Finding Gratitude in making a tough decision

So I consider myself extremely lucky.  But this does not mean it is an easy ride. 
I have early stage Breast Cancer.  It is non-invasive.  I have been told to expect it to be cured.  Surgery and radiation was to be expected with possibly hormone therapy.  Chemotherapy not required. 

It is now over 10 weeks since I sat across from the Breast Specialist and was told they found cancer cells on the biopsy - a biopsy I thought I was only having because everyone was being over cautious.  I had to have some more surgery and was booked in for another excision to gain wider margins.  The view was for breast conserving surgery.  More surgery would not be required.  The area was only about 1cm. 

WRONG!

Another area of 1.5cm was found on pathology and the margins of the not enough.  More surgery required and the word mastectomy was mentioned.  WTF?

After consulting with the radiation oncologist my husband and I agree that another round of surgery would be needed.  No radiation unless margins wider.  However being the ever conservative folk we are breast conserving surgery was the path I wanted to take.  It was suggested I may like an MRI despite it appearing that the full extent of the DCIS seemed to be invisible on imaging in my case.  

Off we go thinking it would be no more than 3 hours, we would have results, decisions made and back to surgery I go, breast tissue conserved.  In the back of my head I had decided if nothing else shows up definitely a wide excision to get clear margins and if something else shows up well they can take the whole boob for all I care.  Now I am thinking something completely different.

We sat in the breast clinic for over 8 hours.  Several different types of imaging and core biopsies on two "non-suspicious but areas of interest" later my ever patient husband was driving me home with me asking WTF was that all about?

Another lesion showed up on the core biopsies and it wasn't where they thought.  It is under the original area.  And they cannot confirm if its cancerous but the likelihood is high.  Seriously WTF?

I now need to make a decision to have almost 1 /3 of the tissue on my left breast excised to get better margins of the original surgery site AND to biopsy the new area so as to determine if it is DCIS.  The alternative is mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.   It is only a decision I can make.  Only me...no one else.  Its my body.  I have been practicing all the decision making techniques I know.  I have been researching all the information I can.  I have been to have some emotional therapy. I even have an appointment with the plastic surgeon to discuss my options.  I am still no closer to a decision.

There are many blessings I have found in the last 10 weeks but the one that comes to mind a lot lately...I have time.  I can afford to take my time making the decision.  It is not invasive.  So many other women do not have the luxury of time in decision making.  They are literally thrown into make moment to moment decisions.  They are disconnected from what is happening to them, having to leave some of the hardest decisions in the hands of others - such as the surgeon, the pathologist and whomever else is involved in their diagnosis or making a decision based on the information that is literally handed to them there and then.  They then come back after everything is done and  face the big WTF question.  The fact I have time to ask WTF now is a blessing.  The fact that I have time in general to make an informed decision over a period of 10 weeks is a blessing.

Its not fair and its not easy but its also not invasive.  Yes I am grateful. 
I know my observations of what other women (and men) must go through is very generalised and based on observations of family members journeys (many years ago) so please forgive my thoughts I just imagine how different the last 10 weeks could have been for me if it was invasive.

To all woman going through your own journey whatever stage you are at I salute you.  You are all amazing and strong.