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Joey's avatar
Joey
Member
14 years ago

Final chemo?!?!

I turned up for my usual pre-chemo consult with Gary, my oncologist.  He started off by mentioning my exploits after the last chemo, and then said “so no more chemo for you”.  None?   “None.”   That’s it?  “That’s it.”  He said that because my reactions have gotten increasingly severe with each cycle, he cannot risk permanent neurological side effects.  ¾ of my chemo cycle would just have to be enough for me.

I am numb.  Somewhere deep down I’m upset and a little scared.  You’d think I’d be happy about this because it means that I don’t have to endure 2 weeks of hell.  This means no more self-injecting, no more bone pain, my energy levels can continue to increase, my hair should start to grow back at some point too.  But I’m afraid that this leaves me more vulnerable to the cancer. 

I’m going to really start focusing on getting myself physically ready for the gruelling radiation that’s about to start in a month or so.  And I’m glad I made the appointment with the psycho-oncologist now too, as my anxiety levels are creeping up because of this.

I stopped in at day oncology and dropped off a kugel to Philippa, the head nurse.  She seemed concerned that I was not going to finish my chemo, but excited to try the kugel. 

So that’s that.  No more chemo.  I’m having a cuppa with Mum and the cats are cuddled up and happy that we’re home.  Now I don’t know what my next step is.  When you’re on chemo you live each day as it comes.  I thought my next few weeks were going to be all chemoey.  Now I’ve got no idea what I’m doing.

 

PS.  Since writing this, Mum and I went shopping at DFO and promptly had a car accident so we're both all shaken up and today is officially a stupid, horrible, weird day and I'm terribly confused.  Blegh.

4 Replies

  • Melg's avatar
    Melg
    Member
    14 years ago
    Hi Joey So sorry that you're feeling so down but it's great that you can write about it and share it with us. We all hit the wall and fall into a heap... If it lasts for more than a few days it may be time to discuss it with your gp. I was put on Effexor after my masectomy. When I asked my gp about it he said it was a mild anti depressant. My surgeon told me at my check up appt that it worked with the gabapentin to reduce nerve pain. I figure if it helps to keep me from being an emotional mess it's a bonus. Maybe it would be a good idea to just let your family and friends know that you're ok but just need a little time out. Your family will be so worried about you. Joey try and make the most of your break before radiation. Maybe you can use the time to get your arm strength up so you're ok to hold your arms above your head for so long. My radio oncologist told me to try and get my arm strength up to make radiation easier. A nurse at the hospital said pawpaw ointment is great before and after radiation. Moo goo is another cream that you can use through radiation. Wish I lived near you... I could meet you for a hot choccie and give you a hug. I'm thinking of you and here for you whenever you need to cry, vent or share a laugh. Mel xxx
  • Leonie_Moore's avatar
    Leonie_Moore
    Member
    14 years ago

    Your hair will grow back fairly quickly but it will be some funny fluff stuff.  I shaved this off and it made my new growth come through thick and lovely.  A friend gave me this advice and I was thankful for it.  Your poor body has been through a lot so it will be very tired.  If you feel like sleeping in you do it.  It does take a long time to get some energy back.  I took about 6 months before I could even think about doing anything normal.  Don't be too hard on yourself as it does take a long time to get your mojo back.  Hide if you need to but if it becomes too big of a habit then maybe you will need to talk to a professional.  Thinking of you and wishing you good thoughts. XLeonie

  • Joey's avatar
    Joey
    Member
    14 years ago

    Thanks for understanding.  It's hard to explain to people that I actually don't feel good about this.  It's not a reprieve from chemo.  It's a sudden stop to my treatment and I'm feeling quite depressed about it.  I had braced myself for it, and now I don't know what to do with myself.  I am so tired as well.  I slept in late, forced myself out of bed and went for a walk, pushed myself a bit too hard and came home sweaty and completely out of puff and went back to bed again! 

    I'm not sure what to expect now that the chemo has stopped.  When does the hair grow back?  I'm bald but I have bristles about 3mm long and they snap off easily but don't seem to be falling out. 

    I'm not interested in seeing friends or talking to anyone.  My family members have been calling and I don't answer.  Maybe I'm more depressed than I thought.

  • Leonie_Moore's avatar
    Leonie_Moore
    Member
    14 years ago

    I understand how you must feel - very confused to say the least.  I have heard of a lot of women choosing to stop chemo before they were finished because of the side effects.  I have often thought "Well it is their decision".  But when a decision is made for you then it can be a bit offputting.  However in saying that the experts know more than us mere mortals.  Take your time to take it all in.  I always look for the positives in a bad situation and I'm sure you will find them in this situation!!!!  Radiation will be a breeze for you.  Just remember to get lots of rest - don't make extra plans to do anything out of the ordinary and MOISTURISE, MOISTURISE MOISTURISE at least twice a day.  Keep enjoying the things and people that you love and everything will sort out for you. XLeonie