Well, hello there. Is anyone there? I feel like I am a pea sized body rocking around in a tin...hoping for someone, anyone to hear me. This is Post 1. I hope to write others but I don't know. It has been a long year and I have felt pretty bad for most of it. Here is me, in short: Diagnosis, May DCIS and invasive cancer in the right breast 2.2 cm, 34 (now 35) years old. Oestrogen and progesterone positive, no family history. Lumpectomy, radiation, Tamoxifen and waiting for the dreaded day I have to take Zoladex. I have an 18 month old and I work part time. This has rocked my world. I am lucky, I caught it early etc but I can't shake the feeling of sadness and exhaustion that permeates everything. I can feel life creeping by day by day and I am worried that I spend too much time scared, too much time worried. Mostly, I am tired. So this is it. It is all I want to say today. Maybe this will help me work out some of this mess in my head. If you are out there, if you happened to read this...just say hello. S

hi ladies glad to see you participating, thats what this site is all about. W have a great bunch on women, who have been on the journey for themselves or with loved ones, so a mine full of information and support can be had right here. I was diagnosed in jul 2008, had lumpectomy, lymph nodes clear, chemo, radiotherapy and am now on Arimidex hormone for 5 years. After treatment was finished i felt great, then a couple of months down the road, i fell flat, teary etc, Me thinking i'm a strong person thought i will get through this, but tebest thing i done was talk o my doctoner who prescribed mild anti depressants, i argued the point with him i didnt need them.... who's the proffesional, and having spoke to a few women since, it seems its a natural thing after treatment. i am off them now, and feeling great, intent on supporting others, having just been on the bcna community liaison course, i am able to help others in the rural area where i live, so it goes to show, in this day and age you are not alone, there is always someone to help along the way. There are people of all ages on here, so keep on visiting and participating. GREAT TO SEE YOU HERE!!! feel free to add me as a contact . Moira

Hi Sara, this is my very first post and I'm not sure if it will end up in the right place! LOL The hardest thing to deal with is the loneliness. You have to stay positive because the ones you love are so desperately scared and you feel you have to be brave on the outside so that they can cope! I know that sounds silly but that's how it was and still is for me. I was diagnosed in September 2005 and had a mastectomy in October and started Chemo in November. I went through those first two months as if in a dream. My beloved daughter-in-law who was a travel agent came to visit me after my first chemo and gave me a beautiful bunch of tea roses. She was on her way to the airport accompanying a group of tourists and she looked very smart in her uniform. She gave me a hug and said she would be thinking of me on the day of my second chemo treatment although she had no idea where she would be ... we laughed and hugged and as I waved goodbye I had no idea that I would never see her again. She died of a heart attack in Marrakesh, Morocco leaving a heartbroken husband and three children aged 11, 14 and 16. Dealing with Cancer and Chemo, Radiotherapy and subsequent Herceptin and trying to help my grieving family nearly broke me. I couldn't die because too many people were relying on me so I suppressed my own feelings and struggled on. I was blessed to have had the support of a wonderful husband, daughter, sister and mother without them I would have drowned in misery. I'm still struggling and dealing with the side effects of Arimidex but my own problems pale into insignificance compared to those of my beloved grandchildren. I have been reluctant to join any support group as my depression seems less to do with Cancer than with other problems. However, Sara, your post touched me and I identify with your feelings of sadness and being scared. This is a wonderful network and hopefully we can all feel less alone and helpless just by posting to each other. I hope this helps. Rennay

Hello All This is also my first post and I am glad to have the opportunity to join this group. Strage for someone who has resisted opening up about anything through my life journey let alone my illness. I was diagnosed last November, just in time for my son's 21st Birthday and Christmas. A Mastectomy, Chemotherapy, Radiotherapy, Herceptin and Tamoxifen have taken up most of this year. There is always a list of common side effects but I always seemed to get the the ones in the uncommon list as well. The tiredness lingers as well as ongoing issues with joint pain and numb toes. I haven't had time for fear yet because like most families everyone else is counting on me(mum) to be on top of things so that they can cope. My daughter is doing year 12 which is a struggle for her and I decided to leave my job so I can be there for my daughter and focus on getting well. My husband and I decided to sell our house in Melbourne and move back to SA to a small acerage just out of Victor Harbor. We just feel that we want to do things we want to now and not wait until retirement age. We want the next 5 years to be about us and our family rather than working so hard all the time. I haven't really shed a tear about my cancer yet I'm sure I will one day but I get the feeling that if I breakdown everyone else will too and then I will end up having to support everyone else. Right now it's easier to plough on,take one day at a time and remember that there are others who are a whole lot worse off than me. I am looking forward to getting through the move to our new home, helping my kids set up their new lives and keeping my mind off the fear that lingers in the background. Sara, like you I hope there is someone out there - I'm sure there is - and I look forward to learnig more about other people and how I can contribute to the cause. Kay

Hi Sarah, this is my first post, so I hope I have done it right. I was dagnosed with advanced cancer in 2005 and have managed to stay well and relatively unchanged in that time. I think everyone here understands about the loneliness. I have been having the Zoladex implant once a month since I was first diagnosed. Everyone is different and we all have different responses to it. Lucky for me I haven't had much of a problem with it, just the hot flushes more than anything. I too work part time and have only missed about two days of work. My girls are older now, but I know it must be hard for you with such a little one. It's great that you have written something. I find writing down my feelings and how I am feeling is a great way to think about it and then get over it. I write exactly how I am and I even use the "rude" words. Writing stops me staying at the bottom of the barrel too long. Good luck on your journey and feel free to add me as a contact if you like. All the best. Tracey

Sarah, this is my first post as well and I'm responding to your message with one from the heart and I hope it gives you comfort and hope. Very early in my breast cancer journey, I attended a public lecture on lymphodema. The speaker was wonderful and inspiring, but the best part was meeting other women with heaps of different experiences. One older woman shared her story of having been diagnosed and treated with a radical mastetectomy over 30 years ago and she has led a wonderful life and encouraged me to live each day as it comes with the assuarance that it gets easier to live with cancer as time goes on. It's not been an easy journey and I've had my ups and downs and still do, but I just celebrated my 55th birthday and the 7th anniversary of my diagnosis and start of my treatment . This time 7 years ago, all I could manage when thinking of a future, was to reassure myself that I would be truly grateful if I saw my 49th birthday. That first year is now a distant blur, but I remember with each passing year it's like a huge milestone is passed...another year older and wiser and stronger. So be kind to yourself and reach out when you are feeling alone, there are a lot of lovely people out there who will listen. Go Girl

Hello there | BCNA Online Network

24 Replies

starsinmypocket
Member
16 years ago
Hi Anthea,

Happy Birthday! You seem to be doing so well. Your words are really inspiring and comforting so thank you so much.

Sara
starsinmypocket
Member
16 years ago
Hi Louise,

So lovely to hear your story. You are dealing with a lot and seem so strong. You are right about the kids being older being harder - I had never really thought of that before. At least my son doesn't know what is happening, it would be very hard for teenagers, I think. Thanks so much for sharing your story, it really made me think.

Sara
starsinmypocket
Member
16 years ago
Thanks, Tracey. It is really heartening to read your words. You seem to be doing really well. How have you found the Zoladex?
starsinmypocket
Member
16 years ago
Thanks for your post. You have such a sad story to tell but you are such a strong person, your words really inspired me.

Thank you.
starsinmypocket
Member
16 years ago
Thanks, Tanya. It is so lovely to hear another 'young woman' story. It can be very lonely sometimes. It is really great to hear that you are doing so well. My surgeon said something similar - that it takes a couple of years before women really feel that the 'cloud' has lifted. So great to hear your story and have you as a contact.

x Sara
moira1
Member
16 years ago
HAVING READ ALL THE ABOVE, FIRSTLY WELCOME TO THE NEWBIES, AND THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR PARTICIPATING AND HELPING OTHERS, WE HAVE ALL TRAVELLED THE SAME ROAD, AND TO A DEGREE KNOW WHAT OTHERS ARE GOING THROUGH, TO HAVE YOU ALL COME ON HERE ARE BOOST EACH OTHER IS SO GREAT TO SEE. PLEASE KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, AND REMEMBER WHILE YOU ARE HELPING OTHERS YOU ARE HELPING YOURSELF. THANKS LADIES!!!!!
moira1
Member
16 years ago
we are always glad when people get on here, and support each other, so your first post landed in exactly the right place, and i did have tears in my eyes reading your story, my thinking is the glass is half full, but sometimes its hard to get it over that half way mark, but with people who have been on the journey knowing exactly what we are feeling and talking about, makes a BIG difference, so please keep comming back and chatting to everyone. I am also a Champion of this site, so we are always looking for ways to improve communication. I live in a rural community and there is no support group, the nearest is 145k's away, so having been on the bcna community liaison course in Melbourne, i can at least raise awareness of this great crowd of friends. My keyboard keeps spelling things wrong (of course its not me, trying to type to fast hehe). Anyway just wanted to welcome you, and look forward to chatting on line.x
Tanya
Member
16 years ago
Hi Sara

Very similar diagnosis to yours in that I was 36 when diagnosed with a 2 and 4 year old at the time. That was back in 2007. I too felt like I had a cloud over me for the first couple of years, but things turned around after that. I still get tired, but other than that life is back to the "new" normal. It will never be the same, but there are definately some things that I like better now.

Like many other young women here I attended the young womens conference on the weekend. It was great to know that there are so many other women on the same journey. However, I am not defined by my breast cancer and it feels like such a distant memory for me now (although it was only 3 years ago).

So in time, with love and support you too will come out the other side and the fog will lift and life will return to the new normal. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time and love. Dont ever feel like you are alone, I know first hand that sometimes the people closest to us do not understand what we are feeling.

Love Tanya xx
louiseg
Member
16 years ago
Hi Sara,

Your diagnosis sounds all too familiar! I have just come out of hospital a few weeks ago after having a mastectomy for a 2.2cm grade 2 invasive ductal tumour (they also found DCIS in the breast when they did the mastectomy). I previously had a mastectomy on the left side back in 2003 at the age of 35 for extensive DCIS on that side (but no further treatment as it hadn't spread).

It feels so unfair to have to go through it all again and I am so tired of doctors appointments and tests at the moment....all I want to do is to curl up in the corner and hide from the world :( I have already had a bone scan this week and still have a trip to the oncologist, an MRI (they have found a shadow on my liver) and a visit to the plastic surgeon to go before Friday!

I can relate to a lot of the other ladies on here who say that they need to stay strong and happy for the sake of their families and friends....I feel that way too. I also feel that if I stay happy then I will beat this, like I thought I had last time.... I just never expected it to come back again and its harder this time...

My boys are older than your child (13 and 15 yrs) but it's more difficult for them this time too as they understand what is going on. They are quite clingy at the moment and keep telling me how much they love me (which is wonderful). I try to keep them happy and positive about what's happening.

It will be nice to have others to talk to about what we are feeling....it's nice to know that someone is there to listen and understands what we are going through.

Please add me as a contact if you like as I'd like to hear how you are going,

Louise :)
Anthea
Member
16 years ago
Sarah, this is my first post as well and I'm responding to your message with one from the heart and I hope it gives you comfort and hope. Very early in my breast cancer journey, I attended a public lecture on lymphodema. The speaker was wonderful and inspiring, but the best part was meeting other women with heaps of different experiences. One older woman shared her story of having been diagnosed and treated with a radical mastetectomy over 30 years ago and she has led a wonderful life and encouraged me to live each day as it comes with the assuarance that it gets easier to live with cancer as time goes on. It's not been an easy journey and I've had my ups and downs and still do, but I just celebrated my 55th birthday and the 7th anniversary of my diagnosis and start of my treatment . This time 7 years ago, all I could manage when thinking of a future, was to reassure myself that I would be truly grateful if I saw my 49th birthday. That first year is now a distant blur, but I remember with each passing year it's like a huge milestone is passed...another year older and wiser and stronger. So be kind to yourself and reach out when you are feeling alone, there are a lot of lovely people out there who will listen.

Go Girl

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