair is underestimated. It's a big adjustment but,like everything in life,you get used to it after awhile.Doesn't mean you have to like it though.I'm so glad you have a friend who understands and is there for you. You will soon work out what headgear feels comfortable for you. I got alot of caps/hats from online www.headcover.org They cover your whole head and you don't feel like such a "chemo patient"when you go out.They are quite cheap too and get delivered to your door.Sounds like you'll be over the ugly virus in no time!

love Tonya xx
TonyaM
Member
14 years ago
I didn't get to go but I believe it's a hoot and you get free makeup. Yes Joey,go the makeup and the Lorazepan!- whatever gets you through this difficult time. I think losing your hair is underestimated. It's a big adjustment but,like everything in life,you get used to it after awhile.Doesn't mean you have to like it though.I'm so glad you have a friend who understands and is there for you. You will soon work out what headgear feels comfortable for you. I got alot of caps/hats from online www.headcover.org They cover your whole head and you don't feel like such a "chemo patient"when you go out.They are quite cheap too and get delivered to your door.Sounds like you'll be over the ugly virus in no time!

love Tonya xx
Joey
Member
14 years ago
I've now booked myself in to a Look Good Feel Better workshop on 26th March (I think). And my friend who had breast cancer (and is about to finish her 5 years of hormone therapy in April, YAY!) came over tonight and gave me her wigs and scarves to wear until I don't need them any more. I'm starting to feel a bit better (she always makes me feel better any way because she cracks me up!)

So I think I've got a plan. The anxiety about my appearance and what my appearance means (oh look at that poor chemo woman) will be dealt with by use of the lorazepam stuff they gave me. Maybe now I can start to get to sleep a bit earlier. And with LGFB in my future and a bit more of a grasp on wigs and scarves thanks to my far-more-fashion-savvy-than-I friend, I can have a bit of hope that I won't always look and feel this way.

Has anyone out there done the workshop before? I don't usually wear makeup but I do usually have hair, so it seems like a fair swap at this stage in my life. What's it like?
Joey
Member
14 years ago
I've now booked myself in to a Look Good Feel Better workshop on 26th March (I think). And my friend who had breast cancer (and is about to finish her 5 years of hormone therapy in April, YAY!) came over tonight and gave me her wigs and scarves to wear until I don't need them any more. I'm starting to feel a bit better (she always makes me feel better any way because she cracks me up!)

So I think I've got a plan. The anxiety about my appearance and what my appearance means (oh look at that poor chemo woman) will be dealt with by use of the lorazepam stuff they gave me. Maybe now I can start to get to sleep a bit earlier. And with LGFB in my future and a bit more of a grasp on wigs and scarves thanks to my far-more-fashion-savvy-than-I friend, I can have a bit of hope that I won't always look and feel this way.

Has anyone out there done the workshop before? I don't usually wear makeup but I do usually have hair, so it seems like a fair swap at this stage in my life. What's it like?
Anonymous
14 years ago
Yes, I also feel hideous! I feel like a giant puffer fish! Like someone has pumped me up with a bike pump! lol! Shocking isn't it? Celeste?
pennyb
Member
14 years ago
Did you read my blog fat bald and yuk? Know exactly where you are coming from Xxx

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I feel ugly, oh so ugly....

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