Hair Today - Gone Tomorrow

Hi Kerry,

Hope you are still going well with your treatment!

I cut my hair really short when I was 15 and it looked terrible, so to say I was scared about losing my hair is an understatement. My scalp hurt so much before my hair fell out, it was crazy.

I had quite long curly hair, and cut it very short the weekend before my treatment was to start. I got to my first chemo session and I was sent home (its a long story, but they wanted to do more tests) I was devistated, I was so angry that I had cut my hair off and worked myself up for my first session, and they just sent me home like it was no big deal.

My treatment was then put on hold for about 3 weeks, which in the end was possibly a blessing, as I got to get used to myself with short hair. After I finally started chemo, my hair started to seriously fall out on day 17, the day after my boyfriends 30th. It really was the perftect timing, I got to spend one final day with family and friends feeling like myself, without being scared of people taking photos. The day after the party, I woke up with heaps of hair on my pillow, and could pull it out in clumps. So that afternoon Nick shaved my head in our bathroom, while I sang Sinead O'Conner Nothing Compares to You!

I bought a wig before my hair fell out, but I never wore it, actually I hated it! I looked like a super different person in it, and I didn't feel like myself. So I stuck to head scarfs and hats, and then I thought bugger it, and just balded it up. My friends, family and partner all encouraged me to do whatever I felt comfortable with, and all told me I looked great with my bald head - it wasn't easy all the time and I still had days where I cried alot and just felt like I was horrid looking, but there was nothing a good cry, hug and some kind words couldn't fix.

My hair started growing back during my second round of chemo when I was having weekly taxol, initally it was like super soft baby hair, now 6 months later it is thicker than before, I have a few more greys and I am not sure if it will be curly. I had my first real hair cut last week, and even though it is still super short I love it!

Losing your hair and having your hormones going crazy at the same time is just horrific, be kind to yourself and know it is okay to have days when you feel like shit and don't want to do or see anyone. Just know that its is not forever and things will get better. You are a beautiful person with hair or no hair!