failed reconstruction

Hi Liz

I went through the private system and the breast care nurse rang me again the other day, I have read though about private patients in public hospitals not faring so well. I was also a bit surpised not to have a visit from the breast car nurse during my recent stay in hospital for the second stage of recon. I think sometimes people fall through the cracks so keep knocking on doors until you get someone you can talk to.  Can you talk with your GP about your anxiety and depression? I read somewhere that 50% of BC patients experience depression. I have been off work for 6 months even though I didn't need chemo and have been taking the time to work through things, it is a slow process. My friend advised me to have someone with me when the bandages first came off after the mastectomy but the surgeon did everything so fast I didn't realise they were off until I looked down. What a mess, what an ugly mess. After the initial look I would look briefly in the mirror before I got in the shower each morning but not after - like being on a ladder if you are scared of heights - don;t look down. All your friends and family ask how you are and it is very easy to say Fine, Great etc. because that is what they want to hear. One day early on when the check out girl asked how my day had been I really wanted to tell her, honestly but that would have been mean. Lots of people with BC are positive and inspirational, there is a lot of pressure to be amazing and deal with everything - the reality is that the whole thing is just crap, you feel crap , you look crap and then sometimes there is more crap. So my theory is that you deal with a little bit of crap at a time at your own pace and then after a while you start to feel better. - Stay calm and carry on, like the poster says. Keep going when you have to and let yourself wallow when you need to. After a while the wallowing gets kind of tedious and you feel more able to get into a happier place. You have been through a lot, the whole process is traumatizing and then you add constant pain into the equation it is no wonder you feel down. Keep knocking on doors until you get what you need,

Fiona