Hey ladies, it's been a while since I have posted but I've been reading along on people's blogs. I got lost in chemo world, what a horrible place. While the AC was all nausea and feeling sick, the taxol has slowly chipped away at my body and remaining health and left me feeling rotten. I have hot flushes all day and night, my skin is dry and I get lots of little pimples (never had bad skin before), I have no energy and when I exercise I get so so sore, I retain fluid, my hair is painfully slow to grow, all grey of course, and I have numb toes and tingly feet still, dry yellow and sore fingernails, and will lose 2 toe nails, I have aged 10 years I think in the last 3 months on taxol (I had 11of 12). I'm so tired of this, and I'm tired of putting on a brave face...but I've returned to work (mostly from home so far) until my next adventure. My double DIEP is booked for April 12. Followed by tamoxifen and continuing on herceptin till November. I was looking forward to finishing chemo and feeling well again, but 2 weeks on and I still feel crappy. I really want to feel good and strong before the surgery. I guess the going will be slow. I slept really well on AC but on taxol I got a bit depressed and couldn't sleep. Onc said that's normal. But even if its normal, it's not pleasant. I went on a anti anxiety med for a while. But I've stopped taking it and now take a Swisse sleeping tablet. On reading this post over it sounds really negative, but I'm trying to be real. Ill feel better with eyebrows and lashes I think, eyebrows are almost back but no sign of the lashes. I'm really over wearing scarves or anything else and very close to going with the small amount of hair I have. But it ain't pretty! Anyway, I'm on the mend. Louie

Hey Louie Congrats for getting through the dreaded chemo, it is such a milestone for you. Sounds like you have had a crappy ride which is not fair. Reading your post made me rethink all the horrible things I went through. I am a good few months post chemo and radiotherapy and doing okay. I hear you when you say you are over it all. You will get there sweety, it is just a slow long hard slog to get back there. My hair has grown back totally grey and curly (I had 2nd hair cut yesterday). I still have good days and bad so you just have to go with the flow. You have done so well to get this far, keep on going and you will get there slowly, slowly. Sending you all good vibes for quick hair/lash growth, some energy and some patience to deal with this mongrel of a disease and all the wretched treament that goes with it. I still keep the words going through my head, that it is all temporary and we have to go through all this crap to save our lives. Thinking of you, Mich xoxo

So glad to hear you have finished chemo- well done you! I think they should hand out a medal on your last day.It's ok to be negative and vent your frustrations here.You can't be upbeat all the time or really any of the time on chemo,let's face it. You'll get your mojo back and your hair -just not overnight. Like you,I was soooo over the scarf thing and it was summer and my hair had slowly grown to buzz cut length. I folded my scarves and bandanas over to form a head band which gave me that bit of security to face the world. I got carried away and made various coloured head bands to match my clothes. It was so much cooler.I thought I looked pretty swish until my 8 yr old nephew asked me if I was learning karate- bubble got abit deflated. It's only been 2 weeks since your last chemo so I guess your body is still recovering and making up red and white blood cells.Just rest ,take it easy and nurture yourself -your body has been dragged to hell and back, sending hugs,Tonya xx

Aww thanks Daina, It has taken a while to accept my look now and to give away my old image. In this photo I have my own eyebrows and lashes, but they were on the way out and I lost them completely just weeks after this photo. Damn that taxol!

Hi Michelle, thanks for your kind words and advice. I wish I felt as good now as that photo projects. I find it amazing that still 3 weeks after the last taxol (I only had 11/12) and I'm still experiencing decline. Exercising is very slow going too. I have a wig too which is a bit of fun. I never really feel too good in it. just a bit weird, its a really good colour though and when i have my hair back ill go that colour. In the meantime, i thought when I get a few inches of grey I might start with a pink just for fun. Is that your wig in the photo? It looks great. Today I went for a walk with nothing on my head, just my very very short fuzz. And found it quite liberating not to mention cooler. You could give it a go too, it might make you feel stronger and more confident to give the wig away. Take care Louie

Hi Louie, yes, that is my wig in the photo. You made me laugh about turning pink, and also gave me the courage to go to the gym bare-headed. It was the first time I have worked out since treatment, as walking in the mornings was all I could manage at first, working up to an hour at my best speed. Chemo does leave you tired, but gradually things go back to normal (?) and you can manage more. It was so much cooler without a scarf or a hat, and great to be back in the gym. Thank you for giving me a push in the right direction! Michelle x

Finished chemo | BCNA Online Network

11 Replies

LouiseTurner
In Memoriam
13 years ago
I've seen you here before, I think when first diagnosed. Maybe a different name?? You seemed reluctant to let others in on your grief. I am lucky to be so supported, and I welcome friends and family assistance and general support. I found some friends and family didn't know how to react, so I tried to make it easier for them, by making the first move. People get so terrified of the cancer word. But this helped them see me as the same person, but with different needs. As this drags on for me (almost 12 months) life goes on for everyone else, and of course it should. But I cant help feeling alone and left behind sometimes. Right now I'm recovering from a huge surgery and at week 5 am still dealing with infections and bleeds and a medical team that for my peace of mind (and body) are too distant. No amount of tuff talk and 'just getting on with it' will help me heal any faster. I just want to fast forward 6 months to a time when I am past all this. I just want to feel strong again. In the scheme of things I am a lucky one, despite that though, it's still hard sometimes, even with good support. Nice to chat to you Ivy, I hope you are doing well especially now you have let some loved ones in. Xxx Louie
TonyaM
Member
13 years ago
Welcome to this network.How has your cancer journey been so far?Blog back here any time for info,support or just to vent.We all help each other here and we understand what you are going through.Sending hugs, Tonya xx
Greet
Member
13 years ago
My name is ivy Greet,

I have been reading your blog messages andthe conversation that goes back and forth between you and other women. You all seem to be coping well I guess having family support helps you all get through each treatment and move ahead because you all have that support.

May your family be by your side and your friends close by as you begin regaining your physically strength.

You are all truly blessed to have family and friends by your side during these months of physically and mentally reajusting.

Sincerely

Ivy Greet
LouiseTurner
In Memoriam
13 years ago
I did attend Look Good Feel Better, with the lovely ladies at Narara on the Central Coast. I went along with my daughter very early on, just lost my hair. I learnt some great make up tricks and met some others. I wasn't too well on the day, but managed and still use some of those makeup tricks today. LGFB was great. L:)
Anonymous
Not applicable
13 years ago
Well I think you look amazing! Did you get to a Look Good...Feel Better program?
A lot of women have had really positive experiences and feel a lot better after.

Keep your chin up.
LouiseTurner
In Memoriam
13 years ago
My pleasure. Well done you brave woman. I'm contemplating going bare headed to work tomorrow....it's so much more comfortable. But it really takes a while to get used to our new looks. Well done at the gym too. Onwards and upwards xxxlouie
Michelle_R
Member
13 years ago
Hi Louie, yes, that is my wig in the photo. You made me laugh about turning pink, and also gave me the courage to go to the gym bare-headed. It was the first time I have worked out since treatment, as walking in the mornings was all I could manage at first, working up to an hour at my best speed. Chemo does leave you tired, but gradually things go back to normal (?) and you can manage more. It was so much cooler without a scarf or a hat, and great to be back in the gym.

Thank you for giving me a push in the right direction! Michelle x
LouiseTurner
In Memoriam
13 years ago
Hi Michelle, thanks for your kind words and advice.

I wish I felt as good now as that photo projects. I find it amazing that still 3 weeks after the last taxol (I only had 11/12) and I'm still experiencing decline. Exercising is very slow going too.

I have a wig too which is a bit of fun. I never really feel too good in it. just a bit weird, its a really good colour though and when i have my hair back ill go that colour. In the meantime, i thought when I get a few inches of grey I might start with a pink just for fun.

Is that your wig in the photo? It looks great. Today I went for a walk with nothing on my head, just my very very short fuzz. And found it quite liberating not to mention cooler. You could give it a go too, it might make you feel stronger and more confident to give the wig away.

Take care

Louie
LouiseTurner
In Memoriam
13 years ago
Aww thanks Daina, It has taken a while to accept my look now and to give away my old image. In this photo I have my own eyebrows and lashes, but they were on the way out and I lost them completely just weeks after this photo. Damn that taxol!
TonyaM
Member
13 years ago
So glad to hear you have finished chemo- well done you! I think they should hand out a medal on your last day.It's ok to be negative and vent your frustrations here.You can't be upbeat all the time or really any of the time on chemo,let's face it. You'll get your mojo back and your hair -just not overnight. Like you,I was soooo over the scarf thing and it was summer and my hair had slowly grown to buzz cut length. I folded my scarves and bandanas over to form a head band which gave me that bit of security to face the world. I got carried away and made various coloured head bands to match my clothes. It was so much cooler.I thought I looked pretty swish until my 8 yr old nephew asked me if I was learning karate- bubble got abit deflated. It's only been 2 weeks since your last chemo so I guess your body is still recovering and making up red and white blood cells.Just rest ,take it easy and nurture yourself -your body has been dragged to hell and back,

sending hugs,Tonya xx