I think I am at one of my lowest points in my 13 year BC experience. PET scan yesterday and confirmation of my suspicions...... Cancer has spread to my bones, extensively. I haven't responded to hormone therapy and chemo , both oral and IV haven't halted the spread. I have a tumor in my lung and after a battle with aromasin and pneumanitis, my right lung isn't doing too well. so my oncologist does have chemo she can give me or I refuse chemo and maintain a better quality of life for maybe a shorter lifespan. I have always been in awe of you fantastic ladies who take this disease head on and so bravely battle the side effects but I am so scared and I have 4 beautiful grandchildren that I would like to spend good times with them, not debilitated by horrible side effects. i know that you can't make my decision for me, but some feedback and opinions could possibly clear my thoughts. My gorgeous, supportive husband just wants me to feel calm and accepting of my decision and will live with anything I choose. Thanks, lovely ladies ( and men ) Karel ??

Karel, I am so sorry about your condition and my heart breaks for you that you are having to face such a hearbreaking decision. I do not think any one of us could tell you what to do or to be honest even know what any one of us would do in the exact same situation. I believe that you need to do what feels right for you. Only you can weigh out the benefits and costs of the extended lifespan. I am certain that your family wants you with them for as long as they can have you but you need to do the right thing by yourself. I personally am as stubborn as they get and would give everything and anything a go before making a decision. But I also know how much Chemo can take out off you... I just spent all off past 2 weeks (since my last chemo) slumped on a sofa as attempting to walk more than 15 steps would have me collapse and force me to crawl back on all fours. I really do get how frustrating, disheartening and debilitating chemo sideeffects are. Again, nobody can tell you what you should do... If I was to make such a decision I would speak to the Oncologist to understand exactly what the sideffects of living with such Chemo are and how much effect it would have on me in terms of giving me extra time. And then I would consider that and what would make me feel 'right'. I am not sure how to word what I am thinking beacuse as I type it all sounds wrong ?? I guess what I am trying to say is that when I go (regardless of when that is age wise) I want to be at peace - as in not having regrets about my life - about the decisions I made as I do not want to be thinking "what if..." or "had I only..." or "I wish I had...". I do not want to feel I settled or had sometjing imposed on me. I am not sure if this helps or just confuses things. I hope I am not offending you at least as it is so hard to find the right words to express the actual thoughts and feelings. I trully feel for you and wish you all the best and a lot of strength to make the right decision for yourself. Give yourself time to understand what will make you the happiest and most content in yourself so there are no regrets and that you are.content and you know you have done right by yourself. Sending you a virtual hug ?????????????????? Jel.

Hi! Sending you a virtual hug.............can't imagine for one moment the turmoil that you are going through. Crumbs! If it was me, and that is easy to say because it isn't, I'd be wanting to know everything including the ins and outs of the ducks bum before I decided that the new treatment on offer is of value or not. I always remember my Mother-in-law, in the end we felt it was the treatment not the cancer, she no longer had the strength to endure the constant rounds of chemo and side effects. Take care from Christine xx

Hi Karel, Just jumped over from the secondary breast cancer site and read your post, what can i say that several of the others ladies havent said, i too have secondaries, but at this point in time the only thing that matters is YOU and the descions that you and your husband will be talking about in the near future,along with treatment options with your oncologist, there is so much information to take on board and you will probably feel overwhelmed at times, I am three years post diagnosis and I know there are several ladies who are 7 8 and 9 years or so post diagnosis of secondaries as well,please "pop" over to the secondary breast cancer site and perhaps reading some of our posts may help you in some small way, please take care, you have a wonderful,loving supportive family,please know that we are thinking of you and you are not alone, wendy 55

Hi Karel, So sorry about your news. It must be so incredibly scary and bewildering. I posted the other week about a lady I met when I was being discharged from hospital whose breast cancer had also spread to her bones including her spine. She had been given a poor prognosis. When I met her she had been surviving her secondary cancer for 7 years, was still working and living strong. As a thought, you could always commence the treatment that your oncologist has offered and see how you react to it, could be better than you think. I'm sure that what you ultimately decide will certainly be the right option for you. Sending you best wishes and hugs Xx Cath

Dear Jel, thank you for your words and thoughts. I'm a bit more together this evening and during the day I've written down questions to ask my oncologist and a pros and cons list. I think what was worrying me the most was remembering how I spent the last 6 months of 2015 with shocking fatigue, stays in hospital, loss of hair etc and that in that time spent less time with the kids. What makes me so annoyed is that even with a not so good prognosis, at the moment I am feeling quite good. I've travelled this road before and will definitely make an informed decision with my doctor . Thanks again for your thoughtful reply, just knowing someone listens, can lift you. cheers......Karel

How to make a choice? | BCNA Online Network

12 Replies

iserbrown
Member
9 years ago
Hi! Sending you a virtual hug.............can't imagine for one moment the turmoil that you are going through. Crumbs!

If it was me, and that is easy to say because it isn't, I'd be wanting to know everything including the ins and outs of the ducks bum before I decided that the new treatment on offer is of value or not. I always remember my Mother-in-law, in the end we felt it was the treatment not the cancer, she no longer had the strength to endure the constant rounds of chemo and side effects.

Take care from Christine xx
jd48
Member
9 years ago
Karel, I am so sorry about your condition and my heart breaks for you that you are having to face such a hearbreaking decision.

I do not think any one of us could tell you what to do or to be honest even know what any one of us would do in the exact same situation.

I believe that you need to do what feels right for you. Only you can weigh out the benefits and costs of the extended lifespan. I am certain that your family wants you with them for as long as they can have you but you need to do the right thing by yourself.

I personally am as stubborn as they get and would give everything and anything a go before making a decision. But I also know how much Chemo can take out off you... I just spent all off past 2 weeks (since my last chemo) slumped on a sofa as attempting to walk more than 15 steps would have me collapse and force me to crawl back on all fours. I really do get how frustrating, disheartening and debilitating chemo sideeffects are.

Again, nobody can tell you what you should do... If I was to make such a decision I would speak to the Oncologist to understand exactly what the sideffects of living with such Chemo are and how much effect it would have on me in terms of giving me extra time. And then I would consider that and what would make me feel 'right'. I am not sure how to word what I am thinking beacuse as I type it all sounds wrong ??

I guess what I am trying to say is that when I go (regardless of when that is age wise) I want to be at peace - as in not having regrets about my life - about the decisions I made as I do not want to be thinking "what if..." or "had I only..." or "I wish I had...". I do not want to feel I settled or had sometjing imposed on me.

I am not sure if this helps or just confuses things. I hope I am not offending you at least as it is so hard to find the right words to express the actual thoughts and feelings.

I trully feel for you and wish you all the best and a lot of strength to make the right decision for yourself. Give yourself time to understand what will make you the happiest and most content in yourself so there are no regrets and that you are.content and you know you have done right by yourself.

Sending you a virtual hug ??????????????????

Jel.

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How to make a choice?

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