Forum Discussion
How dare I!
REST, RECOVER, RESTORE.
Sorry in advance.......but here it comes......
Well I'm having one of those weeks........The light is dimmed somewhat.....
It's been just over two weeks since I finished radiotherapy and after a trying time of broken, bleeding and blistered skin I am happy to say, that after my consult with the nurses today......My skin is no longer weeping and is healing well so I no longer have to apply dressing to my burns....this is great as the dressings made me uncomfortably hot!
I thought I was getting better, a bit more energy.....sleeping a bit better.....feeling happier.......but you just keep on smacking me down......How dare I even consider returning to 'normality'!
I have been feeling off these last few days....can't say why, funny in the head......so I took myself to the GP....She took bloods right there and then and ordered a bone scan as I have had pain in my hip......Now this is the tricky part, I do have pain everywhere, from OsteoArthritis and it's a side effect of the hormone blockers I'm taking....but this pain is in a dfferent part of my hip and it wakes me up, so she said better to be safe than sorry.....
Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!.... not my GP, fucking cancer! Not only did you put me through Hell this last year, ,but now every ache, every pain will make me go into a spin of silent panic.....and to top my day off I look down and my big toe nail has fallen OFF!!!!!! So much for trying to pretty them up! Well that just made me cry.....WTF? It's been 6 months since my last chemo!....they reckon it's out of your system within a few weeks.....What a crock!.......I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!
I am soooo tired...sooo annoyed that I still don't have any energy that lasts more than a few hours......tired of pain......the physical effects have knocked me over again...my mind is getting clouded again.....concentration is lagging.....
There's not much I can do I suppose except whinge to the Universe.....I ask for it to stop, I've done my time, I want to FEEL well....It's pissing me off big time!
Alright, you can have today.....I will cry ......cry for me....cry for my poor hubby who has to see me this way......cry for my burnt, sore skin.....cry for my friggin' toe nail......
........but be prepared, for once I've released....cleared my aching head.....I WILL push you back down.....and I'll keep pushing you down, until YOU can no longer get up......#FUCancer
17 Replies
- Oh gorgeous woman. Just wanted to give you a massive hug cause your post broke my heart for you. Hang in, and keep hanging on. I feel so sorry for you because I totally can relate on every single thing you say. Just a massive massive virtual hug for you. Hope the clouds clear soon so you feel fighting fit again. Untill then, we are all here to hold up your arms when you feel battle weary. Love xxxx
- Oh @ScorpionQueen, like all of us on this sight, if we could ease one another's load then we would. Cry, scream, yell - do it for you and do it for everyone who cares for you. No it isn't fair - F**K cancer. I give it the middle finger every single day.
Six months for a well person seems to just fly by - with Christmas upon us so many people say "where has the year gone" but during periods of extreme illness and this scourge of cancer 6 months can seem like a lifetime.
I imagine from your moniker that you are a Scorpio, so from one fellow Scorpio to another - we are the most strong, stubborn, determined people. But sometimes, just sometimes, it is Ok to put your hands up & say "today I am going to be a lounge lizard".
Big hugs & energy to you - just to ease some of your fatigue.
Sheryl xx - Hi Tracy. Glad you are feeling better today. Totally get where you are coming from though. I hate to say it but we may have other bad days like this in the future. I gotta keep hanging on to the thought that those days will also pass. I went to my GP for a regular pain med repeat prescription last week. Thought she might congratulate me on my fabulous 19 kg weight loss. Instead she wanted to whisk me off for scans because of a suspicious cough. The whole 'cancer roller coaster' started up again. Walked out of there completely shellshocked and devastated. Glad I said no to the scan. I just couldn't face the waiting for results period again and I was pretty sure it was nothing. Ended up I just had a virus that I caught off my boys.... but man, ENOUGH with the scares and reminders already.
Rant when you have to. It's good to get it out.
Sending hugs, Nadi - Thanks Ladies! I'm now over my sooky rant and am feeling much better today.....<3 Hope you are all travelling along well too!
- My heart goes out to you Tracy and am sending you big hugs. Hoping that today is a little brighter for you xxx
- All I can say is hugs Tracy xx
- Just want to say that I feel you girl.
Chemo finished for me 3 months ago.
My nails have not stopped trying to break off,
my back is still in constant pain
the skin on my feet is still drying out - growing hard and flaking off,
my eyes and head are always hot.
THREE MONTHS and it's still interfering with my functioning properly.
With radio (finished 2 days ago) on top, my skin is burning and itching and I can't go for 6 hours without needing a nap.
sick of it
sick of it, sick of it, sick of it, sick of it.
edit - I should add that I've had my back scanned and they didn't find any metastasis there - just so nobody worries. - Cheers for better cheers for better times
- Good on you Scorpian Queen... You tell that bloody cancer to sod off! We are all with you. Some days or some moments in some days are just shit:(. That's when you remind yourself to breathe and hope tommorrow will be better. I tell myself that's one shitty day less every time I have one. And sometimes that helps. You know I think we all need to acknowledge what a bloody horrible time we have been through and are still having occasionally. And then tell ourselves how bloody awesome we are
- Hi ladies, I just reckon big hug to all, as I'm sure we can all relate in one form or another!!!!! (and some tissues!!) Sending healing vibes and energy Xx
