I AM a Champion!
Day 5 - after round three
Woke to the sound of Rusty barreling through the doggie doors! He only has two speeds......fast and faster! He came into greet me as usual, his wet nose nuzzling under my hand...Come on get up Mum!
I lay staring at the ceiling while patting Rusty, his coat is so luxurious and soft, it's quite soothing to touch...he loved the attention too snuggling into my hand..I wondered how I would feel once I was upright.....My eyes were still gooey, but I could see a bit clearer...
I tried to go back to sleep, but the kids behind us and the neighbourhood dogs, my own included!, don't know about Daylight Savings ending! I felt a bit queezy, so i got up.....I soon realised I was actually hungry...so the usual weetbix and banana it is....
Once up and moving, I was only slightly wobbly and it seems the fog is clearing too! When i go back over my journals...day 5 is about the time the nausea and fog lifts...so looks like I'm running according to schedule...
My exercises are getting easier again, after my silly mistake, but I can't shake the stabbing, pinching pain I now have near my scar as a result...panadol seems to help, but not entirely...I don't do well with strong pain killers so I am avoiding taking them.....for now.
I checked myself in the mirror, checked my scars and the hair situation.....I have quite a bit of scar tissue down the side of my breast and now the swelling has gone down completely, along with the huge crater that now is under my arm where my lymph nodes used to be, I can see just how much the surgeon had to take out to save my life.....Wow, ...SAVE MY LIFE....confronting words...
Those words enter my head every single day now.....It takes a while to actually realise you have a life threatening illness...you're too busy, busily going to appointments, having tests, having surgery....then the dust clears once the initial sweep has been done and you are just in awe of it all.....I just went through, and still am, going through the biggest thing EVER and I'm still standing (OK a bit unsteady), I'm here, breathing, living each day the best I can...I can still manage a smile, a laugh....I embrace the everyday and know that I am loved and supported....Knowing I have that squashes the self doubt I have some days....
So when I look at myself today and see my pale, dry skin, my tired darkened eyes, my scars, my balding head..although I still have quite a bumpy road ahead of me..............I feel proud.........I AM a champion!
Have an easy Sunday everyone!
Hugs to all Xx
