This is my supposed good week before my final TC on Monday (silver lining at least I’m on the home stretch) but I just seem to have hit a wall in the last couple of days. All the symptoms have compounded and when normally I would feel “normal” I still have numb/tingly bottoms of feet and toes, extreme muscle soreness and weakness (feellike I have run a marathon), the fatigue has been getting worse this week - I’m about to head home to bed for the rest of the day, I feel all bloated like a puffer fish and just feel very unattractive and uncomfortable in my own skin and today for some reason I just feel like bursting into tears which is very unlike me. Excuse my language but fuck u cancer, and chemo, and all the surgeries, and the tablets to come - u all suck!!!Sorry everyone, today’s whinge over!!

Totally understandable - entitled to a melt down, let's face it, you've earnt it!Take care as it does get better

@iserbrown thanks - I keep trying to tell myself I don’t have to be strong all the time. @Janny54 spent the afternoon in bed with the cat watching Netflix. I just keep thinking get through Monday and then 21 days after that all this poison should start leeching from my body. @kmakm I definitely seem to be following the same as u so far - second was the easiest and third has been by far the worst. That’s so depressing about the muscles!! I’m going to start back to yoga in s couple of weeks and then will try to increase the intensity of my walking when the muscle pain fades. As soon as I can I will get back to running - slowly at first of course and then I might try Pilates too as a new place has opened up round the corner. I’ll be my own rehab but I have been exercising all my life so I know my limits. Its a lot of frustration for me that my body won’t do what it always has - I’m sure a lot of us feel like that though. Thanks for the hugs. Xoxoxo

Chemo is calculated to give your body the maximum smashing it can endure. There are reasons why the treatment is staged the way it is, or has been. Dose dense is starting to become more common as methods to handle the side effects improve but the theory remains the same, how much damage can the average person tolerate while getting rid of those rogue cells as they are multiplying. Your poor body has had about all that it can take, no wonder you feel like shit. I'd like to say you will feel better soon, but realistically it takes a while. It can be truly depressing to find you feel worse that ever --from a pain perspective-- a month after your last chemo, but it is pretty common; it's your body trying to regenerate. Hang in there. Youve done a great job so far. Marg xx

@Josephine66 - huge big squishy hugs xoxoxo

Hey @"Kiwi Angel" you go right ahead and whinge. Yep fuck you cancer and everything that comes with it. Feeling pretty low myself today. I should be grateful that I'm alive but at the moment it feels like quality of life is at its lowest. Hang in there kiwi angel and remember you're not alone xx

Have Hit the Wall | BCNA Online Network

Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@Josephine66 - huge big squishy hugs xoxoxo
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@Josephine66 I’m like u - tough as nails - BC has turned me soft and also like u, I have to wear a sleeve as I have some swelling- my physio won’t call it true lymphodema until after chemo as it all can cause swelling.
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
@Josephine66 Ah you poor love, that all just sucks big time. Good on you for getting the exercise & nutrition in early in the day. I am yet to get to my walk...

I rarely rarely cried before BC. It has completely undone me; I have cried me a river! It was the last straw in a long line of distressing family events. I no longer have any reserves. Since the BC I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety (up to 50% of us are). Anti-depressants are helping but I don't want to be on them forever. So 'recovery' for me also means how to get back my emotional and mental strength as well. Just got to work out how to do that... Onwards and upwards!
Josephine66
Member
7 years ago
Forgot to mention im now having to wear a compression sleeve cause my arm is swelling ( early signs of lymphadema? ). Cancer just keeps on giving. F@#$k you cancer
Josephine66
Member
7 years ago
Reading all these recent posts and I dont feel so bad missing a week of chemo. I was meant to have #8 Paclitaxol yesterday but the Oncologist said might be a good idea to have a break. Been having chemo since Jan 12 and scheduled till end of june. Like everyone else on here its been a pretty f!@#d journey. Weight gain (extreme), fatigue, muscle swelling, bone pain and my all time favourite depression. Before breast cancer i was one hard bitch, now i cry daily. So heres hoping my body and head manage to heal a little with this break. Have been for my morning walk and drank my 400 mls of celery juice, high protein brekkie and now im knackered and on the couch. As they say one day at a time xo
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@kmakm thanks hon xoxox. Good to get a sense of perspective about how much I have been able to keep doing.
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
I second @Zoffiel, you've done a terrific job so far Steph. You've done your best to keep moving, you've worked, had a great sense of humour. Kudos! Hang in there. In three and a bit weeks you'll start to feel better. And that will be AWESOME! Kate xox
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@Zoffiel thanks Marge. Pretty tough on the poor old body alright. I do think if I’m feeling this crap hopefully it’s doing the same to any cancer cells.
Zoffiel
Member
7 years ago
Chemo is calculated to give your body the maximum smashing it can endure. There are reasons why the treatment is staged the way it is, or has been. Dose dense is starting to become more common as methods to handle the side effects improve but the theory remains the same, how much damage can the average person tolerate while getting rid of those rogue cells as they are multiplying.
Your poor body has had about all that it can take, no wonder you feel like shit. I'd like to say you will feel better soon, but realistically it takes a while. It can be truly depressing to find you feel worse that ever --from a pain perspective-- a month after your last chemo, but it is pretty common; it's your body trying to regenerate. Hang in there. Youve done a great job so far. Marg xx
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@arpie for sure I will be in Touch ID we head your way xoxo