frustrated

With what you have been through it is entirely understandable that you are feeling low at this point. I think many of us feel like that at some point (for me it was after hospitalization for nutripenia at 4/6 chemos) without the sudden death of a loved one to contend with as well. It does get SO annoying when (well-meaning) people try to get you focusing on the 'positives'. When you feel so unwell and like some sort of prisoner to this disease and treatment regime with no end in sight and lots of unknowns still to endure. I understand your boredom and frustration with not being able to do ANYTHING. I loved reading too but chemo affected both my eyesight and my ability to concentrate. Sometimes all I could do was lie down, eyes shut and talk to a friend or family member on the phone. Time dragged and I hated not knowing when I would get to feel better. Of course even when I did feel a bit better I knew this would be short lived because the next chemo would set me back again. The only time I felt ok was when i was on the steriods for the next chemo. So what you are feeling is VERY understandable. However, with all the added stress of your infection and also the terrible shock of losing your sister you really could do with some extra support. The Cancer Council can be of help with phone counseling. Getting support from other ladies on here is also a great idea. I know a couple of ladies have lost someone close while going through this, so they maybe able to make contact with you. I know that face to face support will be too hard for you at the moment but down the track there maybe a support group you can join. BCNA also have some very good info on their new fact sheets for Anxiety and Depression. Just use this site to vent how you are feeling. There will always be someone to listen and understand. Keep in touch and I hope that this will lead to some good support for you. Sending you many cyber hugs. Deanne xxxooooo