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Jenv's avatar
Jenv
Member
8 years ago

Flat as a tack

Round 4 of chemo and feeling flat as a tack...chemo last wednesday and was feeling good but 5 days later feel like crap...no ooomph.  I know the chemo is working but geez its taking its toll...I've had hand issues with burning, neuropathy of feet, skin issues...I've gone from 76kgs two years ago down to 54kgs today. It better be worth it cos I'm over it. 2 chemos to go. Sometimes i just wanna piss everybody off and say 'go away' and just deal with myself....everyone is so well meaning but they not going thru it...i know life goes on but just eff off...living this hermit like existence. CT scan on thursday and i have to drink that iodine crap...JOY!....just doesn't end....
Sorry had to rant as taking its toll!

7 Replies

  • Romla's avatar
    Romla
    Member
    8 years ago
    Kath's right turning up and having it is what it's about - I was very focussed going thru treatment .What I found toughest was when the frantic flurry of treatment ended and the future opened up then I needed to reach out but to those that got it. I know most non bc people are well meaning and guess they don't know what to say and mostly we're too polite to say how we really feel or what we think about banalities but that's life and I've been guilty on both sides of the fence.Be gentle on yourself and others but remember always open here for a rant.X
  • Jenv's avatar
    Jenv
    Member
    8 years ago
    Thanks girls....i always feel this pressure to show how well I'm coping...too proud to show people that im sick or need help..and yes if one more person tells me ' but you look so well ' i'll scream...
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    8 years ago
    I got frickin miserable as it progressed.  If one more person told me how well I looked I would have head butted them. I forced myself on at least one outing a week...with quiet people. Hang in there. ..you can do it...miserable or not. Being positive has shite to do with it. Turning up and having it does. The end is in site. Kath x
  • socoda's avatar
    socoda
    Member
    8 years ago
    Hey @Jenv, nothing says you have to be socialite of the year while your going through treatment!! If you need time alone, tell people!! Tell them "it's me time!" That seems to get accepted better than "P#*@ Off - I want to be alone". I reckon very important to have some down time.  Alternatively put a sign on your door telling people you'll get in touch when your up to it  ;)
  • Zoffiel's avatar
    Zoffiel
    Member
    8 years ago

    Iodine, mmm, yum. Not.

    I know exactly what you mean about the well meaning with their chirpy little voices, endless smiles and relentless kindness. I have to bite my tongue--snarling 'You wouldn't be so happy and so fricken POSITIVE if you were on this end of this tube, Sunshine.' isn't nice. No, we must be nice. It seriously tests my patience and often ends in tears--mine which is a reversal of the norm.

  • June1952's avatar
    June1952
    Member
    8 years ago
    Hi @Jenv
    Good on your for coming on line to vent - this site is the best for times when you are feeling down.
    Living out so far is also an added issue, although if you grew up there you would have lots of school and work friends as well as family ?
    Nice to lose some weight - but what a way to do so !
    The weather today is probably not helping, is it ?
    Keep those positive thoughts as per @LMK74 said - you are nearly there.
    Big hugs  Summer  :-)
  • LMK74's avatar
    LMK74
    Member
    8 years ago
    @Jenv, it's all so exhausting and I think we all have days of feeling this way. Just the other day I had well meaning neighbor's dropping by and just wanted them gone. I wasn't in the mood for them. Keep telling yourself 2 more to go. Hang in there.