Feeling Overwhelmed

So sorry to hear you've got bc, but I'm pleased you've joined our ranks on this forum. I told my immediate family all together. I then rang two of my closet friends and I then announced it on Facebook. I personally struggled with people's reactions, their tears and distress. At least that way, people could get over the shock before seeing me and generally composed themselves before they talked to me. It was the chickens way out but it worked for me. As far as the kids are concerned, mine were 18 & 20, so I didn't have that issue. I have lawyer believed that honesty is the best policy. They will know that something is wrong and their minds will go into overdrive if you are t honest with them. It wil also give them the opportunity to ask any questions. I would also let their school know so that they are able to support them there as well. There's no right or wrong way to handle people and the situations you will face and some days you will deal with them substantially better than others. Just go with the flow and take each day as it comes. Do what's right for you. And yes. Be prepared that you may well end up losing some friends that don't know how to deal with it. That happens. Take care and all the best. You will be in my thoughts next week. Love Karen xox

Hi welcome it is a hard time people don't know what to say. I was very lucky I had friends that have been soo supportive and others that stepped back.

The hardest thing is to be strong for everyone else take one day at a time.

For your kids I cant help you as mine are adults and can be just as difficult because they are more aware of what is going on. Not sure where you are but I'm sure there must be some resourses out there maybe a book. I'm sure there will be someone on this site he can help you as they are going through the same.

Take care of yourself, you have a long road ahead, enjoy the good bits and try and move on from the badxx

Welcome to this network where you'll get lots of support. The first time I got bc,I told everyone and then found myself consoling them and putting on a brave front. The second time around(7years later)I didn't say anything until I knew my surgery date and I'd had time to get my head around the bc diagnosis again.There is no right or wrong way to deal with family/friends but when I found it abit overwhelming,I'd get my husband to answer all phone calls and say I was resting or whatever.You just want to hide away sometimes and have peace/quiet.We just have to remember that they care about us and it's a shock for them too.If you've had a lumpectomy then pain wise,recovery wise, a mastectomy op is much the same. Obviously,it can be harder psychologically for many women.Initially,I was just glad the cancer and the breast was gone.But after that,I took awhile to adjust and feel ok about body image etc.I guess you know your children better than anyone and what they can comprehend. Mine were older at the time but thinking back when they were 5 and 7,I would have been honest and explained that a bad disease called cancer was in my breast and the doctor had to take it off.It would be all gone and I'd be fine.But it might make me abit sad and they could help with hugs n cuddles.I wouldn't want them to over hear the word cancer,see me or others crying and not know what was going on.I had a miscarriage when my girls were that age and I was honest with them,in simple terms ofcourse.The breast cancer journey is a tough ride and you don't have to be brave at this network.It's a great place to vent your fears and frustrations.We know what you are going through.Big hug,Tonya xx

Welcome to this network where you'll get lots of support. The first time I got bc,I told everyone and then found myself consoling them and putting on a brave front. The second time around(7years later)I didn't say anything until I knew my surgery date and I'd had time to get my head around the bc diagnosis again.There is no right or wrong way to deal with family/friends but when I found it abit overwhelming,I'd get my husband to answer all phone calls and say I was resting or whatever.You just want to hide away sometimes and have peace/quiet.We just have to remember that they care about us and it's a shock for them too.If you've had a lumpectomy then pain wise,recovery wise, a mastectomy op is much the same. Obviously,it can be harder psychologically for many women.Initially,I was just glad the cancer and the breast was gone.But after that,I took awhile to adjust and feel ok about body image etc.I guess you know your children better than anyone and what they can comprehend. Mine were older at the time but thinking back when they were 5 and 7,I would have been honest and explained that a bad disease called cancer was in my breast and the doctor had to take it off.It would be all gone and I'd be fine.But it might make me abit sad and they could help with hugs n cuddles.I wouldn't want them to over hear the word cancer,see me or others crying and not know what was going on.I had a miscarriage when my girls were that age and I was honest with them,in simple terms ofcourse.The breast cancer journey is a tough ride and you don't have to be brave at this network.It's a great place to vent your fears and frustrations.We know what you are going through.Big hug,Tonya xx

Hi there

I can understand about friends and family - you do indeed feel like you are holding them up while they collapse.  My advice would be to simply ask for their support in any way they can.  My sisters cleaned my house for me, especially after surgery and also prepared frozen meals to take me through treatment.  I had a mastectomy last August and it isn't as bad as you think - the recovery is quite painless and quick.  You'll be up and about in no time.  Make sure you stay positive - if you give off that positive vibe then friends and family will probably follow suit.  Sure, there will be times you have a good cry with either, but that is needed from time to time.  Be prepared for some friends to freak out a bit and not stay in touch - some of mine did that and while I'm very disappointed, at the same time I realise that some people just can't handle this sort of event.

I hope this is of help.  Keep looking forward and just go one day at a time.

Tink xx

Hi there

I can understand about friends and family - you do indeed feel like you are holding them up while they collapse.  My advice would be to simply ask for their support in any way they can.  My sisters cleaned my house for me, especially after surgery and also prepared frozen meals to take me through treatment.  I had a mastectomy last August and it isn't as bad as you think - the recovery is quite painless and quick.  You'll be up and about in no time.  Make sure you stay positive - if you give off that positive vibe then friends and family will probably follow suit.  Sure, there will be times you have a good cry with either, but that is needed from time to time.  Be prepared for some friends to freak out a bit and not stay in touch - some of mine did that and while I'm very disappointed, at the same time I realise that some people just can't handle this sort of event.

I hope this is of help.  Keep looking forward and just go one day at a time.

Tink xx